The wifey has been being nice lately. It is actually sort of weirding me out a bit. One of the things I had begun to understand is that my wife is basically my reflection in this world in many ways of my relationship to God. So this last two weeks I have been working hard core on cleanup of me and my mind. The powers that be seem to be reciprocating a bit. Thanks!

She actually apologized for something last night! Historically she has said I’m sorry two times in the last two years. Once was for something I shan’t go into here, and the other was an argument about two-three months ago. This time was different though. She took pride in her apology! She was putting forth EFFORT and was looking at herself too! I had felt like I was the only one attempting self-work over the last 1.9 years or so. She is seemingly working on her own spiiritual development as well now! No matter what happens between us, I am so pleased and happy for her on this!

Now all of this doesn’t mean anything. She is still adamant about not coming home or even considering reconciliation, saving a family, raising our kids the natural way, BUT she is practicising the very fine art of apologizing!

Here’s the thing. I can’t take the credit, because she has had a counselor working with her (the same one working with me), but none the less – there seems to be a very real correlation to what I am doing to what she is doing. I’ll give another example.

A few months ago, I started getting back into sports and such. I used to deplore sports and viewed it as following someone else’s life rather than living your own. That may well be true; however, it also seems about identification with the struggle. The victory and the defeats. Perhaps people don’t have enough victory and defeat in their life and so they must live it out vicariously through football and other sports. Well point is, the wifey has started getting into football quite a bit is what several people have told me. Interesting. I tried to expand my world by forcing myself to get into something that I consciously deplored – passively watching sports. The struggle. I’m been forcing myself to do the same with other things including forgiveness, cleaning up my soul, letting go, etc.

Yesterday morning I went for my walk. I’ve been doing this for about three weeks now. I’ll go for a walk in the morning to start my day. As I was doing this, at first I would bring some podcasts so I could learn something new. Eventually though, I started to just enjoy the sounds of nature. I started studying the planets and stars as they arose in the morning. When I was a kid I was into astronomy and could locate stars and planets quite easily, but I never bothered to pay attention to the motion of the planets and stars. It is interesting to try to “tune in” to that. I’ve been doing the same with the phases of the moon and other cycles of nature. As I go on my walks, I tried something new. I started asking questions about things. What is the grass for? What does it symbolically represent? What are the trees for? After a few minutes, answers started flowing from that creative source inside all of us I suspect. I also began something called self-talk.

Self-talk will sound slightly skitzophrenic (spelling). Basically, I “invoke” certain parts of me that aren’t ready to forgive for whatever reason. They hold onto resentment and anger. In the morning when I do my towel ring out exercise of forgiveness, it is for one aspect of myself. The other aspects are triggered at different times by different stimuli. When I do my forgiveness towel thing, I’m not truly working with the part of me that has resentment. I’m only working with the part of me that is naturally predisposed to forgive! So I need to work with the resentful side that hangs out in deep dark places that are hard to find!

I have to work with those sides of me, but somehow have the “observer” part of my mind still active. So I’ll ask questions that I know will bring up the parts that have resentment. Then I try to hang onto a part of my mind that is watching the whole process – a different viewpoint if you will. The resentful part will speak of such astrocities that it feels it’s wife has done, then the other part will gently remind through self-talk – yes that is true, but are we not here to forgive – to learn how to forgive? The other part will mention that I had done things to contribute to where we are at and that only through letting go and forgiveness can we expect the heavenlies to move. So the resentful part accepts this very rational argument and it feels lighter. Then it may burst out into an emotional tirade on my walks (it is important to do this where no one is watching). I try to hold on with the observer part of my mind and basically reconcile the two aspects of mind and bring them together into wholeness until they are married. Until they are one. When the resentful part of me has been raised up, when it has grown, then I am able to work faster on the spiritual development and sanctification process. This process is painful. It hurts really really bad, but when it is over with there is a release. Hopefully this isn’t just some sort of emotional self mental-sex, but is actually developing.

The overarching point to all of this, is that I had a major session and faced two major tests. I managed to hold on this time and did my best to forgive in the moment. I told myself to “pray through it”. The heavenlies moved and the whole thing was cleared up within an hour. Then last night, the wifey apologized for something! Are the two correlated?

