Before I had my “great awakening” or whatever, I had this uncle.

He wore shirts that said “Christ is King”, “Jesus is My Savior”, stuff like that.

I viewed him with a certain love, but passively annoyed by his joy and billboards.

Then that something happened… which I have described about 1000 times in my story. He became my “brother”. We started working in tandem… knowing full well that we could not leave this earth without sharing the Good News with my family -many of whom seemed lost.
There we were at Christmas last year….. getting ready to say the prayer. Something hit me inside… go to your car and get your Bible…… so I did.

I went and got it…. spoke to my aunt … a hard core Catholic (I was attending RCIA at the time – though I went through 13 years of Catholic school). I said to her.. I’d like to read from the scriptures… before the prayer. I expected resistance… instead I got “That’s a great idea”

So we gathered around… she made the announcement. Shohn is going to read from the Bible ….

One of my cousins looks on and says…. “Come ooon….. preacha Shohn…. bring it to me brotha…”

Similar comments follow from my Dad. It goes around in circles for a bit. Sort of like the wave at a baseball game…. then silence gets ushered in by the authorities (my aunt).

So I read the story…. what we call the nativity scene.

It was 1 page. As I read, I can hear the murmured annoyance at having to wait a minute before dinner.

Finally it ends. Release.

Another aunt comes up to me later… Shohn thanks so much for reading from the scriptures….

Another comes up later, this aunt is special. She HATES God. She said that it meant a lot to her.

The ice was broken. My uncle and I had been working in tandem to figure out how to reach our family.

This year…. my uncle read…. He later told me that he would not have had the guts to do that the first year. People came up to him later saying that it was good. I have no idea where I got the guts from.
Breaking the ice. It takes just one… to plant the seed. Then it can grow.

This year, my grandfather, my dad, and my uncle may be attending a Christian men’s conference together.

What are the odds? Play Texas Lottery.

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I had something rather interesting happen to me today that I found slightly amusing. So there I was outside the office having a nice little smoke break. Yeah, I know, I’ve quite about 100 times. Anyway, this guy makes a b-line for me, his clothes are bit disheveled, clearly his purpose is to extract either some change or a smoke from me. I used to work in downtown where many a supposed homeless man prospered from my bleeding heart. So I recognize it right away.

It is just another pattern I guess.

Let’s see what he wants. Is it money, tell me a great story about how needs only a dollar more for a bus ticket, how he is no longer on drugs, or he needs a dollar to go see his son, the list goes on. Now make no mistake, some of those guys have very real stories, but I’ve found that a number of them just make stuff up. Yeah, I give em money anyway – shame on me for supporting their lifestyle, but I figure there has to be one in a hundred who actually needs the money, had a real story, and many of them are mentally ill. I’ve seen some that swat at stuff that isn’t there before.
Some of the more inventive homeless folk in Houston are now asking for money to supply such high ambitions as a college fund for their kids and even just honest – Need money for Beer! I really feel sorry for them though. Imagine being caught up in something like that and not having the will and sometimes the ability to break out of the cycle. What went wrong? I have to admit though, that sometimes I envy these folks a bit. The only thing they really have to worry about is where to sleep and where their next meal comes from.
Well anyway here goes the rest of the story:

Disheveled clothes man: Hey man can I have a cigarette?

Smoke break guy: I guess so.

Disheveled clothes man: How about two, I’ve got a quarter.

Smoke break guy thinks to himself, okay, you don’t have to buy them if I’m giving them to you, but maybe this is some kind of pride thing.

Smoke break guy: Well, you keep that, here’s a couple of smokes.

Disheveled clothes man: Thanks!

Disheveled clothes man: God bless Vietnam vets man, that’s why they’re not fat like you.

Smoke break guy: Puzzled look.

Disheveled clothes man: Realizes what he just said. Big koolaid smile. Slight stutter for split second.
Disheveled clothes man: Continues to smile, But, that’s healthy, take care.

Disheveled clothes man makes haste!

Smoke break guy thinking to himself: You seem a tad bit young to have been in the war man. Very clever though, you never said you were in the war.
Smoke break guy: Bursts out into laughter.

That guy just made my day! To make matters even funnier though, a slim fit woman comes jogging by with her athletic gear on immediately after this whole incident. This is Texas – it is HOT outside right now. I can only imagine how much tougher than me she is to be running in 105 degree heat! If I said the wrong thing, I imagine this girl would clean the pavement with my rear end.
I look up at the sky and say to our Father – so what? You’re saying I’m fat too?

