This was relayed to me by my daughter and a witness.
My daughter is six and is just the cutest little girl ever. She says to my wife – “Mama – I want you to come back home”. Then she continues to press on her. Eventually my wife relents and says “That’s going to take some time” and “We’ll See”.
I know it may not be much, but it is the most I’ve heard heard her tell our children in a long time. It has been simply “No” for the last 1.5 years.
There are some other things that have happened, but I don’t want to suck the energy out of them so I’m not writing about them by design. They are offline for the time being. Perhaps one day I can tell the rest.
I’ve also heard that she is going to apply for food stamps tomorrow. Gee whiz. I must have been such a bad husband that she would rather live on food stamps then come home.
This is an amazing study from the University of Wisconsin’s National Survey of Family and Households.
They followed 645 couples who were extremely unhappy. Five years later they re-interviewed. What they uncovered was amazing.
AmericanValues.org, in its executive summary of this study, lists the following three conclusions that shocked so many.
1. Unhappily married adults who divorced or separated were no happier, on average, than unhappily married adults who stayed married. Even unhappy spouses who had divorced and remarried were no happier, on average, than unhappy spouses who stayed married. This was true even after controlling for race, age, gender, and income.
2. Divorce did not reduce symptoms of depression for unhappily married adults, raise their self-esteem, or increase their sense of mastery, on average, compared to unhappy spouses who stayed married. This was true even after controlling for race, age, gender, and income.
Here’s the best part…
3. About two-thirds of unhappy spouses who avoided divorce ended up happily married five years later. The unhappiest marriages experienced the most dramatic turnarounds: 78% of adults who said their marriages were very unhappy and who avoided divorce ended up happily married five years later.
These findings are very surprising in a culture that teaches us divorce is an easy way to end your problems quickly.
I received more bad news yesterday. At least I have the kids with me this week. As I went to bed last night, I decided to pray for “strength and guidance” on what to do next.
A couple of weird syncros today. Who am I kidding. I’ve gotten used to the syncros now. It seems to happen about once a week at least.
As I was headed to work, I started thinking – well – on the bad news, just forgive her. You have to. Okay, forgive. Some time ago I had established the number 555 as meaning “forgiveness”. Long story, but sort of my own little mental trick I guess to keep me going. Anyway, I said forgive and then I turned on the radio.
It was the song “All Apologies” by Nirvana. I thought to myself, now that’s funny and ironic. A few minutes later I passed a car with license plate 555. I saw another one on the way home today. Yeah, I know you probably think I’ve lost it. Whatever – it keeps me going at least.
What is also weird, is I had sent my wife an email about a few things. Basically, she had decided to bring the person she was seeing around our kids. We’re not even “legally” divorced. Grrrrr..
Excerpt of my email to her in Italics
Exo 20:17 “You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his male servant, or his female servant, or his ox, or his donkey, or anything that is your neighbor’s.”
Please do NOT and I repeat DO NOT covet your neighbor’s male servant or his ox!!!!!!! and especially his DONKEY!!!! Seriously, you know the commandments and stuff, and I’m not your God,
Well, I sent that out, and I decided to read the Charlene Cares message again this morning. It was neato because Charlene happened to cite that exact passage. Now, I know that may not seem out of the ordinary, but I’ve never seen her cite that one, nor have I ever cited that one so it did seem to be some sort of coincidence.
Well, I was thinking about my prayer for “strength and guidance”. Later this evening, a person from another marriage ministry accidentally sent me a message sent for another, but it was weird because I wasn’t on the recipient list. Perhaps I was accidentally blind carbon copied? I asked the guy who sent it to me, and he didn’t have any real answers either. But what I found neat was what got “accidentally” sent to me. I’ve excerpted below:
What should we do when the Devil comes along? ‘And having done all… stand.’ Indeed, ‘… God is able to make [you] stand’ (
Romans 14:4 NKJV), not in your own strength, but the strength of Jesus Christ. By yourself you’re an easy target, but in the strength of the Lord you can stand and not give in. So today when Satan shows up with his temptations, announce that you’re going to stand in Christ. Let him know you’re going to stand until the shaking stops, until the wave of loneliness passes, until your marriage is restored, until you come out of debt, until the struggle is over, until the tempter loses his power to trap or topple you. When you do the standing – God does the strengthening!
