Glass Gloves

An article came into my inbox today, that I thought one excerpt was definitely relative to marital problem type situations. I’ve cut out the relevant portion below:

———– Excerpt

Bemidbar [Numbers] 11:1

1 And the people were as murmurers, speaking evil in the ears of YHWH; and when YHWH heard it, his anger was kindled; and the fire of YHWH burnt among them, and devoured in the uttermost part of the camp.

No one can speak evil in the hearing of YHWH and expect to be immune; and sometimes this evil speaking also affects those in close proximity.  So, if you are aware of an evil speaker (lashon hara), then you had better speak up and put an end to the evil speaking; and if the evil speaker continues, then it might just be wise to put as much distance between you and the evil speaker as possible.

But what is lashon hara or evil speaking?  It is defaming another person in the eyes of others.  If what is being said reduces the esteem of one person in the eyes of another, then YHWH’s anger will be kindled against the person so doing this evil deed.

I have seen instances where the person so guilty of this evil speaking began experiencing the discipline of YHWH for this type of evil.  But he had so convinced himself of his own rightness, that he was not able to repent; for he felt so justified in attempting to destroy the other person, that he could not see his own sin.  The end result was his being totally consumed by His anger.  This would not be necessary if the person would have just seen his own sin for what it was, and repented before YHWH and man!

———– Excerpt

Shohn’s comments begin–

The struggle with the above comment is that all too often in the marriage relationship - BOTH parties are guilty of the sin listed above.  I know I have been for sure. I get frustrated and say something out loud that I shouldn’t.

How then is a pair of separated or struggling spouses to gain repentance and hopefully rebuild their marriage?

The excerpt above may relate to what James was talking about as far as “guarding the tongue”. Again, I don’t have all the answers but I suspect at this time in my walk that basically whenever we speak evil of someone it literally comes back to haunt us in THIS life even if no one is around to hear. Not trying to go all zen buddhist, but i think you get the idea. As I understand it - the Jews believed that literally evil words would come back and get you - like some sort of karma thing.

Lesson here is to be careful if I’m understanding this stuff right. I’ve gone through and tried to think of everything anyone has ever said anything bad about my wife, my marriage, etc. and especially things hat I may have said bad about ANYONE and repented of it and asked for intercessory forgiveness for them and me - you know - poured out Jesus’ blood in prayer and what not on it and asked God to remove such curses if they were present. It sounds a bit like prosperity Gospel, but it also seems to be a theme in the Bible so it makes sense to me.

Anyway, after doing this it seemed to help some with my wife’s heart condition and my own - your mileage may vary! One of those things that just seems like a general biblical principal - not really having much to do with salvation, but rather a standard for good living (James 5:16). I imagine that there is some of this going on on the other side of the fence as well as we are still human, so perhaps as a husband we have the right to repent in prayer on our wives (or husbands) behalf if she or anyone else you know has done any of this stuff. We all do this of course, but if memory serves there were literal curses on Israel for evil words, James spoke about it, and also Israel was supposed to be an example for the rest of us - therefore it seems logical that such curses could apply to us in this life if the blood of our Savior hasn’t been poured out on them to wash them away.

You know - the blood of the lamb spilled on the door posts protected the Israelites from the judgment that would have resulted in death to all the first born sons in the homes of those who weren’t protected by the blood. This occurred while the Israelites were hanging out in Egypt (which means crucible) in a state of slavery. Wheew.. long sentence that was!

The blood of the  innocent and unblemished lamb was poured on the upright door posts (remind you of anything?) leading into the home (place of safety) and protecting one from death and judgment. Is our God poetic or what?

Here’s where this thought process gets interesting. I remember the quote from Paul about loving our wives like Christ loved the church. I’ve thought about this - not only did He die for them - but He also bore our sins (scape goat style - Old testament) and by analogy perhaps that is what we’re called to do for our wives to the degree that we can. There may be a reverse role as well, but I’m still thinking about that part. Not trying to go all chauvinistic - yes we are equals, but simply have different roles. I can no more be a mother than she can be a father. Not saying that it can’t be done, but rather the pieces just don’t fit as well.

I’m thinking that in many ways, perhaps that could be some of our role as husband though  - baring sins of our wives - asking Jesus to intercede for both of our mistakes. Now I know there is plenty of scripture to say that each person is responsible for their own sin, but at the same time there are things that say that we become one flesh with our spouses (not spirit). It just seems like the rules are slightly different for spouses.

