It is highly likely that as you are going through the marriage saving exercise your emotions may get the best of you. The trouble is that in many cases this can actually make things worse between you and your spouse by pushing them further away. The primary subject here is emotional outburts or lack thereof. One little temper tantrum can set your marriage saving operation back by months. There is a time and a place to resolve many of the issues in the marriage, but it is generally best not to have huge arguments at this point. The goal is to get along as hard as that probalby sounds.

If your spouse is the type who “clams up”, that is, refuses to speak when emotionally challenged, then the best thing you can do is to apologize, and leave them alone. Let it go. If you are of the personality type that can’t let it go, then you’ll need to develop some simple mental images to keep you from making things worse when you feel distraught or start to panic. The following list may be helpful reminders or images to help keep you in control of your emotions as you go through this battle:

* Imagine your spouse sleeping with another person * Imagine someone else raising your children * Imagine yourself on a remote planet looking down on Earth * Imagine yourself in an airplane looking down at the ants

These images are just some rather graphic ideas to get you started. Whatever it is, it needs to be powerful enough to override your panic emotions when they kick in. You should practice. In some cases, before you speak with your spouse at a planned meeting, you should force yourself to cry. This is to purge all the negative emotions. If you are meeting your spouse, make sure that the tears do NOT show, otherwise it will appear as a lack of confidence.

The last paragraph was dedicated to folks who can’t seem to control their emotions. There is another class of people - those that may have been labeled as cold or emotionless at some point in their life due to an over ability to control their emotions. It has been said that sometimes a spouse will start talk of divorce, etc. just to get some excitement deep down inside in places they may not ordinarily talk about. The authors of this site have yet to observe any of this through their own experiences. We’d appreciate input from people who fall into this category, on how to “become” more emotional.