Okay, so today I went to a parade with the kiddos in my home town. As we were walking about, I ran into a few of my friends here and there. Anyway, my mom was watching the kids for a bit, and I found myself just sort of wandering about aimlessly through the crowd. Just observing the people in action. Practicing being “guided” by the Spirit again. I’ll get back to this part, but first a long explanation is required. Very exciting stuff.

Anyway, I had written a post awhile back, that I had deleted or password protected I think from public view. I had gotten some evil thoughts about taking revenge myself in my head about 6 months ago, and was directed to a passage about…. if you can’t run with men, how do you expect to run with horses.

This was about praying for “judgment” on others, instead Jesus taught us to “bless” our enemies when we pray for them. Well, what was interesting was that up until a few minutes ago, I didn’t figure out this whole sequence of events that has occurred over the last day and how it connected to my evil thoughts about 5-6 months ago.. Horses horses horses everywhere over the last day or so… it emerged as ”theme” in my life sort of like the bizarre numerelogical sequence of 1122 I mentioned in my previous post. I’m still not sure whether it is that I randomly decide to start looking for things, or the pattern is that evident – but in any case I noticed horses all over the place so take it for what it is worth.

As part of the horse theme it reminded me of my evil thoughts about exacting judgment myself about 5-6 months ago, in which I was directed to basically shutup and quit complaining and judgment request denied. As part of this judgment request, I had for about two - three seconds considered contacting an old associate of mine to assist with exacting judgment. Relax, it was about two – three seconds and was a thought that I had to fight off. I wondered… “Is Mike still in prison?”. Tons of people are actually in prison for actually carrying through on those thoughts though. So I was tempted, then got directed to some scripture to quell the temptation directly related to my thoughts. Halleluyah!

Shortly after I was directed to that scripture, another friend of mine calls me up and says “Hey man, Mike is out of prison”. Nice timing. Good thing Jesus stepped in before I was really tempted.  The thing about this friend of mine is that he exhibits many forms of evil, yet in a weird sort of way is incredibly loyal to a fault. Almost like a sort of pinhead from the hell raiser movie series, that is this friend has street smarts and the associated negative connotations; however, is also good in many respects. Aren’t we all an interesting mix of fault and goodness though. His Loyalty is good, but I didn’t want anything ridiculous happening that would land me where he had just gotten out of and besides, I had just had this principle made absolutely clear to me through the scriptures…. no judgment nor praying for it. It comes from the wrong place in the heart.

It seems obvious, but we may find ourselves rationalizing judgment sometimes…. well… what if it would be good for them? There are cases where I can see it. If you hand a crack-head a $20 bill, what did you just do? If that $20 bill helps you to build a relationship with them, then okay, but if you just give it to them and move on…. well that’s probably tossing your pearls to swine. All in moderation I suppose?

Paul only cast one person out to Satan that I’m aware of, and that was Mr. I sleep with my dad’s wife or something like that. There are times that Pastors may do this for someone, and believe me…. it is a very REAL force. I’ve seen it happen time and time again with my mentor. He’s a pseudo – nazarite, that is, sort of like Samson – in that he doesn’t cut his hair, doesn’t drink, etc… look it up in the old testament and it is also referred to in acts, where Paul has to pay for 5 nazarites to have their vow removed by offering bulls.  My mentor, by trying to live his life as “holy” as can be – he seems to be granted certain “power” from above. That is where the power comes from, from what I can tell so far. I’ve see it happen so many times now. He’ll tell a guy… okay, well I hate to break it to you, but the Lord has sort of put this on my heart that this is your last warning …. if you don’t knock it off and straighten out your life… you will be in jail here shortly or possibly prison. If the person ignores the counsel….. then…….. BAM…. lock up. Usually happens, within two-three days. That seems to wake them up after that happens usually.

Anyway, I wasn’t really paying attention, this whole horse theme did remind me of my former evil thoughts of exacting revenge myself on someone, and then being directed to a passage that I can neither exact it myself nor pray for it – especially in regards to my wife.

I was praying last night and was thinking…. dude… it’s like my wife has become my enemy though we are one. I know the principle that you can’t pray against your wife especially since you are one, but I didn’t completely understand that it applies to others as well. Anyway, as I was praying I kept thinking… well she’s not the enemy.. actually it is the enemy, that is, the angel with so many names that is the enemy. The Hebrew word of the day today, was enemy. I show up at the site of the parade and a guy passes me when I hop out of the car with a shirt that says “Love your Enemies”. I’m thinking okay….. now I’ve got enemies and horses chasing me around. Great. I kept thinking about my former associate who had gotten out of prison not so long ago.