Remember, woman took the first bite from that forbidden fruit and man went along with it…… and…….he………. pointed the blame squarely on her lap…. oops….. perhaps he should have pointed at himself instead for going along with it. He violated God’s commands and it was irrelevant what she had done - that’s God’s business not ours, but that doesn’t mean we can’t put up intercessory prayer for such things.

Solomon himself said something about there not even being 1 in 1000 women that were “good”, but he had 800 wives or something so he either never figured them out or maybe he really had something there hah - I jest. I’m not saying women are evil, just that I suspect that God almost designed the very differences in women and men to be such a struggle that on some levels it becomes a direct parallel and model for us to understand His relationship to Israel - the church, etc. and that’s probably why we’re supposed to stick it out. It doesn’t seem to get better if ever without a LOT of pain sometimes and I know plenty of couples that have proven this. Make sense?

IF we trust Him, we obey Him - IF she trust Us - our modern Bible beating wives would actually WANT to voluntarily submit to us or something like that. Why is there no trust sometimes? I think it happens when we don’t obey Him out of love or perhaps are ignorant to His word.

The problem is that His definition of love and ours is slightly different and man does it hurt to be without one’s wife. I’m now calling this pain and love - teddy bear love. The reality is that it is in a way a selfish form of love. Not sure what to do about it though!

Paul’s grand speech on love in 1 Corinthians 14 (I think) -used the Greek word agape - which is typically poorly understood in English speaking circles. I think it may give us some insight into what He felt like when the Israelites decided to make a nice golden calf after all that He had done for them. Either way though, as I understand it - women really value sacrificial love while still maintaining strength of character. Sometimes hard to balance eh?

The question then becomes…. is this marital pain discipline - and if so - what is the purpose? Or have we simply left some doors open in our lives for the enemy to slip in? I think it is a mix of both personally. I guess it just seems like everyone loves quoting John 3:16 now a days, but seems to have forgotten the principles and commands. Reminds me of me a few years ago so what do I know - His grace alone brought me to Him.  One other thing I was thinking about though… grace and mercy seem to occur before judgment.

I’m starting to think of grace in a similar capacity to that of a child being given warning shortly before a spanking and the following reconciliation cycle if present.

Now if I could only put 1% of this into practice, we’d be golden!

Done ramblin…. - Love ya all - have a blessed Passover and Resurrection day!

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One of my aunt’s and my mother had struggled with each other for years. My mom had said that my aunt had said that she had the “first” born grandson on purpose just to spite her. Not sure of what was actually said, but that’s what my mom heard. I was that first born grandson. Now my son is the last one in the line to carry the family name. On my mom’s side, there are no sons to carry the family name. The name will have died with my only uncle on that side. That conflict between mom and aunt has since been resolved so no worries there, but I thought it was interesting that on both sides of my family….. my son is the last of the Mohicans as far as carrying on any sort of name. Poetic justice or just random coincidence? Not sure.

This article will be long, but I think the punch line will be worth it.
So what’s in a name people may say. 10 fingers, 10 toes - other than that - who cares? I guess when born in   America our names really don’t mean anything. I have learned over the last year that this is not so with the Hebrew language. Everyone’s name means something it seems.

Let me first start with a rather crude joke that will help bring more depth to the concept of meaning in names. Yes it is crude, but there is a purpose so please forgive me.

An American Indian boy is in his tepee talking to his mother. He asks his mother… Mom - why is grandfather named Great Brown Bear? She says to him… well the day he was born, his father got out of the tepee and the first thing he saw was a great brown bear - so they named him Great Brown Bear.

Well, what about my father, Hawk Who Soars? Well, the day he was born, your grandfather stepped outside the tepee and the first thing he saw was a Hawk flying high in the sky.

His mother then says to the young lad…. Why do you ask Two Dogs Mating?

What a name to get stuck with eh? Reminds me of the boy name Sue of Johnny Cash fame.
There has been a lot of argument going back and forth over the use of the name Jesus, Yeshua, Yahushua, in some believer circles. Right now, it seems that there are several major camps here.

You’ve got what I may call,

1.) ordinary folks who seem to use Jesus but may say YHWH or their favorite derivative on occasion
2.) some who are absolutely against any of these silly name arguments - as though arguing over spelling and pronunciation is no better than the yeast of the Pharisees,

3.) Those who are so hard core on it, that it is considered sacrilege to refer to God as the the LORD since they say it is actually referring to LORD Ba’al aka Satan, and that his name has been replaced in the scriptures with something else.
4.) People who are clueless about any of this - and perhaps have the simple faith like a child.

