The common wisdom in this area is to just stay out of the way and eventually the affair will be over. The authors of this site maintain otherwise thus far based on personal experiences.

Without becoming controlling.....

The convential wisdom is don’t snoop around , stay out of the way of the affair, etc. However, since you are here reading an Internet site on how to save your marriage, it may be likely that you are getting desperate. Desperation often results in loony tunes behavior. This guide is to help you with this part because you’ve got to be going bonkers over this and we don’t want you to land in jail or something.

If you absolutely must know what your spouse is doing just to ease your mind, then you’re going to get caught and it will backfire usually. If you are desperate still, and have to know, and just can’t control yourself - then be careful. Your spouse will be able to sense when you are up to something and also will do things just to upset you. In addition, while you are in this state of mind, you will have a tendency to dream up things that simply do NOT exist. Be careful! You have been warned.

In more extreme cases, you may have to do whatever it takes to remove the influence. There are a large number of risks associated with doing this, but the thing to realize is that people know that messing with another person’s spouse is dangerous.

Think of a cat puffing itself up against a dog. Can the cat really do anything against an angry dog? Probably nothing major, but in human terms if you sit there and start issuing idle threats, you just lost all credibility and have become that puffed up cat! The person who is involved with your wife will now continue just to be spiteful to you because your spouse is clearly right about how bad of a person you are, therefore justifying the adulterer to continue with your spouse! Get it?

Okay, now here are a few things that you may be able to do in increasing order of severity. Don’t get into trouble or say things that can get you landed in jail please!

Contact the person who is having the affair, and tell them that a family is on the line with your best non-violent voice. Let them see your for a “person” looking out for their family. You need to become like a strong Dr. Martin Luther King or Ghandi or if you are up to it like our saviour to be able to pull this off. If there is even a hint of anger, you have just incented the other person to continue. Congratulations. Now you have to resort to stronger medicine. The following are ideas and have NEVER been tried by person’s writing on this site except for one - the subpoena option. The only reason that worked was because the person that the spouse was involved with was already married and had a family. There was leverage. It won’t work for a single person messing with your spouse.

Have the phone number blocked to your house from the other person’s number, etc.

Supeona (spelling) the person having an affair with your spouse.

If you have kids, get a restraining order filed so long as you are still married against the other person. You typically don’t need a reason, just that you feel “unsafe” with that person around your wife. If they continue, have them tossed in the slammer.

If you suspect something is going on perhaps install a key logger on their computer, but you are warned, this could backfire big time. What if the anti-spyware program detects the keylogger? Oops! What if it causes and error on the system and a little warning message pops up “Problem with keylogger program”.

All of these are dangerous, but the thing to realize, is the affair is like a drug. The spouse will get addicted to that “initial stage” in any relationship, and it will be hard for them to let go. You may have to force it to some degree, but realize that if you have been accused of controlling it will bite you in the rear end for a bit, but may play out better in the long run.

One last thing, are you prepared to forgive your spouse? Go read Hosea in the scriptures to get a taste of true forgiveness and true love of one’s spouse!