What’s an aspiring, but clueless wannabe Jedi master being taught and spanked by Yeshua to do? So I said… to heck with it.. I’m just going to trust that this is real, and not something I’m looking for. So I left my children with my mom… and then sort of “allowed” the Spirit to guide me or whatever. Finally at one point.. there was this sort of mini park area with a couple trees and a nice little hill of grass. …. I felt guided to sit down there and medidate for a bit. I was just sitting there watching the people pass by. All the children. All the families. Vendors hocking theire wares. The smell of funnel cakes, corny dogs, and candle wax. It was peaceful. As I was sitting there, something sort of said to me… get up.. there is a man I want you to meet. I stood up and hesitated for second. A few seconds later… a woman comes up to me…. “Is your name Shohn?”. In a split second ….I’m searching the ol’ brain bank or wherever my conciosness is stored…. tip of the tongue experience denied for this woman… face not recognized. Is she a cousin of so and so? … No clue…. okay does she look harmful… no – she’s at peace. “Yes I am Shohn – how are you!” in a friendly tone.

A few seconds later….. my friend who had been imprisoned shows up… the woman was his wife. He introduces me to his two little girls. He had gotten out of prison and seemed to now be focused on his family. In a weird sort of way, this meeting carried multiple meanings to me. He had been in prison for 4 years. I met him a day later after thinking about horses and how do I expect to run with horses if I can’t run with men.  His wife had left him and returned and I’m so glad I didn’t take justice into my own hands so many months ago or I’d probably be working on a prison ministry by now!

Mystery of the horses and enemies solved. Emphasis on love your enemies… my wife is not the enemy… and both of us may be in prison at the moment, but it is not the end of the world just yet!

Thankyou Yahshua for this whole series of circumstances orchestrated just to perhaps spread your kingdom a bit more and get my wife back one day dang it!

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Okay, so awhile back I had written about this bizarre numerological sequence (114 hits) chasing me around kind of like in that recent movie about building an Ark (115 hits). Anyway, I figured no worries, I’ll figure it out one day – just let it come to me.

Anyway, a potential solution to the problem may have been found. I’m sort of weirded out at the moment, because it seems to fit to a tee what I have been experiencing for well over 6.5 months now. Not sure what to make of this.

I do know that every time, I’ve tried to find a contradiction in the scriptures I’ve managed to find a solution, but this is bigger. I’ve got bigger questions now, more spiritual in nature no longer doctrinal. Part of me is saying that there is a MUCH bigger level of awareness waiting than I could have never possible imagined, and then part of me is screaming … warning warning .. do not go to the forbidden zone you might start yelling like Charleton Heston in the movie “Planet of the Apes” after he discovers the Statue of Liberty in the “forbidden zone” and that we as a collective figured out how to nuke ourselves into oblivion or something.

Arrrrrrrrrrrrrhhhhhh They Blew it Up!

What Kingdom was Jesus always referring to that the Pharisees were preventing people from entering? There are many different theological theories on this. I’ve currently narrowed it down to one of two possibilities not necessarily mutually exclusive – that is , a 1000 year reign of the Son of God (although Physical or Spiritual I’m not sure yet) AND the here and now – that is our very existence now. Something like being able to merge on a quantum level with God, not much different from what Enoch pulled off.

Some interesting things going on in Quantum Physics that suggest that consciousness and the physical universe are in fact, interrelated. Go figure… the great masters have been telling us that for thousands of years already. Science has also suggested that the universe that we live in had a beginning and that energy = matter. Go figure…
Why were the Apostles recorded to have wacky manifestations of miracles and what not, yet the “power” of God seems to now be chalked up to being nothing, but sheer coincidence now a days? I know there are medical miracles. Unexplainable and seemingly random recoveries from things, that defy all odds and what we know. I believe I read somewhere, that in the latter days that He would pour out His Spirit on ALL sons and daughters. Provided that we are actually in the latter days, then…..
I know there is a lot of fake manifestations of the power of God out there. I was left directed to the tail end of Jeremiah 23 the other day. It spoke of false prophets. Hmmm… I couldn’t figure it out. Do I think myself a prophet Shohn boy? No… but weird stuff is going on for sure and I’ve think I’ve been extremely diligent in making sure that I’m not deluding myself – putting controls in place, etc. just to be sure that I’m not hunting for stuff and pysching myself up into something that is a creation of my own mind.