Now all of this said, I have found several passages that say that in the latter times things will be said of the Gentiles - our fathers have inherited lies and they will cling to those who know God, then there was David calling on the name, etc.
Even in the oldest pre-Constantine manuscripts we have - there are “placeholders” for the divine names. That is, since certain Hebrew terms would not be accurately transmitted, the idea is placeholders were used instead to represent the divine names. In the dead sea scrolls, I am told that the YHWH name is present 7000 times. 7 is after all, one of God’s favorite numbers.
Now what is the significance of all this? Well, as perhaps a former member of group 4, then moving into group 3, then moving into somewhere between 1 and 2 - I do know that truth seems to be lost without the names, but I also realize we still need to be able to communicate with people in a manner that they will understand.

Each person seems to have a different measure of Spirit given to them, and you can’t just go in like a bull in a china cabinet and start shooting people in my opinion. It seems to be a very fine art. I’ve heard that Jesus… come on Shohn, just say Yeshua, you know you want to, had only about a 50% success rate with witnessing. The big man himself was only batting .333 ?

So what does all this have to do with a name? I’m getting there… it will take awhile so just hold onto your boot straps. I’m sort of blending two things at once here to get to this point. Yes this will be convoluted.

Now if you’ve read the Bible, you may recall a passage that talked about the master reaping where he had not sown. You know, where he talked about giving one servant 10 talents, another 5, and another 1 talent. All but the guy with one talent produced more talents. The 1 who produced nothing because he was scared (remember fear = opposite of love) got blasted. The fearful servant said he was scared of the master because he had reaped where he had not sown. The master then took away what was given to him, and gave it to another. Yikes. If you haven’t read this, then go find it. Google is great for this.

That passage has always troubled me. I used to think… God is mean. Shouldn’t he love the scared little guy who buried what he was given instead? Isn’t it all about LOVE man! Look at what I was doing… judging God. Not a good thing to do.
The trouble is that sometimes things are plain English - ha, but sometimes they have multiple layered depth and meaning - saying 3 or 4 things at once at least. I once read a book that said this passage was all about how God wants you to manage your finances - and it may be, but I think there is another jewel hidden here that I never found until the other day.
Let’s look again ….

Joh 4:37 “For in this the word is true, ‘One sows and another reaps.’
Joh 4:38 “I sent you to reap that for which you have not laboured. Others have laboured, and you have entered into their labours.”

Now on first glance, I thought this meant something about a mean master coming in and taking stuff that didn’t belong to Him. Then someone blended this into  book about managing your finances. This principal does seem to ring true for business that help the poor and what not, but then as I read into it even more - it seems to say something about the Harvest of Souls. That is getting people to “Get it” - entering into the Kingdom of sorts. More than just going to church and stuff, but that divine relationship. One preacher comes along and get rejected, one wolf in sheep’s clothing comes along and pushes you away, another wold comes along and swindles you out of cash to pay for his leer jet, another “REAL” one comes along and says something that hits you. Then you almost die in a car wreck, almost get divorced, or your mom dies of cancer…… you almost die of drug overdose, ……..and then FINALLY you turn to GOD. That is sort of my path. Hard hearted as I have been in my life.
Sometimes someone says just one word to hit your heart and your are from there after touched and changed. That Epiphany moment. God is REAL! Jesus is REAL! Holy Moly! What have I done with my life…. or something like that. Thus, He reaped where He had not sown.  Wow all of that just to lead up to the point that sometimes thing s can be obscured or even hidden in the scriptures until some great tribulation or you get to a certain age or whatever.
Now, I got that part over with. What in the world does all that have to do with a name? Well, it seems like it is another case of something being hidden and in there all along. You see, even from Genesis 1:1 it spoke of the Messiah, but you WILL not catch that in the English. From  the git go is spoke of Jesus. Wow. The part that upsets me, is that if this simple truth were more well known…. well I think it would add tremendous credibility to the scriptures… why? It becomes prophetic - telling the future.
People can’t make the distinction between LORD and the Lord unless they happened to read that little primer put at the beginning of each Bible. Now here is the issue, what we call the old testament has what we now call Jesus, has Yahushua or Yeshua if pronounced using modern Hebrew as I understand it at.