I promptly relayed this story to my wife, but she didn’t seem to appreciate the inherent humor in it. She also says I’m not fat, but I think she’s looking at me through a different set of goggles than the person who just paid me a wonderful compliment and got two of my smokes for free!
Perspective baby.
Still though, there is a deeper lesson here, and that is the one of the downward spiral not unlike what our homeless friend had been experiencing for some time. The same pattern can apply in marital disputes. What happens is the two of you, though you are supposed to act like one, became selfish somehow. It happens. I do it all the time and just keep working towards perfection, but I’m a long way away. He did this, she did this, he did this, from an outsider it looks like two little kids fighting. One of the kids needs to have a maturity growth moment to pull the other one out of the argument, or you could always just have mom and dad stop the fight. Some folks do this for 20-30 years and still never figure it out. Never make it to stage 3 in the marriage that is.
That makes me wonder though. When my children decide they want to argue over something, I’ve found that one of the most effective cures is to have them both sit down and face each other. Eventually, one will smile, and the fight is over about 10 seconds later. I wonder if this could somehow work in a marital argument? I know I mentioned the joke tactic before, but there is just something really powerful about a smile, or staying mad at someone who is being nice to you. It is hard to do, eventually the desire to stay angry can’t stay as long as there is a smile in the way. A smirk on the other hand…. get ready for WWIII. People are so funny!

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They say that if you’re going fishing not to take only one Baptist because by themselves they’ll drink all your beer, buf if you bring two they won’t touch your beer. Well, I’ve never verified this joke because I’m not the fishing type of guy. I never had the patience for it. Let me get this straight – you go out sit outside – throw a lure into a pond and wait for a fish to bite and that is somehow fun? Who has the time for such things? What is the value?

You see – I’ve been trying to find something that my eldest and I can do together. She is a bit of a wascally wabbit – resistant to authority – needs lots of attention, etc.  Not quite unlike me in this regard. Now a days we call this ADHD or something like that. It used to be called being a kid – or just strong willed. Now we just drug the kids up and hope for the best – we hope that somehow the new drugs are better than the Ridalin (spelling?) that we used to give to kiddos like this.  I tried something a bit unorthodox by today’s standards perhaps. I took her fishing. I didn’t think I’d enjoy it, but hey I never thought I’d like cole slaw either and that seems to have changed recently. I absolutely love the stuff now so maybe I could give fishing a try. Besides, if she enjoys it then I enjoy it.
We have a place out in the country. Lots of land – a couple of ponds even. All for the bargain price of about 150k. Texas is so swell.

I’ve had people fish on our pond and told me that there were no fish in the pond. Well, imagine this, I set out to prove them wrong.

My daugther and I went out to my little pond equipped with a couple of $10 rod and reels, my tacklebox I had as a boy but never really used (remember I was a geek kid – geeks don’t fish), and a big bucket to hold any of the fish I was sure we were going to catch. Now just because I’m a geek by nature, doesn’t mean I don’t know how to do these things – I was raised in sort a weird ecclectic blend of both city and country – farm and high tech. What’s a geek being raised on a used car lot and his grandfather’s farm to do – well learn a bunch of skills he never thought would be all that useful, but now realize the value about 20 years later as I’m sitting here fishing with my daughter.

It was a beautiful scene. Far away from the fast-paced IT environment that I’m used to. Everything was slow. I watched the clouds interact with the sun, the little bitty insects, and the occasional stirring of the wind. Peaceful – serene – calm – words are useless here.
We fished for about an hour. No such luck. Perhaps this pond doesn’t have any fish. What about Perch though. There has to be at least one Perch. Birds come by and drop off perch eggs in ponds all across Texas I am told.

As I’m sitting here I start pondering how our universe may have unfolded and why it is so difficult for many to imagine or even accept that “Poof – God did it”.  Faith like a child. I wondered if the fish ever wondered where they came from. If they possesed the ability to think up such questions would they believe that the pond was the universe? I think our soley scientific friends may be in that boat. They discuss other dimensions, etc.; however, the thought that a spiritual world exists outside of what can be traditionally measured or tested is beyond them. They are like the fish in a pond or a fish bowl. It is difficult to even begin to explain what I’m talking about because I’m almost immediately called “narrow-minded” – irony at its best.