Anyway…. here is a potential solution from a site which calls itself (Crystalinks???) which has me completely weirded out:
Synchronicities bring people to Crystalinks (138 hits) … which takes them on all sorts of journeys into awareness. Many people the numbers 11:11 or derivatives of it the number 1 and seek information about it. This takes them to my file 11:11 (114 hits) as on and on they go reading through interconnected files to understand their journey and that of humanity which is the focus of Crystalinks.

Yup, that was me. What’s up with this 1122 business….

Currently, I am still bound by various religious “doctrine” and what not that I have been taught, so it is natural I guess to still be skeptical, but I do know that as I read that paragraph my whole body seized up, I had muscle spasms all over, and some goose bumps here and there. It freaked me out that other people had similar experiences I guess.
I guess it all goes back to the question i asked mom when I was about three years old. Why are we (the collective) here?

Perhaps this guy depicted in an Australian aborigine cave painting thousands of years old has an answer?

The site listed earlier also mentioned that “Automatic writing is used in Spiritualism and the New Age movement as a form of channeling. One of the best-known automatic writers was Helene Smith, an early 20th century psychic who felt that her automatic writing was the attempt of Martians to communicate with Earth. She claimed she could translate their Martian language into French.” What? Maybe they are the same Martians depicted in the painting above?
Well hopefully, I won’t be attempting to join the intellectual elite from the planet Ogo any time soon in some vain effort to overthrow the subjugated hordes of King Rasha …. orrrr something like that.

One thing is for sure, at this juncture is seems like my lovely wife has recently learned how to speak Klingon. As I understand it, there is no word for “Hello”, in Klingon, instead the normal “hello” used in English is instead replaced with “What do you want?”. Fun stuff!

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Okay, so a few interesting things happened yesterday. I was trying out the ol’ spiritual connection thing in the method demonstrated in Acts, and often by Yeshua.

His technique was something like this -> Hey, I know about that thing that you never told anyone about.

How did you know that?

Well… I’ve got some living waters for you to drink, or hey let me heal you, etc. etc. Obviously, Jesus would have been the Jedi Master at using the force or in this case the Spirit. Well, you ever get that thing sometimes where you try to “use the force”. It’s been awhile since I tried. I remember my best friend in kindergarten once gave me some sweet n low and told me that if I put it in water that I would be able to fly! I tried it. I didn’t know what sweet in low was, but being about as gullible as 2 year old in a 5 year ‘s body, i loaded up a cup of water, dropped the sweet n low in it that was given me, and then proceeded to the trampoline. After several efforts at attempting to fly, I was rather distraught. I returned the defective flying powder to my friend the next day.
I think of all the times it was recorded that Jesus did stuff like that. You there – get up and walk! Okay.

Yes, Yes, those passages were not meant to be taken literally, but were actually figurative in that spiritually the blind man was able to stand up right and walk… .. or was it real?

Being the inquisitive sort, I decided last summer at some point to start investigating whether or not the “spiritual gifts” were alive and well, or was it all one big hoax designed to get mo’ money from innocent grandmothers with way too much money, but not much more sense than my two year …. uh ummm… 5 year old self trying to fly off a trampoline using magic sweet n low water. Or for that matter, trying to save my marriage when all odds are stacked against me! Ha! Anyway, as I set out down this path I would interview people who said they had such gifts. I still had my wolf in sheep’s clothing radar on like crazy. No false prophets are going to fool me, darn it!
Weird stuff has been happening to me a lot lately.. you know .. freakish coincidences and what not aligned with my prayers and stuff.  It started increasing so much so that it happens two to three times a day now. I figured no worries, just keep that to myself so noone hauls me off to the looney bin. But…. as I learned more about and decided to take some action with the hope that I could minister to my wife this way,  I noticed a pattern in the scriptures… signs/wonders/miracles……. eyes opened….. now slap them with the Bible after their eyes are opened. Not before – counter productive, unless it happens to be a Berean – that is – someone who accepts reason / logic more so than other parts of the human experience such as those pesky emotions, gut feeling, etc. That would have been me a few years ago.
Well, I ran a little experiment yesterday. Here is what I learned. This was just one sample out of a population of  one, but it was my second spiritual experiment so to speak. The first was seeing what happens if I sin a little, get off the beaten path for a minute or two – do I get corrected? I found out that yes, I get corrected very quickly. Well, the second experiment was to try and reach out to someone I believed to at least have had some sort of “connection” with. I’m all Anakin Skywalkering this. My mother. Somehow she has always “known” things before they happened with me. I remember I used to be … well that’s not logical.. it was merely a coincidence.