Now what in the world does a name have to do with perspective? Well, in this case, as I understand it, the name Yahushua or YHWH is Salvation is pronounced Yeshua and could basically mean I AM SALVATION or something like that. There are plenty of arguments about this, so I’ll leave that one alone.
The thing is, that special name Yahushua… was talking about Jesus in the OLD Testament. It was there all along, but got masked with the erasing of the name and replacement with Adonai or as we call it in English, Lord. It hides redemptive truth! It is clear as day that Jesus was talked about from the get go and throughout the Old Testament, but my masking that with Lord….. in some ways the Bible became less clear and consequently subject to attacks by those seeking to prove it as just a series of made up  stories and old superstitions.

So… does this matter when talking to your sweet sweet grandma about sweet Jesus? Probably not, does this matter for witnessing to suspicious minds like mine. It does.  Where to draw the line? I don’t have the answers. Personally I’m just saying Praise Jesus, Yeshua our Messiah at the moment. Seems to communicate on two levels without making people too nervous.

Now that was fun with names, and hopefully my wife will continue to retain my last name (staying on the topic of this site - marriage ya know), but if you want to see something really neato… and this IS the punchline check this out ->

http://www.khouse.org/articles/1996/44/ (33 hits)

If you read slow, scroll to the bottom to get the punch line. Awesome stuff. Halleluyah! Thankyou Yeshua! Praise Jesus!

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So my conscience has been convicting me of a number of things over the last day or so.

1.) Assuming

2.) Throwing Stones at the proverbial adulterous woman. Like I haven’t sinned.
While I wait for her, I guess I’ll keep looking at me. I must remember - she’s not the enemy - she is just being attacked by the enemy.

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Water. H2O. Two parts hydrogen. 1 part Oxygen. Mix together. Spark. You get water. Hydrogen is the first element in the periodic table. It is the stuff that much of the universe is made of scientists tell us. It covers most of our planet. Oxygen… manufactured during lightning storms as O3 and scientists tell us it is made in the cores of stars as well.

The element which we breathe can be combined with the most common element in the universe by a spark to produce an molecule which quenches our thirst.  The process can be reversed as well through something called electrolysis or something like that.
This sparkle reminds me of a cartoon I one watched. One of the cartoon characters was on fire… running around in circles screaming for water. Amazing what we show our children eh? No wonder we’re having a hard time sometimes with our moral compass as a nation.  Relax… Anyway there is another character running around trying to find water. He sees a container and runs up to it. The container is labeled…. the cartoon character spells it out. Water……… P E T R O L…. water. The character then throws the “water” onto the fire circle running character at which point the problem is made worse. I was probably doing some of that a couple months ago as I was in the “desperate” state of mind - pushing her further away  - further hardening her heart.

As I understand it, the process of the heart being hardened starts first with disobedience. I don’t think of God saying do this or else, but rather hey kids… if you run out into the intersection of a crowded stop light, well you might get squished like a bug - spiritually speaking and guess what, you’ll probably blame me for it.  I looked into some of the times when God has both hardened and unhardened hearts. I’ve heard people’s stories…. they say… I’m not really sure what happened. I just woke up one day and found myself deeply back in love with my husband or vice versa. I think the withdrawal may have been what caused it in some cases. You never know what you had… until it is gone.

It talks about this in Song of Solomon as well… the withdrawal. Withdrawal can sometimes produce a change in heart. That’s where I’m at.  I’m a good man dang it. I’m not perfect and yes I’ve lost my temper from time to time, but its not like I’m the person she seems to think that I am either. I know this because I’ve told other folks what all happened in our marriage.
It seems that her heart has been hardened for some time - actually quite early on. I’ve watched her over the years… modern psychologists tell me that the way she is perceiving is actually a symptom of a couple of factors… not having a good relationship with her Daddy, and possibly, being “over controlled” as a child. Consequently, any attempt I might make to form an opinion about something is immediately viewed as trying to control - though that is NEVER where the intentions are at. Can I be overbearing though - yup - I admit to that.  Do I do a crappy job of reading her body language…. looking back… yes.

Did I ever mean to control her? No…  she recently said that I wouldn’t let her have a job. I am the one who wrote her resume. I had given her several ideas about jobs.. in fact she interviewed for a couple and each time I congratulated her. On one occasion, the people interviewing her later called me for some reason and told me that it seemed like she thought she was a “know it all” and perhaps I could pass that along to her for the next time she interviewed.. Others have said this about her. This is my wife though. I guess I didn’t want to hurt her feelings by telling her that is how people were perceiving her.