Another thing happened yesterday. Before my walk, I had the opportunity to kill a bug, but spared its life because I’m trying to be all loving to all of God’s creatures and such. The bug showing up reminded me that just the day before, my mom had told me a story about finding a baby rattle snake in her house. Her fellow spare the snake and took it to a nearby creek. Mom was up in arms about this, but I told her that he did the right thing and that she should watch for what happens and not tell him, because I bet that his life would later be spared on something else. Perhaps the bug was a test for me. I suppose the tests can come in the smallest package. Truly the flap of a butterfly’s wings can start a hurricane.

I began my normal morning walk, but it was looking cloudy outside. I got this mental image of it starting to rain violently as soon as I got back from my walk. It wasn’t a vision, just something in the back of my mind. As I went for my walk I started thinking about transformation, my marriage, my self, those I love, etc. A few seconds later I passed a young boy and his mother discussing a caterpillar and that it turns into a butterfly! A butterfly is one of those symbols that has often showed up right as I had given up hope on the whole situation and my family. Well I thought it was neato that the kiddo was talking about this, but continued down my walk. I saw two love birds, then an owl, then on the return trip it started to get really cold. The wind picked up. A few drops of rain pelted me here and there. The sting felt so good on my skin. I tried to feel the drops as they hit me and thought that I might even get an early morning rain walk. It would be electric! As I continued my walk, I crossed paths (almost stepped on) with a baby snake. Perhaps I didn’t get bitten because of my mom’s fellar? Who knows. I sensed that I had better get the move on so I walked a bit faster. I saw the approaching rain and knew it was a matter of a minute or two. Finally I made it back to the house and within 15 seconds it started pouring down rain!

Later on I went to my wife’s house. I got to go pee in her house for the first time. As I interacted with her I saw the butterfly. It was there on here neck – the necklace I had bought her for Christmas! Now this still doesn’t mean anything, but it was definitley a sign from the heavenlies for me. She gave me instructions for the medicine and my son who was sick. She was friendly. There was no awkwardness. Eventually, she came outside to get the kids in the car. I had somehow parked my car within a millimeter of her garage. As we were leaving, she came out to ask me about grandmas.

Later that evening we were close to getting into an argument about an issue with the court papers. The pastor counselor helped us work through the issue. When it was all said and done we were both happy and gleeful for a few minutes after we avoided the argument and still addressed the issue. I told her – I wish we would have known how to do this 5 years ago.

What a day!

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The head of the Jewish new year is coming. They celebrate in a couple days. I’ll be celebrating this coming Friday whenever at the first new moon. It is a time to toss out the old and clear out for the new. Since it is headed into autumn, we will have a decline in the male energetic aspects of life. The new moon representing a time for new birth, growth, etc. Combining these two can make a powerful statement to our little earth bound minds.

Thus far I have given the bathroom, my bedroom, and am in the process of giving the kitchen a complete cleansing. This means taking all the dishes out and running through the dishwasher, scrubbing the shelves, and I’m even painting the walls. By working with this, I am in fact – working with my mind. I took some hot water, sea salt, peppermint oil, lemon juice, and a bit of ammonia and scrubbed the walls first. It feels like cleaning a part of one’s soul.

In preparation, I’m planning to go on a raw veggie diet this week and have been cleaning my house. There is a reason that we get a good feeling after cleaning and the symbolic nature of this holiday is the perfect time for such things. I plan to give away some of my old stuff. To “let go” of something I hold near and dear to my heart. It is a favorite shirt of mine. It will be difficult to part with, but it must be released.

There are some other things that must be released as well. They have to do with old habits, situations, and maybe even relationships. How then can I allow for the new to come in, if I am still holding onto the old?

By the way, the Rosh in Rosh Hashanah (spelling) is from the Hebrew letter R. The Hebrew letter R looks like a pictograph of someone’s head in older more ancient writings (see ahrc.org). Head of the year.

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I’ve found a new tool for assisting with difficult emotions as they come.

In a word, essential oils are the bomb.

Here is the very complicated chemical equation.

+ Relax (TM) essential oil breathed directly into a nostril =

Essential oils cost money, so here are some freebies.

One effect I have found is forcing a smile. I try to do the biggest cheesiest grin I can muster when I get down. It is fun to watch the brain chemicals or whatever go to work. If I hold the smile for awhile, the next thing I know I am laughing and cutting up again. For a full understanding, I suggest that you see the movie Braveheart – it is the part where the Irishman says “It is my Island” and then provides a very cheesy grin. That’s the type of grin you are shooting for. Don’t do this in public lest people think you have gone mad not unlike the Irishman in Braveheart. The hard part is when you forget…. so don’t forget to smile (right now I am grinning like a possum).