Paul said, ‘I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me’ (
Philippians 4:13). Note the word ‘strengthens.’ He won’t just strengthen you once, He’ll do it again and again. He’ll strengthen you every time you face a difficult challenge, every time a memory comes back to torment you, every time you’re reminded of your imperfect past, every time you face a difficult situation. Drawing from God the strength you need to stand up to the enemy will take effort. It will take your praise, your prayer, your getting into His Word with an intensity you never had before. But the truth is – you can stand if you want to! (The Vine by Bob Gass)
Faith and Marriage Ministries
Well, some interesting things have happened lately as far as increasing of syncros and such. A syncro is a coincidence of personal significance or a coincidence that rises way above the level of chance forcing the poor recipient to either think he has gone crazy or to say…….. “Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaatttttt ….. what do you waaaaaaaaant from meeeee??????” in a shrill banshee voice. I’m kidding about the crazy part…. no.. really kidding about the banshee part. That was fun.
Back to syncros, sometimes I blabber things up a bit in my writing, so I thought I would include this handy video to explain what I am talking about:
Around May 21, 2009 – every where I looked, the number 333 would show up. Clocks, receipts, license plates – all day long. I wasn’t sure what to make of this and am still not. I even woke up at 3:33 AM that morning. Think something was trying to tell me something?
I had mentioned awhile back that I had hired an astrologer. Well, anyway she told me that “Mercury was going retrograde” during the month of May, which would generally mean that this could manifest as communications getting messed up, wires crossed, computers/traffic etc. would have problems, opportunities to review past, and that it was VERY likely that I would run into people I hadn’t seen in awhile. Well, my computer did get infected with spyware, and tons of people I hadn’t heard from made contact with me with such messages as “Blast from the Past”, or people I have emailed for about a year now never bothering to respond – all of a sudden wrote back, etc. It was a wild experience to see again, the “astro” influences. Come on man, the moon affects women every single month and you whether you like it or not – your system as well. Get over the weirdness of this. I’m not saying that there isn’t a lot of quackery going on in this space, but that there is something to this. It may be an art more than a science though. Want something to really freak you out? In the writings of Josephus, he noted the astrological signs being on the adornments of the temple prior to its destruction in 70 AD. Why would the temple have astrological stuff on it? Think mister.
For some time I had held that the butterfly was a symbol for me to “keep” going due to a prayer I had held late one evening. Without fail, just about every time I have thought of quitting, butterflies would randomly show up not much longer. This was sort of an event that I guess I wound up hardwiring into my psyche / your thoughts become your world engine, that invariably produces butterflies when I get hopeless. I had a bizarre dream last night (well all my dreams are bizarre). In this dream, I hugged my wife around her stomach as she was loading up our kids in a mini-van. She was friendly and contemplated coming home, but not right now. It was weird holding her once again. Felt nice. My little teddi-bear I suppose. Well, later on in the dream, I was driving my car and a butterfly became attached to the wind-shield. I recalled thinking… dude, I need to get a picture of this so people will believe me and not think I’m making this stuff up. So I broke out the iPhone and was trying to take a picture while driving. This dream was quite vivid, but not the most vivid I have ever had. I thought it was real enough, that there I was gathering evidence for my blog in which I am now writing. Unfortunately, pictures taken of butterflies using the dream version of my iPhone, are difficult to merge into this reality. Dang! I thought it was funny.
Moving on, the other thing is that I had mentioned “Living Scriptures”. In that our very lives are scriptures. In general, we Americans don’t see things this way. To borrow from the movie, Pulp Fiction, “I’m an American, our names don’t mean sh**”. Despite cultural filters built into my mind, I saw an interesting pattern yesterday and today. On Sunday, I was over at my mother in law’s house and we we began discussing our various marital challenges, the song “Burning Down the House” came on by the Talking Heads. My mom calls me up Monday and informs me that her house got broken into. I’m trying to understand the significance of this event in her own life and mine, and as I am sitting there thinking, that song “Burning Down the House” comes into the forefront of my mind. A couple seconds later, mom says – this is a life changing event, but not as significant as when my house burned down that time. Queue Twilight Zone music. Well, it’s not that unreasonable and at this point, pretty much could be chalked up to randomness. Well the day proceeds.