You don’t support me. Okay, let’s go through that. What does this mean? I had made pumpkin soup one time. I added a little too much bell pepper. The wife had some and the kids had some, but clearly the wife was not impressed. She sat there slowly sipping from the dangerous concoction I had made. Now, I could have twisted this.  I could have said… you don’t like it? You’re not supporting me. Why do you tell me that I’m not a good cook… which she has done that. I guess my personality is… it doesn’t really matter to me. If it sucks… just tell me. I’m okay with it.

Her personality type is very very sensitive to any kind of critique such as the above. Is it because she is a woman? Is it because she was molested as a kid and forgot about it somehow? Had a crappy relationship with Daddy growing up? I turned her into this…or is it just her personality or all of the above? I don’t know honestly. No, she wasn’t molested as far as I know.

I remember her showing me some of her artwork at one point. I looked at it and didn’t really think it was her best work. She had told me that it was. I tried to hold back my opinion on it.. you know… that’s great honey… but eventually it came out of me somehow. Maybe it was the look on my face. Maybe it was that she pressed on? Maybe I volunteered it too much. I don’t know. Whatever it was though, it stunted her aspiring art career. She had resented me for that for years. I had invited her to lunch in October (she was talking to the 3rd party by then). I had something to take care of…so as she waited she drew the office where she sat. It was an awesome.. and I mean awesome drawing. She did this in about 15-20 minutes. I was so impressed that I couldn’t hold back my comments on how good it was. Too late perhaps? I wish I had seen such a fine sample of her artistic abilities those years before. It just wasn’t. It was no better than my Pumpkin soup. I had long since felt that in any sort of intimate relationship… that honesty was fundamental. That doesn’t mean you go around downing the person all the time, but honesty is important. Perhaps my delivery was off. Perhaps my delivery of the honesty was in a manner that I would have been able to receive then. We sometimes tend to think that people think like us and may deliver it in such a way as we would be able to receive it. She needs almost constant reassurance. I don’t. I have no idea why… I just haven’t ever needed that, but she does. Why? Thicken thigh.

So here I am dealing with a person’s heart that is very much hardened and powerless to do anything about it really. I’ve gone down my list of people trying to figure out if there is anyone I know who has some unforgiven sin that I am holding against them. I can’t think of any. This is not to build the self up.. I just can’t think of any enemies I have. Well there is one, and he is attacking my family at present… the great deceiver. That is my real enemy in this. I have to remember that it is not her at present. She is not herself. She has become something that I do not recognize.

Years ago she had told me that if I ever cheated.. she would pack her bags and be gone. Yet now she has committed the same offense and sees nothing wrong with it apparently now. I suspect that through disobedience to Him, her heart has become hardened.

People will say… well it’s okay. God knows that we are sinful creatures and that divorce is going to happen. Is that what He really said though? So as I think about this some more… I recall a verse that popped into my head the other day.

Hosea 6:3 it was…

Hos 6:1  ‘Come, and let us turn back to YHWH For He has torn but He does heal us, He has stricken but He binds us up.
Hos 6:2 ‘After two days He shall revive us, on the third day He shall raise us up, so that we live before Him.
Hos 6:3 ‘So let us know, let us pursue to know YWHH. His going forth is as certain as the morning. And He comes to us like the rain, like the latter rain watering the earth.’
Hos 6:4 “Ephrayim, what would I do with you? Yehuḏah, what would I do with you? For your trustworthiness is like a morning cloud, and like the early dew it goes away.

I’m driving into work the next day and it comes to me…. April showers bring May flowers.

I open my Bible the next day to …. a passage where the big man is saying that He is the one who draws up water from the oceans and makes the rain. Interesting, that  knowledge of the water vapor cycle was written down well really before we had figured out that there was a water vapor cycle. A flashback hits me from when I was a kid… in kindergarten. I remember explaining to one of the other students the water vapor cycle.. though I didn’t have the words to call it that. I’m sure I learned that from PBS or something at one point then. I remember explaining that concept to my youngest Aunt (the one who screamed out Daddy when Poppa Joe died) a bit later as well. The flash ends…  Rain…. I’m praying for rain. I’m praying for Tidal Waves. I want to see the ground give way. In her heart of course.