Another one is breath. We don’t breathe enough as Americans or westerners for that matter or so I have read. I’ve found that by concentrating on my breath it can affect my emotions, level of relaxation, and definitely aids in energy levels.

Breathe. It’s free.

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Devorah
Dvarim

A word-fast. A different kind of fast.

See how often negative words turn up, like should and shouldn’t, could and couldn’t, ought to, have to, can’t, and more. Become aware of this discipline being mind changing, catapulting you into a higher realm of thinking. It will free up your intuitional skills when you don’t have to feel or think anything, but simply allow yourself to be.

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Meditation is the coolest thing since sliced bread.

Yeah, so I’ve been practicing meditation to further my prayer / spiritual life. The first time I tried it on my own – nothing doing. I have discovered that there are various training videos available on youtube which greatly accelerate the process of learning to meditate. This is all part of my grand spiritual exploration. I’ve read and read about how to do it, but nothing quite like a video to really make a 1000 words more clear. In addition, I purchased a couple of hypnosis tracks. These are to better help me with that whole controlling the mind / tongue thing and hopefully not do or say anything stupid while around the PSTBEW or anyone else for that matter. Making the thoughts become like the mind of Christ – the tongue controlled as well.

Any hoo, as I was meditating… focused on the breath, etc… thoughts became empty…. and then my body basically became numb. A couple of fluttering thoughts here and there, but they quickly went away. The audio proceeds and eventually even the audio fades into the background. I’m completely zoned out. Memories of what was said in the track become a distant memory. As though I’m looking back on my childhood or perhaps trying to recall a dream in the morning. It is going along. I’m out. Elvis has left the building. As the tape proceeds eventually it stops. This particular set was for training on out of the body experiences and what not – therefore it did not slowly bring me back to a fully aware state – but rather was designed to keep me on the edge between sleep and consciouness. That state of mind where I had previously written about having a few out of body type experiences before. Given the design of the track and the time – it was day – I guess it sort of startled me a bit. A bit startled. Here I am, trying to figure out how to animate my arms again. I’m looking at my hand and I’m thinking.. I want to move my hand, but it won’t move. My body is completely stationary with the exception of eye movements apparently. I hesitate.

Move hand dang it. Move. It won’t move. Why won’t my hand move? Starting to get frustrated I wonder, if this is some sort of temporary paralysis. Will it be permanent? My mind panics a bit. Annoying meditation permanent paralysis trickster tape always freezing up my motor control. Okay, well surely its not permanent – yet the thought crosses my mind. If somehow I become paralyzed from listening to this stupid tape then that would be comical yet sad. As comical as walking into an open man hole and dying to paraphrase brook shields I think.

Finally, motor control returns to my arms and I pick up my hand relieved that I’m not permanently immobile due to experimenting with meditation. That would suck.

Anyway, this has helped me tremendously in my prayer life and for controlling that ol’ emotional roller coaster. Check it out if you are in a roller coaster yourself and are unsure of how to control the emotions or perhaps just want a bit of peace.

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The save the marriage / prevent the divorce books invariably suggest one strategy consistently across almost every book. Don’t push too hard.

What does that mean though? Don’t push.

I think it is something like this. There are things that your now estranged and if you are lucky, angry partner, would not want you to do even though logic might dictate they should. Guess what – if you came up with the idea – by definition it is a bad idea!

Emotions are a very powerful force for controlling decisions like it or now. I remember at one point I was presenting all the data that I could to my wife that saving the marriage was the most logical choice. Yeah – she didn’t buy it. She was tired and didn’t care as long as she was away from me – at all costs.

Can you think of a moment where you may have been like this in your life? Perhaps a moment that you had become so distraught that you no longer cared about the outcome? That no additional effort would result in anything positive. I remember feeling like this after staying up for several days while in college working on finishing projects. After staying up for 3 days in a row, the value of sleep started looking awfully appealing even if I failed a course. Perhaps compare this to ol’ Esau trading his birth right and father’s blessing for a nice meal from Jacob. If your spouse has run out of fight – then it is up to you to save this marriage. Call me old fashioned or just crazy, but I truly believe marriage is until death to us part and is the most important human relationship on this planet and worth every inch of fight that you have even if your spouse is tired. How do you give your spouse more energy – without pushing?