The next day, I get sent some emails from a friend of mine. I felt drawn to read one. Here is the link(59 hits) and an excerpt:
If an employee was having a bad day, Jerry was always there, telling him how to look on the positive side of the situation.
My mom called me up again at the same time I was reading this email. What I found interesting was that several times during the conversation she would say the words as I was reading them… for example she would say I’m just going to be positive, it could have been worse right as I was reading the italicized words above. This happened two or three times. Now, I don’t know if this was some crazy mother-son psychic connection thing going on, was planned by higher power(s), or was just something I’m reading way too much into, but the emotional effect was very similar to the Volkswagen commercial above – which you should really watch.
As this proceeds, I think how ironic that I am reading about a guy who got robbed as my mom is describing how she got robbed. I wonder to myself, was this planned from above? What is the spiritual significance again? What is the living scripture here?
On Monday June 1, 2009 – Shohn’s mother’s home was broken into by thieves coming to rob and pillage anything of immediate value. They avoided the antiques and the check books, but they looked for cash in the mattresses and took easily transportable electronic equipment used for entertainment and work. My mother has contacted the higher authorities including the local sheriff’s department and it appears that her insurance will cover the loss. She has not had anything this shocking happen since her house burned down.
What is the relation of our home to higher meaning? Our home – our place of safety, being defiled by marauders? Is this allusion to our spiritual house being broken into by thieves as well, or is it just some drug starved teenagers robbed her
I wonder if her house would have had problems on her astrological chart. It would have been her 4th house I imagine. Too bad I don’t know her birth time.
As I contemplate all of this, I look over at my radio and note that it is playing a song from the Hail to the Thief album, by Radiohead.
This morning, in my inbox is the message “Unwitting Thief’s Conscience Spurs Him to Return..” from Breaking Christian News.
Weird eh? Now the ordinary person would probably look at something like this and dust him or herself off and go on about his or her life, not unlike our friends in the VW commercial above. I guess I’m losing some of my American culture, as I see something of significance here, though I don’t know what it is yet.
Pay attention!
Last Wednesday I went dancing with a friend of mine. During this event I read an article in Time magazine about the revival of “predestination” – a theological tenant that makes no sense to me. I read the article and then awhile later, my friend and I begin to converse about spiritual things. She eventually begins to speak about “predestination”. I find it somewhat odd, but go on about my business and continue to listen. I give her my more esoteric points of view and then we move on to more important things like orphaned stray cats she takes care of and some pastor she was having problems with. The next morning as I arise from my slumber, I am drawn to open the book “Last of the Mohicans”sitting in my closet. I’ve never read this book, though it is on the to-do list. I turned it directly to page 134, and there it is talking about “predestination”. Twilight music…
Other events, on Friday of last week a friend of mine emails me about some lady named Ruth – a counselor with whom she was dealing. Awhile later, a woman from the tax appraisal office calls me up to discuss my protest of the taxes on my house. Her name is Ruth. Later on this weekend, a pastor buddy of mine connects with me and says we are to do a Bible study from the book of Ruth on Pentecost. He goes on to inform me that it is one of the biggest days because of the marriage, Moses, the Spirit coming, on and on. I tend to view the scriptures in a much more allegorical sense now, but am able to take away much of what he is saying as valuable once I look at it from an allegorical sense as well. Ruth.
Finally, after all this – we get to the big cheese. 777. What? Well around March of this year, something happened with this bible passage jumping out:
Mat 7:7 “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.”
Awhile later, July 7th is magnified on the calendar and a bit later a woman in need calls up asking for help to pay a bill. She needs $77.
Weird, eh? Well it gets weirder. Over the next week or so this number 777 starts showing up. I start thinking one day.. man I don’t know, I’m probably just going crazy. This is so stupid. As I conclude this thought, a car turns the corner and on its license plate are the numbers 777. Chills.