I find myself reading about the baptism of water and spirit yesterday evening. I think back to how I was baptized as a baby as I am told by my parents. I have a baptism certificate to confirm this fact somewhere as well. I play with the kids some more and drop that line of thought.

Then it hits me again though…  a spurious thought. Out of the blue… Go and check your email …. go and check your email. So I do. I haven’t received any messages in my inbox in several hours… that is odd in and of itself, but there it is. Luke 3:1-14. Talks about John the Baptist. …

I start looking at some of the other messages…  a guy drowned and had no pulse for an hour. Was found floating in the ocean.. and survived… Miracle. Didn’t even have brain damage. Do you think his life is now forever changed?

Another one comes in…  swim-wear is on sale.. Great. Just what I need.. a two piece bathing suit in January.  Am I about to go swimming?
Water Baptism. Fire Baptism.  Interesting. Let’s try to understand this more.
Water Baptism is one of repentance as far as I know…. and I guess fire baptism is one of receiving the Spirit. Repent and believe… receive the Spirit.. a pretty simple formula really. Some like to argue about whether it is with sprinkling or immersion, at infancy or at maturity. Really though… as indicated throughout the scriptures what matters to God does not seem to be those sort of details unless you are a biological Israelite that needs to do a bunch of ceremonies that will only be understood a few thousand years later. What does seem to matter more than the letter of the law is the spirit of the law, that is, the condition of the heart.
Eventually though, me and the kids are asleep. I’m awakened to my daughter… I’m shirshy (thirsty) Daddy. Okay, let’s get you some water…

I wake up this morning… and the Hebrew word of the day is…. beverage.

This gets me to thinking… I may be looking for coincidence here, but it does seem kind of neat. Water is every where in my life this day apparently. The Spirit. Water gives life.

Can the Spirit leave though? Can it be packed down so tightly that the “inner voice” is lost - the moral compass starts circling round and round not unlike Jack Sparrow’s compass on Pirates of the Caribbean? Those spurious and random out of the blue moments of inspiration that we may all receive… do we ignore those sometimes to our own peril? Do we chalk them up to just chance? How do we distinguish our own inner voice from something different? Inspiration. Is it just chance? A neuron had a bit too much caffeine that evening and decided to cause some random thought to appear in your consciousness? Some random thought that then aligns with your prayers and perhaps numerous coincidences…..  Does God roll the dice?
Do we become directionless automatons floating about in the sea of chance? Is that what happens when we disobey? Do we start to think that God is not involved with us personally. He is just hanging out on the beach skipping rocks into the ocean sipping from a nice cold Pacifico… all the while He turned on the ol’ random events engine so that He wouldn’t have to bothered with being involved in our lives?

Four times now our custody hearing has been canceled. As I understand it from others, my wife sees this as just that… chance. Yes she prays at night she says and says she is praying for God’s will, yet if God is on vacation in her life….. what good is He to her? If these things happening are just that - chance… then who is she praying to?

Indeed, what good is He to the rest of us, if these sort of things are just that - chance?  I think He’s trying to tell both of us something and through what happens to us, I think an even larger audience. I think that while I’m in the desert without my wife, I will continue to pray for rain. If He can split a Red Sea and I truly truly believe that, then I can trust that this one is a no brainer for Him. He has a plan. It is tough right now - yes it is, but He didn’t walk the Israelites straight into the promised land either. That generation of unbelievers got to walk around in the desert for 40 years - to cleanse the nation of the unbelief. You’d think after everything they had seen…. that they would believe He had a plan. Others will say, but yes - she has free will. I buy that, but I think when God puts us on a plane He may let us decide to drink beer or orange juice, but that plane is still headed to where He wants it to go - whether we like it or not!
Jesus once blasted Peter for turning into the spirit of Satan.  We can fall at any moment so watch out for being proud in this area eh? Peter hadn’t yet received the Spirit though right? What we call Pentecost (or the Feast of Weeks in the OT) came later and coincidentally right on schedule according to the OT way of doing things. See, Moses wasn’t just making all that stuff up after all.  Is this what has happened to my wife though? Floating about in the sea of unbelief being attacked by the Great White Deceiver? What can I say to her - that will let her know that, yes,  God is really up there and yes He loves you - but you need to listen to him.