I couldn’t ask my wife to remove the emotion from her decisions – only a 3rd party was able to do that for me – the only thing I could do was work towards giving her more energy and helping her no longer be tired. A vacation certainly helped with that, activities, happy memories, etc.
So what is pushing? Simple – would your “wanting to leave” spouse want what you are about to suggest? Does it interest them or are you merely suggesting something in the hope that they will respond with love for your sake? Ask yourself first.

• My “wanting to leave” wife, would you like to go on a vacation by yourself? Yes!
• My “wanting to leave” wife, would you like to go to marriage counseling with me? No!
• My “wanting to leave” wife, would you like to go to the bookstore and get some books? Yes – I’ve always wanted to read Hemmingway.
• My “wanting to leave” wife, would you like to go to the bookstore and get some marriage saving books? NO!
• My “wanting to leave” wife, would you like to go to have dinner “just as friends”. I guess
• My “wanting to leave” wife, would you like to go on a date with me? NO!
  My “wanting to leave” wife, would you like to go to the park with me to watch the kids play. Yes!
• My “wanting to leave” wife, would you like to go to the park to talk about our marriage while the kids play? NO!

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One way or another you figured out (at least) one of the things that has caused your spouse to leave you and ask for a divorce. Whatever it is, from not taking enough showers to fooling around outside your marriage, it is up to you to change. This article is not about whatever the issue is, it is about the change you need to make.

You think changing something in yourself is going to be easy? “Yes honey, I promise I’ll be good from now on” isn’t worth the powder to blow it up. You have been doing this for long enough to cause your spouse to give up and move out. And you may not have even been conscious of your habit! That is the situation I have been in. Yes, some issues might have been a real choice on your part, but the results now are that your marriage is in mortal danger of dissolving. How to make that right?

“Yes, but it’s my wife who has a screw loose!” Earth to Reader! Change is not easy, but it’s easier to work a real change in you than it is to cause someone else to change. You want your marriage back together? Seek real professional help. But keep in mind, you do your work, and your spouse needs to do theirs. Don’t cross over!

I have figured out the secret to working out a real change in yourself takes three steps,

1. Find the thing in you that does need change.

2. Learn the new direction you need to go.

3. Find a reward for yourself – see the advantage in the “new” you.

Look at Yourself

Jesus made a point that people easily find fault in others, and ignore the problem in themselves. That’s what he was talking about when he said “Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?” (Matthew 7:1 (8 hits))

Your spouse has told you (probably more than once) what’s bugging her. Brother, you need to work on yourself to find the root cause. For almost a year, my wife had accused me of being controlling. I didn’t believe her. After she left, I had extra time for examining myself and more time for prayer. I came to the conclusion she was right, after all!

Make a Plan

Once you’ve seen the log in your own eye, it’s time to get to work. Picture yourself without this problem. How do you think? How do you act? What do you need to do? If you came to GlassGloves.com looking for a way to save your marriage, you know what this change might cost you. It will be worth it!

The first step is an APOLOGY. Your spouse has been through enough pain – enough to believe it’s better living without you. This will be your turning point. Be “bottom of your heart” sincere. Listen to and accept any criticism. Be open and truthful, even if your wife has that “I’ve heard this before” look on her face.

Change Direction

Next, to help both you and your spouse understand what’s going on, BE ACCOUNTABLE. Ask your wife to help you by reminding you when the old you surfaces. This will happen, and hopefully you might catch yourself before she does! Use a code word or signal (“That’s silly”, or “lay off”). Being accountable to another will go a long way in keeping you on track, and your accountability person will be actively watching for the good changes.

Reward Yourself

Change for change’s sake is worthless. You need a reward for yourself, and I don’t mean “I’ll get my marriage back together”. Realize how this change will reward you personally. When I recognized my tendency to control others and worked to stop that, I found a reward: I didn’t have to worry about other people’s lives! I could just live my own! Seriously – do not think getting approval from others is any reward. You need to find value for yourself in your new change. Running up the applause meter might feel good, but that won’t make for a life changing experience.

If your wife does say you stink, then be conscious simply of the fresh feeling you get when you get out of the shower (yes, and your wife’s reaction when she knows you are clean). If you have been involved with someone else (this is a symptom of issues too deep to talk about here) remember, if nothing else, you don’t need to live two lives any more – you need only focus on the real love of your life. If you spend too much time with your work – if that’s what you “live” for, take a look at the rest of the world, and learn there’s real enjoyment in sharing what God has given us all.

