Hi. I saved my marriage from eminent divorce and would like to share everything I learned with you. The information here is real and is free, but you will get out of it what you put into it.
I was about 30 days away from the big D. I somehow rescued our sinking ship. It will be a long read, but I think you will find it to be worth it if you are truly interested in saving your marriage - which is why you are here right? If not, goodbye (106 hits).
My wife told me there was nothing I could do or say to change her mind about the big D word. My persistence and patience paid off. The papers were signed and filed and I only had 30 days left. Somehow we made it through this rough patch. We are now better than ever. I’m here to pass on what I learned.
Let me tell you, it won’t be easy, but nothing worth having ever is. This site may be a long read, but I promise you - it is worth it and so is saving your marriage.
Short attention span? Skip Ahead (984 hits)
Ranting on…
Despite what our society seems to encourage - there is a better way than divorce.
You are so close to the best marriage you could have ever dreamed of. Your success will rest on how willing you are to listen and implement the strategies and tactics - some on this site - some in other resources. I’m not trying to be a know-it-all or even an expert. I’m just going to guide you to the resources that worked for me, my friends, and other contributors who have been in this situation. I’m also going to give you some mental tricks to help control the fear, desperation, or anger you may be feeling. That is the first thing to work on because it actually makes things worse. All the books sit there and say - don’t get desperate, be patient, etc. but none of them tell you how. They provide the what, but not the how. I’ll tell you how I did it even though she was unwilling at the time. You can learn from me and the tons of mistakes I made. It all started here (984 hits).
Okay, that’s nice, but I’m not like you Mr. Shohn
Of course not, everyone is unique, but we are also all the same. The same applies to your divorce. A gajillion people go through this each year. There are plenty of free support mechanisms, resources, and benevolent souls out there that can help you stop this from happening to you and your wife. There are themes to things that work and those that don’t across all marriage saving efforts. I had to learn and implement successful strategies and tactics very fast since I was on such a short timeline.
I have two main traits that you can leverage that ironically were part of my own downfall in our marriage. I am persistent, which means I tried and read everything until I found what works; and I’m extremely analytical. Your situation is unique yet it is the same as mine. What is most important is not the tactics that I implemented, but rather how I figured out which tactics and strategies would work in my situation. You can take my road-map and make course corrections as they apply to your unique situation. My situation actually required a miracle (984 hits), but perhaps you are luckier than I was.
Okay, Shohn, that is all well and good but how in the world do I get my spouse back?
The trouble is - you are probably focused on making your spouse change - not you. It doesn’t work that way. If you at least acknowledge that you must change then you are half way there. Too much pride to admit it starts with you - well no wonder your spouse is trying to leave you. Get over it. Ready to admit it starts with you? All that is left is a matter of implementation and figuring out how to control your emotions that can damage the situation. You must lead before your spouse can follow you back into the marriage. If you push - your spouse is outta there. You will need strength because the rejection will likely intensify for awhile - but there is a source you can draw on for strength and there are things you can do to get through the emotional pain. It is explained on this site and I also point to more in depth resources if you would like to expand your knowledge. I’ve done most of the reading for you and then put it in the context of my story. You see ,there are about a thousand books and websites out there, but nothing seems to encapsulate everything and many are just trying to con you into some worthless ebook or give you a list of top ten things that mean absolutely nothing.
Why are you doing this?
My objectives are two fold. Help you restore your marriage and help document what worked for different situations to collect all our experiences into one body of knowledge.
- I believe divorce is not the best option - especially if you have kids still in the house.
- I believe people need to be educated and provided the tools to save their marriage.
- I believe marriage saving tools should be inexpensive.
- I believe our government seems to almost encourage divorce and it angers me.
- I saved my marriage and do not want to waste the experience.
- I believe things should be better for each generation that passes - not worse.
- I believe divorce destroys our society at a fundamental level and that by reducing the number of broken families we are in effect reducing the causes of many other societal problems.
- Yes my parents are divorced. This vicious cycle stops with me and you.
In effect, I am hoping to create a divorce prevention manual for most situations and personality types and eventually have this stuff as required reading before folks can get married.
I guess this is one way to make the world a bit brighter.
If you believe divorce is an option - just go consult with your lawyer and see how bad you and your wife are about to get raked over some coals. Neither one of you will win and look what a nice legacy you have passed on to your kids if you have them. If you have kids I truly believe this to be a form of child abuse. Yes I said that and deep down inside you know it is true.
Let’s say you get remarried - it could work. You could be one of the lucky ones. But guess what - most aren’t. You are most likely to run into the same mess again. I wonder if your spouse knows this?
Possibly thinking that divorce is the right option - good bye (108 hits).
So you decided to stay? Good - You must be about half as crazy as I am. Well, this is going to be a wild ride, but it is worth it in the end. You must give it your all. 100% commitment and be willing to lose everything for your spouse, but have faith that it will be restored in time. If you are prepared to do this then let’s go! You can read the rest of my rant or just jump into it by asking your wife What it would take to save our marriage - a miracle (984 hits)? You should come back here eventually to get full context.
I have now taken my friend’s words, a miracle, spiritual transformation, and tons of books I read into something that I hope can get a few marriages turned around. My ultimate goal is to turn around the ridiculously high divorce percentages across America and the world.We all need your help so register and write about what did or didn’t work for you. If one of the posts is confusing, has poor spelling, or grammar please tell me. I’m trying to get this information out as quickly as possible and I need help!
Why the recommended literature?
Some marriage saving books are worthless and none of them encapsulate everything. Every book seems to focus on a particular topic - follow this 5 step program or do these 5 things, etc. This is similar to the thousands of diet books out there! Many are just trying to make a buck. Unfortunately, this subject is much bigger than what one book can handle. There are at least 30 core marital concepts that you need to understand and it starts with reading the books and becoming educated - stop guessing. I say 30 because that was the universe of things I didn’t understand. Your universe may be different, but eventually I hope that through our collective experiences we can define statistically what works and doesn’t. I don’t provide all the detail or psychology behind these concepts because I’m not a psychologist or a counselor. I just write about what worked for me and am soliciting stories about what worked for others. I started by asking my wife what would it take to prevent the divorce - a miracle (984 hits)?
I’m on board! How do I start?
One last check - are you really committed to this? Are you willing to do the homework necessary? Most of this will rest on YOUR shoulders. Are you willing to take a spiritual journey? Are you sure?
You must be willing to lose everything (except the kids if you have them I suppose).
Are you that committed? It will get really scary for awhile and it may seem like there is no hope in site. The speed with which your marriage recovers will be dictated by our God’s timing, your faith, and your level of commitment.
Okay, you must really love her if your going to go through this. Let’s rock n’ roll!
By the way - nice attention span - I can’t believe you made it this far - you stand a good chance!
Click here to begin -> What it would take to save our marriage - a miracle (984 hits)? If you are in real trouble - jump to the different marriage / divorce stages listed under the categories.
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