I don’t think there is anything that I can say - right now. I’m waiting for the signal though. Waiting. Praying for rain. I’m praying for Tidal Waves. I want to see the ground give way. In her heart, of course. She knows this is wrong. When will her compass point back in the right direction?  Is this going to be her baptism by fire? That is what I’ve been praying for well over a year now.
Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God.
1 Corinthians 6:9-11 (One hit) KJV

What is this saying? I think it may be that if we disobey… our hearts and moral compasses become useless … so much so that we can never experience the joy that comes with growing closer to God. I wish I had my little awakening thing years ago, but at the same time I’m so glad that I’m in the desert. It has been one of the most amazing experiences. I’m actually learning patience. I’m looking even deeper at what is wrong with me. Just to think… three years ago… I thought I was about as “pure” as one could get in my heart. How silly I was - I have much to learn yet.

Perhaps this is the key though…. right now I’m drinking from a fire hose. Learning so much so quickly that I can’t keep up. The thing to realize about ourselves… is not what we know…. but rather… what we don’t know.  I’m glad to be learning in this trial by fire even though it hurts like hell.

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Oh God, please make my wife come back to me! I had said it probably a thousand times. Then something happened inside me and to me that I can’t explain. The best way I can describe it is for you to read the book Contact or go watch the movie. That scene right at the end where Dr. Arroway (Jodie Foster) is prompted to retract her testimony by the National Security Director and replies: “I can’t”.
I’ve seen it happen to other people. They are going along in their life. Something bad happens to them and they pray to God - he doesn’t answer. Then they give up. But, sometimes they place all hope in Him alone. God, please let me with the lottery and I’ll spend the rest of my life working for you. God please let the Mavericks win the play offs next year. God, give me a signs (13 hits) that you are real and if not - to hell with you. God, my wife want a divorce and I’m no longer strong enough or smart enough to make this work. It is up to you. Do what you will with my family, it is in your hands, man (446 hits). I give up.
That is in the marriage world. What about the ol’ medical miracles. We’ve all heard of them. Yeah, I know, what about the guys who didn’t pray and recovered and what about that study that prayed for several patients with no conclusive results on whether prayer is effective. What about all those people who never had their prayers answered. I don’t know, but He has answered mine time and time again, then he goes silent. Sometimes it is for a whole month. Then some flaw in myself is revealed and he comes back. No voices in my head mind you, but just little things that only I know about. Little coincidences that line up all in a row. Kind of like playing golf and making that one perfect shot. You can hack up the green all day, but that one perfect shot keeps you going. Kind of like that scene in the movie Ghost. The scene where Whoopi Goldberg says “ditto” to Demi Moore. Demi Moore instantly recognizes this spiritual BS as no BS, but I doubt any scientist would have been able to prove that personal experience was real beyond Demi’s mind.
Every time it has happened to me, it is as though I’ve gotten in touch with a spiritual side of me that I can only occasionally reach. Other people have described a similar experience. It some kind of “knowing” that everything is going to be okay. A new found confidence - a moment of clarity. I get away from everyone and pray in silence - in my room, alone. He is quiet for weeks at a time. Then He answers - out of the blue. Unmistakable proof of a PERSONAL GOD in my mind, but there is no way for me to explain it. The Prophets would often fast to get that spiritual connection. I just read the scriptures and search the Internet for clues.

Darth Vader once said that the power of the Death Star is nothing compared to the power of the force. I think of spiritual moments like what I have described in a similar way.

Another way to look at is life changing moments. One minute you have a somewhat smooth economy and the next minute the twin towers are falling down. What’s next? World wide bird flu epidemic? Don’t worry - science will save us, after all, a cure for cancer is just around the corner. I wonder though - did cancer exist before we discovered the joys of soft drinks and petrochemicals?
Don’t get me wrong. I like the outputs of science and math. I like a good diet coke too, and though I probably err too much on the side of an arm chair scientist, after everything I’ve learned recently those subjects have started to bore me. If we keep up our good science where will we be in a few thousand years? Instead of blowing up the planet with nukes, I guess it will be death stars with freakin star destroying torpedoes and everyone will be married according to a strict compatibility matrix. Life will be so swell and I bet we still won’t have a clue what happened before moment 0.
Oh brother, I guess I became an instant bible thumper. You know the term. You know people this has happened to and they have always annoyed you. Yet they have something you do not understand. They are like these way too happy goof balls that run around smiling all the time. Instant holy roller. Instant self-righteous bigots. Well I hope not, as I’m not fit to be your judge, but I can at least inform you of what I’ve experienced. I guess I suffer from the same mass delusion that many of the rest of us suffer from. The more I read the word the more treasures I find. What a complex piece of literature and life manual at the same time.