Yes these are simplistic solutions, but you need to do the real work in yourself and for your marriage. Seek God’s wisdom:

1 Mortals make elaborate plans, but God has the last word.

2 Humans are satisfied with whatever looks good; God probes for what is good.

3 Put God in charge of your work, then what you’ve planned will take place.

Proverbs 16:1-3 (8 hits) (The Message)

[Note: I wrote this before I read Shohn's latest entry, "Talking About Problems Doesn't Help". But he uses some of these techniques!]

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Here is another fun story about how to encourage your wife to divorce you.
We had a nice little front porch argument after which my wife was convinced for the 2nd time (of three total) that we needed a divorce.

Somehow her mother managed to talk her into meeting me at McDonald’s so that we could discuss our differences in a civil tone. Somehow being in public makes everyone behave themselves.

My wife had “shut me out”  after I had somehow managed to convince her to come back this time. She told me she was giving me one more chance, but if I couldn’t learn to control my temper it would be over. I asked her to warn me if I started to escalate the ol’ temper to which she agreed.
After she was back home, she didn’t want to “talk about it”. Unfortunately, at that time I didn’t understand the rule that talking about problems just makes things worse. Naturally, the antagonist that I am, I proceed to poke and prod at her to get her to talk about the problems. At that time, I still perceived half of the problems to be me and half her, but I wasn’t smart enough to realize that it doesn’t matter whose fault they are. Assigning blame doesn’t help.  It’s not a trial of law, though it is a trial in your life.

She had agreed to allow me to sleep in the same bed so long as I stayed on my side. The idiot that I was, I couldn’t just keep my mouth shut. I started trying to get her to read books about saving marriages. I showed her the passages about what she was doing wrong and what I was doing wrong. Oops. Good job, Shohn.

That just pushed her away.  Eventually, I managed to anger so much that she went to sleep on the couch. This was in the dead of Texas summer and we weren’t running the AC so it was hot. The room with the couch did not have a ceiling fan. She would rather sleep on the couch in that hot room than on a nice soft bed with a ceiling fan. I went and confronted her some more to read the books so we could save this marriage – she shut down and quit talking. This drives my personality type insane. I said some things I shouldn’t have then she just looked at me with some facial expressions that say “I hate you” and said “You are just signing the papers right now”. Finally, I calmed down and went back to our bed and let her sleep on the couch.

In retrospect, I should have offered her the bed. Now guys, there is something you need to know about here. Have you ever looked at your woman and had her give you one of those looks that says “I hate you”. Leave her be, buddy.

What have you learned from this – if you’re marriage is on rocky ground – talking about the problems doesn’t help. Wait till it is stable or you have finally reached stage 3 of the marriage.

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Much of this post is an excerpt or verbatim from another forum that I frequent, but I thought it would be useful to someone in a similar situation.

Let me frame this, let’s just say that your wife has turned to someone outside of the marriage for emotional support. Number one no-no in a marriage right?

You may wonder how to get your wife to stop doing that. You may ask and if your wife is somewhat honorable then she could agree, but in many ways it is like an addiction that may require you to intervene. Let me warn you – this is dangerous stuff – most of the “prevent divorce” tactics advise against what I did – so you better know what you are doing or have awesome good luck. I share it only because it may help someone  who could be in this situation.
Biblically and as a Christian, when confronted with evil we are to turn the other cheek right? indeed, but I believe that normally would only apply to physical threats to one’s person or verbal assaults and probably doesn’t apply to one’s loved ones. I personally think that  protecting one’s family requires that Christian compassion, but the form of compassion required doesn’t mean you need to sit on your hands either. To do nothing could be just as bad as not turning the other cheek. What a moral dilemma when your marriage is on the line. I decided my marriage was more important than me sitting on idle hands.
Now then, this is how I got my wife to stop seeking support outside of the marriage.

Let me give you some background, and again please be very careful with this – I just lucked out on this – it might totally backfire in your case, but it should at least give you some ideas or confirm your suspicion that I am crazy.

After she “snapped” and lost hope in our marriage ever working, my wife was running around telling everyone how crazy I was. She started to act pretty much nuts, psycho, whatever you want to call it for awhile. She told folks that I almost daily beat her, the children, the dog, the cat, the goldfish, her tennis shoes you name it – anything to get some attention from anyone who would listen and someone did start to listen. My fault for working so much I suppose and generally being a bad husband, but either way she started making up stories about me. Crazy times those were.