I forget about this for a while and then it comes to the forefront of my mind again when leaving work in April. I had a friend with me at the time and I told him how weird it would be if the 777 license plates showed up again. They did in full force. I saw two on the way home, and there was one parked across from my house when I got home. I’m thinking what are the odds. Play Texas lottery!
I forget about this for a bit and then it comes to my mind again. This time though and unlike my butterfly in my dream, I am able to capture this unicorn:
(51 hits)
Hopefully, it is clear enough for you to see. 777 baby. The weekend before Memorial Day, I am headed to see my mom and once again, I get stuck behind the ol’ 777 license plate. I’ve never noticed this before my whole life. Maybe it is just a mental game.
Well I asked my astrologer what sort of influences and energies we had coming up, particularly in the area of my love life. I wanted to know whether to fish or cut bait basically because I was getting frustrated again, but I didn’t want to lead my astro chick on either. She gave some dates for likely influences and then said… July 7th is going to be a big one for you probably, Jupiter conjuncts with Venus. I don’t know. We shall see what unfolds.
Here is the cool part. Since you have read this, this stuff will probably start happening to you. I don’t know why it works that way, but every person I’ve interacted with about this stuff….. it starts happening to them
Now we have discussed [S]ynchronicity. There are other topics to discuss, namely, [M]arriage and [S]ex.
I’ve been learning recently that our definition of [M]arriage in a modern sense is not quite what it used to be. We now seem to enter into [m]arriage. I’m defining [M]arriage as the ideal case and [m]arriage as what our modern society does.
One is more spiritual in nature, a lifetime bonding – an agreement to spiritually raise one another, to remain true, and the other is a joke. I think I shall attempt to explain and underscore where we are getting it wrong, at least, as far as I understand it TODAY.
My fingers are tired, this shall be the subject of another article.
Well, lately it seems that she has no problem expressing herself emotionally. Although I won’t go into the details, let’s just say that ever since my son’s birthday party, something changed within her. She seems to have been angry ever since and has no problem expressing this.
Part of me recognizes that this is part of “purging” her system and thus I pretty much need to be strong when it comes to receiving these things. It is really bizarre. No matter what I say or do she seems to be angry about it lately. If I go left, this will provoke her to wrath, if I go right, this will provoke her to wrath.
What I do find interesting is that I am becoming increasingly better equipped to handle the verbal lashing coming from her. Before it would tear me down for a week or two to receive one of these, and now I recover in about 10-15 minutes and sometimes within seconds. Part of me simply no longer cares. Part of me, I just sort of tell myself, well – this is part of the healing process – the counselors warned you that anger would come next. So here it is. Lots of it! I feel this is also part of my own spiritual development and growth. In a weird sort of way, I am thanking her – because I have never had an enemy my whole life until now. It makes it difficult to grow and develop without having a true enemy, which ironically is the person I love the most. Ain’t life funny?
As I look back, I try to figure out where this anger stuff came from all of a sudden. She was doing really good for awhile. What was the trigger event and what allowed her to feel that it was okay to resort the anger lashings? She has become increasingly bold in her verbal thrashings. I suspect that during our marriage – rather when we lived together, she used to simply stuff whatever feelings she had inside and would not verbalize them due to being conflict avoidant and feeling that she couldn’t express her feelings to me (I was not good at receiving negative feelings).
There are a couple of events that have occurred. Much like an iceberg, what exists beneath the surface can only rise when conditions permit. Very similar to the person who feels horrible inside and so fills their life with things or constantly seeking things to do to fill the gap in their soul. I feel like this may apply to my beloved on some levels, because I have heard that she has started buying the kids lots of things so that they can “be happy”.
She moved out of her mom’s house about a month ago and has been trying to raise our 4 kiddos by herself and I imagine much of the stress and such is probably registering as being my fault somehow or another. I’ve read that this is what occurs.
Also, she got her income tax check in around February. Her mom seems to think that is when my wife started flipping out again. The idea being that the check is what released whatever bonds she felt she had of expressing herself the way she really felt.