Just for the sake of argument though, what if this life that we live in, is actually some sort of crazy incubator where we are supposed to learn about our more advanced features that my mom would so often display at inopportune times? I know this has happened to you as well. You’re sitting there thinking about someone. You haven’t thought about them in awhile… and then… they call you out of the blue. Know what I mean?

If it can be demonstrated that those more advanced features do exist, then presumably we could work at them and become better or in biblical parlance – become filled with more Spirit.

So… I set it up. I decided not to think. Emptied the brain of thoughts. Let it flow! Use the force! Driving down the road… all of a sudden I picture a pizza, then wonder what my mom had for lunch TODAY, then I see my mom eating a salad… it was sort of a hazy image, but a salad none the less… now mind you… I’m not seeing freakin dragons or something while I’m driving, but more like a mental image that was similar to trying to identify the color of something out of your peripheral vision. Ever tried that? It’s a fun game to play when you get bored! Stupid mind tricks, ha! Anyway, so I’m working with this fuzzy salad and then ran out of mental “quiet” steam… my thoughts started racing as usual and I got really excited. As part of the Internet generation I guess, it is very hard for me to slow my thoughts in general, but I managed to do it for a few seconds enough to get a picture of a salad, mom, and lunch into my brain cells or wherever my consciousness is stored.
I called Mom. Mom…. what are you doing? Nothing…. getting ready to leave… really? Yeah, I need to go to the store to pick up some stuff for a salad that I’m making tomorrow for a lunch n learn. It is my turn to make the lunch and I decided to do a frito salad. Tingles and shivers went up and down my spine. Mom? Yeah. What did you have for lunch today? Tuna. Oh, well – at least the salad thing was directly connected, but I missed the day,  – it was what she is doing tomorrow or planning today. Not sure what the pizza was about. Mission accomplished – connected with Mom’s thoughts over a distance of about 200 miles. Not bad for a first experiment.

Mom has long since maintained that stuff like that is real, and even went on to say that she thinks there are receivers and transmitters in this space as she likes to call them.  That is, this probably wouldn’t work for someone who had a similar “spiritual” charge as myself or something like that. I guess mom was a good first try.
Anyway, so getting all excited – I naturally started calling people I know just like a kid who had figured out that  green paper and metal circles allows one to obtain candy.
Saw a picture of some pigeons when thinking of Dad…

Dad? Yes son? Are there pigeons where you work? Yes… why? Oh nothing, just had a bug up my sleeve. Okay son, well I’m really praying now! Felt like I missed it. Of course, there are pigeons where he works… it’s a hospital. I just made that up as I was going along. Crazy annoying inability to empty my head to receive thoughts that Dad is thinking.
James (good friend of mine) – left a voice mail calling him Tennis Boy… not sure why… but saw something related to tennis when I thought of him.

Okay, well score 1 with mom, down two points with Dad and James. They’ll be calling the looney bin any minute now.

Anyway, so I took the kids to the pool later that evening. I was sitting there watching them swim and I turned and looked and saw a boat load of tennis balls on the tennis court adjoining the pool. Thought… whatever… I just made myself look like an idiot in front of Dad with that pigeon question.

I turned my attention away from the tennis balls and looked at the kids again. I looked up, and then two pigeons approached and flew directly over where I was standing into a tree across the way.

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There are times during the birth of your destiny that you feel as though you would like to give up hope, but God will not let you. It feels as though you are held captive by hope.

“Return to your fortress, O prisoners of hope…” Zechariah 9:12

There are times during the development of your dream when your hope seems to have turned into a prison. You cannot make your dreams come true, and you find it impossible to stop believing in them. You cannot go forward any faster than God will let you, and you cannot return to where you once were before you became pregnant with the promise from God. God will not let you give up! During this time you might feel like saying, “Okay, God, this is enough! I don’t want to hope anymore! I am tired of being pregnant with this promise! I want out of this prison of hope!”

It is during this time that your dreams feel so real to you, yet to others they are not. The conflict between what you feel in the Spirit and what is evident in the natural grates at your soul. You feel much like you are on a Ferris wheel. You have your up times when you can see your dream’s fulfillment far into the future, but you also have your down time when you cannot see anything. You think to yourself, “Am I crazy to think that God could use me?” The enemy comes in like a flood and you begin to doubt, causing anguish to your soul. This is the time when God is doing His greatest work in you.

