Not all doctors are created equal and neither are marriage counselors and programs. Books abound regarding relationship advise and saving marriages; however, each has its strength and weakness. The primary suggestion is to identify a counselor with a proven success rate. Remember, counselors may prefer that you continue to support them through a continued paycheck. This is not pointed out to cause mistrust of all counselors, but rather so that you may carefully choose your counselor as many times a poor counselor can actually make things worse. The objective is to find a counselor who is personally invested in seeing you succeed in your marriage. Such persons will not want to waste time on persons who do not have a true desire to save their marriage.

Provided that you have met the objectives of the first paragraph, the next step is to realize that your counselor should be able to draw on a wealth of experience and be able to advise you on patterns that have worked, the risks, and should “level with you” concerning what you are needing to do.

One difference between counselors are those who focus on behaviors as opposed to feelings. Going to a counselor to talk about your feelings is generally of limited value for saving your marriage. Focus more so on what behavioral changes you need to make to hopefully stimulate an emotional response from your estranged partner. In a way, your counselor will be a student of human nature and you must utilize their experience to understand what your spouse is going through and the likely causes of your spouse’s behaviors.

If you are male, are from Texas, and have not considered counseling before now, take the counseling seriously! Get in touch with your inner woman!