From what the kids relayed to me, those two began almost constantly fighting from around February to not even a month ago. They have not communicated since Mother’s day. To an outside observer it looks clear as day that a lot of misunderstandings have occurred, yet here is my wife – without her husband, her father, and now her mother. It seems that this family is continually plagued with a rotating set of “Who is on my good side”, often directly related to who is on my bad side. Very sad.
What is ironic about all of this, is that my own mother told me last year that it was only a matter of time before the two would be fighting like cats and dogs and that if I really loved my wife and wanted her, that I should just allow things to unfold and it would only be a matter of time.
Unfortunately, to complicate the matter my wife is now “dating” (rather has been for some time, but was obfuscating this) and apparently involved in a serious relationship with some other guy. The kids have told me she gets into fights with him now and they don’t even live together (for which I am thankful) and the eldest child can not stand him. Gosh there are other things here that I could talk about, but it would only be to make me feel better and would not help others with understanding and seeing how bad things can get and the dynamics. Perhaps in time, other details will come forth.
Part of me feels like I don’t care. Part of me is tired. Part of me knows that there is always dark before the dawn, so I press on! Life is not supposed to be easy.
Some time ago, I had written about a concept I had called scriptural parity(55 hits). The idea being that as information is edited in the texts, it would still be preserved or perhaps the evidence of things would be preserved. I’ve found this tremendously helpful in unraveling many scriptural problems I was having before. Things that didn’t add up.
Here is an example. Though I didn’t find this myself it is very very interesting:
Luk 3:22 and the Holy Spirit descended in a bodily form, as a dove, upon him, and a voice came out of heaven, Thou art my beloved Son; in thee I am well pleased.
Act 13:33 that God hath fulfilled the same unto our children, in that he raised up Jesus; as also it is written in the second psalm, Thou art my Son, this day have I begotten thee.
Psa 2:7 I will tell of the decree: Jehovah said unto me, Thou art my son; This day have I begotten thee.
Heb 1:5 For unto which of the angels said he at any time, Thou art my Son, This day have I begotten thee? and again, I will be to him a Father, And he shall be to me a Son?
Some of you may recall from the old Levitical codes of the requirement for two or three witnesses before testimony was considered to be valid. Of the four passages above, which is valid?
What does begotten mean? Something to think about.
Mar 10:17 And as he was setting out on his journey, a man ran up and knelt before him and asked him, “Good Teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?”
Mar 10:18 And Jesus said to him, “Why do you call me good? No one is good except God alone.
I’ve only met one person who explained that passage with any level of sense.
Another one came into my inbox a couple days ago:
Mar 10:29 Jesus said, “Truly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or lands, for my sake and for the gospel,
Mar 10:30 who will not receive a hundredfold now in this time, houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and lands, with persecutions, and in the age to come eternal life.
Hmmmm… so does this mean we lands and extra mothers in heaven? I have my own answers on this.
Anthony de Mello, a Jesuit priest from India, influenced the world through his powerful understanding of the human condition. Through the use of parables and teaching stories, de Mello pointed the way to authentic living. The influence of spiritual traditions outside mainstream Christianity is clear in his work. The depth and spiritual insight in his teachings, stories and articles made him well known throughout the world. He is well appreciated by many inside and outside the Roman Catholic Church.
His teachings were temporarily banned within the Roman Catholic Church by then future pope Ratsinger, but the ban has been lifted. Catholics are still advised to avoid his writings though. It is good to be reminded occasionally that the Roman Catholic Church still has a blacklist, where mystics can get their work listed.
I love this guys quotes. They both shock and remind of … how silly I really am. He has some really good things to think about with regard to the breakup of a relationship.
Here is one of my favorites:
Most people tell you they want to get out of kindergarten, but don’t believe them. Don’t believe them! All they want you to do is to mend their broken toys. “Give me back my wife. Give me back my job. Give me back my money. Give me back my reputation, my success.” This is what they want; they want their toys replaced. That’s all. Even the best psychologist will tell you that, that people don’t really want to be cured. What they want is relief; a cure is painful.