I think more about this though – what could I do to prove to them that Yahweh exists. It needs to be something that they could test and verify since they reject the notion that Yahweh is self-evident in his word. In His scriptures, Yahweh encourages us to test him in one way that I’m aware of. It is in the area of first fruits. Give unto him your first fruits as sacrafice and he’ll bless you. I read it some more and as far as I can tell it is more about literally fruit i.e., agrictulture production instead of money, but since noone  really owns family farms anymore well…. I guess money may be close to fruit. Perhaps instead it means giving the first of your groceries to those in need -after all, it is not like you really needed those fudge striped cookies anyway. I’m thinking of an experiment here. I’m going to try my hand at farming and then literally give my first fruits to his work – then I’m going to go into the city and load up some homeless people with nothing to lose and let them pick from the remainder of the harvest. What a beautiful and poetic law. They still have to work for food by gathering the harvest, but I’m not being a money grubbing whore either. Win win situation. I am currently implementing this plan – we’ll see how it goes.

I am told that fish inside a fish bowl only see themselves. This may be like us when we are not reborn with Yahweh’s spirit. I continue to ponder the secrets of the universe…. Daddy I caught a fish!

It was a little bitty fish. Too small for dinner. We had to set this one free. I instructed my daughter on washing her hands in the pond – and then we very carefully released it back into its universe. It had never known that there was an entire world outside of the one that it lived in.

We continued fishing and started thinking more about Yeshua’s call for us to be fishers of men. We are called to make ripples in the pond of this world. What poetry. My thoughts recentered on the aforementioned homeless project. Yes this is a good project, but what about the legal ramifications. What if one of these guys gets hurt somehow and sues my pants off. Gee whiz – I can’t even feed some homeless guys without worry of losing everything I’ve worked for.  I say to myself – TRUST. TRUST him. Internal turmoil – battling over trying to do something good vs. the risk. Don’t throw pearls before swine – give to anyone who asks. Hmmmm – if you give a man some fish – you feed him for a day. If you teach him how to fish – you feed him for a lifetime. Perhaps I’ll cook up some volunteer non-sue me document  to cover my arse here. Trust. Maybe I could make a non-profit organization and assign my property to it – that should cover my family from a legal perspective. Gosh what a pretty view of the sun. I’m told that if I spend more time with my daughters – they are less likely to wind up with teenage pregnacy – or get killed driving drunk. Perhaps slowing down is a good thing if you think about it right.
I got a bite! I got a bite! Come and see!

It was the same fish! I set out to prove everyone wrong and it looks like I was wrong and they were wrong too. I think there was only one fish in that pond and I think they were using the plural form of fish! How funny!

Apparently, there is only one fish in the sea for me.

Here’s the obligatory punch line!

Patience with restoring your marriage, but perhaps you should try a different lure if the one you are using isn’t working. One lure if you happen to have kids is spending more time with the kids, but don’t just check the box – you need to enjoy it just like I cole slaw!

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I had found a wild kitten living in our garage during my quest to save our marriage. In retrospect, I couldn’t help but notice the similarities between this kitten and my wife.

The kitten was angry, scared, hissed, and had a rather fearsome set of claws for as small as it was. When I tried to love it, it ran away and hid. Picture a big 200lb man trying to tame a little bitty kitten then getting his arm scratched up after trying to pick this kitten up. Whoah.
When I tried to be “loving” towards my wife it usually resulted in some hissing,  and some emotional scars from her verbal and rejection claws.

I tamed the kitten by very carefully studying its behavior and realizing that it was most likely not run away when it was cold and if I moved very slowly. Eventually I got close enough to pet the kitten; however, it was uneasy.

As time went on I made a warm bed for the kitten in a shoebox and very carefully placed the kitten in the shoebox. I fed it some kitty treats and continued to pet it. Slowly, over time this kitten became my friend. It now follows me around the house like a faithful dog and comes and sleeps by me at night. The kitty and I have our own special little bond.

Though your wife is human and has the spiritual side of her, she is also an animal just like you. Her behaviors will be largely predictable based on certain stimuli, show her unselfish love and eventually she will love you back. Think of yourself and your need to not feel rejected – she will claw you while she is trying to leave you.

Eventually, after you tame the anger and resentment, she will love you for being so persistent and not giving up on her and will accept that though you are are a big man and make mistakes. She knows by your persistence and consistency that your efforts are sincere and then will realize that perhaps her expectations were a little too high.

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