Naturally, the other person understood me to be either stark raving mad or a crazy daddy bear protecting his cubs at any cost and this was conveniently emphasized by all the stories my wife had told everyone. Somehow saying everything as calmly as I did convinced the other person that I was either absolutely nuts or part of me suspects that they may have actually seen me as a real person with real feelings for my family and not the lunatic my wife described. Anyway – the interference phone calls from her to the other person stopped after that because that person refused to answer her calls.

My goal was to deflate the fantasy created outside of the marriage. Once the little alternate reality was deflated – things started moving along much quicker within our marriage recovery efforts.

Please be careful with this story – again it could totally backfire, my only hope was to give you some lessons from either my big mistake as I’m sure some will say or OUR success.

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I watched the movie “History of Violence” the other night. Warning spoiler is coming. Skip this post if you haven’t seen the movie.

The main hero in this movie seems to have had a bit of a checkered mafia past which he did a fairly good job of concealing from his wife. Evidently, he spent three years in a desert ridding himself of his past and becoming a new person. Curiously enough – the transformation that occurred in the hero of this show, may be considered somewhat analogous to acceptance of the Man upstairs as your Saviour. At some point our hero intervenes in the antics of some robbers / murderers and becomes the unwitting hero of his small town and the focus of national television. His old gangster pals see him on TV and come to pay him a visit. He is living with both a different name and different mentality from his desert transformation, but his old mafia buddies continue to harass him and his family.

Eventually his wife begins to suspect that something is amiss – something is not quite right. She finds out enough of the truth to really send a rift between the two of them. Turns out this guy was a bit of a gangster / ex-mafia hit man or something. By then end of the movie though, I got the feeling that she stood by him. She may not have been too happy about him not telling her sooner, but I sensed that he was able to turn their family back in the right direction.

Secrets are a such an awful thing in a marriage aren’t they? As I’ve said before, I’ve more or less always felt that a couple should never have secrets that are kept from one another. Are there circumstances though, that would merit that your sweetheart not knowing about certain things from your past (e.g., you used to be a mafia boss)? It seems that in the case of the lead character from this movie, choosing not to share his past with his wife may have actually been the only moral and ethical thing to do if the cost of sharing was wrecking his entire family – affecting multiple innocent lives only to assuage his own guilty conscience. It is one heck of a moral dilemma no?

How should we react if our spouse reveals something to us from their past that they have protected us from all these years? Should we not rejoice that our spouse is no longer burdened by carrying such a secret? Should we not be glad that our spouse has taken the courage to share it with us so that the healing may begin? Should we not be happy that our spouse waited long enough for the past transgression to be a distant memory?

It is a tough question, but none the less one that may be asked during the downward spiral of divorce. All of a sudden it seems that all of the bitter truths are laid out on the table. Why is it that it takes a traumatic event like a divorce or break in a relationship for the delivery of such truths? I’m not entirely sure, but I suspect it is probably close to the same reason that some families are only nice to one another at funerals. The difference though it what you choose to do with this former secret. One approach is to make a big fuss and say to your spouse “You lied to me all these years” – another is to rejoice – though the truth may sting a bit – you are glad that your spouse no longer carries that burden because you love them.

Now that said, if you’ve got some dark secrets and you’re in the middle of trying to save your marriage from impending divorce it may not be the best of times to reveal such information. My guess is that you have a higher moral obligation to save your marriage than to reveal something just for the sake of your own guilty conscience. Especially since you know that the revelation of such information to your spouse will just give them more ammunition to leave – unless you both have agreed to get it all out on the table to proceed in the right direction towards saving the marriage.

I know my wife and I tried the “get it all out on the table” tactic and it didn’t work very well for us. We only succeeded in hurting one another. I think the key for us was where we were at with our impending divorce. The release of such information should have waited until after we were back on track.

We were only able to talk about hidden truths after the marriage was headed back in the right direction.

What is the moral to the story? Don’t lie if asked, but be careful to not add extra fuel to the fire of downward spiral just to relieve your own conscience. I personally think it is better to start with the buried problems once the direction is headed back in the right direction and both of you, in the words of Jack Nicholson (A Few Good Men), can handle the truth!

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