The scriptures are always hinting of that, but you’ll never understand a word of what the scriptures are saying until you wake up. Sleeping people read the scriptures and crucify the Messiah on the basis of them. You’ve got to wake up to make sense out of the scriptures. When you do wake up, they make sense. So does reality. But you’ll never be able to put it into words. You’d rather do something? But even there we’ve got to make sure that you’re not swinging into action simply to get rid of your negative feelings. Many people swing into action only to make things worse. They’re not coming from love, they’re coming from negative feelings. They’re coming from guilt, anger, hate; from a sense of injustice or whatever. You’ve got to make sure of your “being” before you swing into action. You have to make sure of who you are before you act. Unfortunately, when sleeping people swing into action, they simply substitute one cruelty for another, one injustice for another. And so it goes. Meister Eckhart says, “It is not by your actions that you will be saved” (or awakened; call it by any word you want), “but by your being. It is not by what you do, but by what you are that you will be judged.” What good is it to you to feed the hungry, give the thirsty to drink, or visit prisoners in jail?
Remember that sentence from Paul: “If I give my body to be burned and all my goods to feed the poor and have not love . . .” It’s not your actions, it’s your being that counts. Then you might swing into action. You might or might not. You can’t decide that until you’re awake. Unfortunately, all the emphasis is concentrated on changing the world and very little emphasis is given to waking up. When you wake up, you will know what to do or what not to do. Some mystics are very strange, you know. Like Jesus, who said something like “I wasn’t sent to those people; I limit myself to what I am supposed to do right now. Later, maybe.” Some mystics go silent. Mysteriously, some of them sing songs. Some of them are into service. We’re never sure. They’re a law unto themselves; they know exactly what is to be done. “Plunge into the heat of battle and keep your heart at the lotus feet of the Lord,” as I said to you earlier.
Imagine that you’re unwell and in a foul mood, and they’re taking you through some lovely countryside. The landscape is beautiful but you’re not in the mood to see anything. A few days later you pass the same place and you say, “Good heavens, where was I that I didn’t notice all of this?” Everything becomes beautiful when you change. Or you look at the trees and the mountains through windows that are wet with rain from a storm, and everything looks blurred and shapeless. You want to go right out there and change those trees, change those mountains. Wait a minute, let’s examine your window. When the storm ceases and the rain stops, and you look out the window, you say, “Well, how different everything looks.” We see people and things not as they are, but as we are. That is why when two people look at something or someone, you get two different reactions. We see things and people not as they are, but as we are.
Remember that sentence from scripture about everything turning into good for those who love God? When you finally awake, you don’t try to make good things happen; they just happen. You understand suddenly that everything that happens to you is good. Think of some people you’re living with whom you want to change. You find them moody, inconsiderate, unreliable, treacherous, or whatever. But when you are different, they’ll be different. That’s an infallible and miraculous cure. The day you are different, they will become different. And you will see them differently, too. Someone who seemed terrifying will now seem frightened. Someone who seemed rude will seem frightened. All of a sudden, no one has the power to hurt you anymore. No one has the power to put pressure on you. It’s something like this: You leave a book on the table and I pick it up and say, “You’re pressing this book on me. I have to pick it up or not pick it up.” People are so busy accusing everyone else, blaming everyone else, blaming life, blaming society, blaming their neighbor. You’ll never change that way; you’ll continue in your nightmare, you’ll never wake up.
Put this program into action, a thousand times: (a) identify the negative feelings in you; (b) understand that they are in you, not in the world, not in external reality; (c) do not see them as an essential part of “I”; these things come and go; (d) understand that when you change, everything changes
Last week, in the spirit of Mathew 7:7 I had begun a massive prayer campaign asking for opportunities to demonstrate my love and to BE her husband. As I thought more and more about the choice I am confronted with, a part of me realized – that this was the answer to actually two prayers. One much more long term and beginning about a year ago with regard to the dynamic between my mother in law and my wife. The other began last week with hard core prayer over opportunities to HELP her and demonstrate my love for her.
Dang.
Be careful what you pray for, you just might get it.
Dreamhost