Ray’s prayer has been answered folks and I think we can see when the turn around happened (169 hits). Why did he answer Ray? I don’t know, maybe you can tell me why He answered me.

Our Father. Hallowed be thy NAME.

What was that name again?

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My wife and I were discussing some ways to better raise our children this evening. Through everything I have learned about the man-wife relationship dynamic it seems that I still have some work to do on me eldest daughter otherwise I’m sure I’ll be bailing her out of jail in a few years or a grandpa. As part of this conversation some interesting points were brought up that I thought may help a few of you with understanding (not solving) your spouse’s issues presented in your marriage that may actually be the result of unseen forces from his or her “family of origin”. Ask your counsellor about this phenomenon for more details.

Any hoo it started something like this I was discussing some of the supposed contradictions in scripture pointed out by by various anti-Yahuweh folks that are out there in the mix. In some of Paul’s letters it talks about love being forgiving, never keeping score, that kind of stuff and specifically “IS NOT JEALOUS”. Then time and time again in what we call the old testament, it is stated that our God is a jealous god. Naturally, those not in the know point to this as a contradiction so I needed to investigate this further - as I’ve stated previously, atheists and the like pointing out supposed contradictions have actually helped my studies. I’ve found that wherever there is something in scripture that seems to contradict - either I don’t understand it yet - or there is a translation problem somewhere or the guy who spotted the contradiction lack’s a depth in his understanding. I focused on the first side of this equation - that is - I didn’t understand.
As I thought about this, I considered it in the context of a man’s love for his wife. Think of a man knowing that his wife is cheating on him not unlike Yahuweh’s family was with ol’ Lord Ba’al aka Satan. The spouse asks their spouse to stop just like Yahuweh asked Israel to come back to him and just like ol’ Hosea. Eventually He must have burned with jealousy. Pure raw emotion…. a burning sensation - anger - your whole body tingling on the verge of an explosion. Do you guys know this feeling? I’m certainly not foreign to it as it is what got me into so much trouble in the first place, but it is kind of the same feeling if someone cheats on you and they won’t stop. Burning with rage at times - deeply wounded at others. It may be another way of describing hell which is no doubt what you have been going through by trying to rescue your marriage. Can you see the emotions that our God would have been feeling though? Well that hopefully leads us into another way to think about where your spouse has come from.

You see, in this same conversation with my wife, I was discussing an incident that happened years ago during my childhood. My cousins and I were playing on an old tractor trailer rig meant for hauling cars when about 7 or 8 hornets decided to sting me. I ran crying like a baby all the way to the house My father sees this and waits awhile for mom to console me and stuff and then gives me a severe beating because I went near that tractor trailer rig which he had told me to avoid for the very same reason I was crying. Just kidding about the beating part - I wanted to see if you were paying attention, he did give me a couple of swats on the rear end though.

In any case, this was one of those memories that I never lost. As I told my wife about this she told me another story that my dad had told her from his childhood. My dad and my wife had built up a bit of an ongoing dialogue over the years. This was a story I had actually never heard before.

Picture sometime in the 1960s or so with my dad doing the same thing I did. An farmhouse with 12 brothers lined up talking to their dad. One of those brothers was my grandpa. My dad comes running along after being stung by wasps to seek consolement from my grandpa! Got it - reread that sentence if you still don’t follow. My great-grandfather sees this comotion and gives my grandpa a stern look. At which point, grandpa smacks my dad. My dad is stunned - stops crying and runs off.

My wife tells me that although it was a different time then and my dad seemed to understand the purpose of grandpa’s actions under that culture and era, but you could still see even to this day he was still hurt deep down inside in places he doesn’t talk about at cocktail parties. If someone did this now a days I suppose it would be on the 6 O’clock news, but you have to remember not every culture is based on this Leave it to Beaver culture that many of us hold as the ideal model for parents. I think of the ideal model as farmers working side by side, but either way the point is to try and understand what your spouse may have gone through to better understand their deepest darkest motivations, their emotional upbringing, etc.

This emotional fun was carried forth for three generations before it finally dies off with my seed. Reminds me of something I read in the scripture once, about punishing to the 3rd generation I think for the sins of the first. I never understood that passage, but I think what I have just described may be the key.
Now letR