It is Because He Loves You

You feel as though you are ready for your destiny, but once again God directs you back to the refinery for more tweaking. Oh how weary you are of the awful refinery and that seemingly endless tweaking. “Okay, God, You can stop now,” you scream. But He does not stop. You are caught in a prison of hope and He will not let you out until He is finished with what He began in you.

It is like a child who has a sliver. They do not like the pain the sliver causes them, but they hate the misery of having that sliver taken out. Getting the sliver out is important, but they do not necessarily understand that. Even if they did, it is hard to keep still while it is being pulled out. Well, we all have spiritual slivers that we need God to take out, and sometimes it really hurts, especially when the sliver is way down deep in your heart.

This is when the refining process REALLY hurts, because He is getting down to the very core of your soul, to the deep regions of your heart. He is developing things in you that you did not even know that you lacked; things you did not even know that you needed. You think, “Okay, God, this is deep enough.” But every builder knows you must dig down deep to lay a proper foundation first, before you start to build upward. And the greater the height of the structure, the deeper the foundation must be.

It is because God loves us that He will not allow us to enter our destiny until our foundation is secure. If He has held you back and you feel like a prisoner, He has done it out of love for you. He does not want to see all that He has worked to build in you crumble, because He did not take the time to develop a sure foundation. He loves you that much!

Even though it hurts you, He needs to hold you in the prison cell of hope until it is safe for you to come out. Even though you are sick and tired of hoping, of believing, of waiting; He will still make you hope, believe and wait even longer. And this can be the hardest thing He has asked you to do yet. But when you feel like giving up, but continue to carry on, you begin to sense a strength rising in you that you did not know you possessed. And really you did not possess it previously, because it was your reward for enduring this painful process. It is a gift from God that the enemy cannot take away from you, because you have earned it.

Held Captive by Hope

In the word of God we can find many people who have been held captive by hope. For examples, there are Moses, Joseph, and Abraham. But I think my favorite is David. It is his honesty in the face of misery that attracts me to him.

God had promised David the Kingdom of Israel, and Samuel had anointed him for it (1 Samuel 16:13). But after he had been anointed as king of all Israel he had to go back to tending the sheep. It was many years before the promise ever came to pass for David, and he spent many of those years being chased by the man whose throne he would inherit. I am sure he never dreamed, back in the pasture on his father’s farm, that he would have to hide out in caves or that he would pretend to be a crazy man in order to save his life. After all, God said he was going to be a king. A king does not have to do things like that does he?

In Psalm 119:82, David cries out to God in song and says, “My eyes fail, looking for Your promise.” I can relate to that. It feels sometimes as though the promise will never be fulfilled. But in fact, it was fulfilled for David and it will be for you too, if you do not give up.

Hopeless, No. Helpless, Yes!

Do you feel sometimes as though you are hopeless? Well, you are not without hope; you are not hopeless, but helpless. God has put you in a position of helplessness or complete dependency on Him and you are helpless to help yourself. You struggle to gain back some measure of control over your life. But your pride (that you did not even know that you had) is being crushed, and the only thing for you to do is to surrender. You may feel hopeless, but really it is the condition of helplessness that is causing you pain. God wants you completely dependent on Him, and He will keep you a prisoner of hope until you are.

Return to Your Fortress

Your fortress is trusting in a loving God. Trusting Him in spite of all the reasoning of your mind; in spite of the circumstances that surround you. You were content to give God control of your life until He decided to do something with your life you did not like. You were happy to surrender all to Him, until He decided to give your promotion to someone else. You believe in His sovereignty, until His sovereign will conflicts with your will. Then you are sure He has made a mistake. You want to run from Him, but He is your refuge.

How do you run from your refuge? How do you run from the only One who really loves you or understands you? The answer is…you don’t. So, return, my friend, to your fortress and remain a prisoner until He is done with you; until He decides you are ready for all that He has for you.

What now feels like a prison cell to you, God sees as a fortress. And of course He is right. He loves you and if you give Him control of your life He will guard it for you. Perhaps what feels to you like a prison cell, may really be your place of safety and protection. David did not like being in a cave, but it saved him from King Saul. You may not like the circumstances you are in now, but do not run from it. It may be what is saving your life!

Double for Your Trouble

The second half of Zechariah 9:12 gives us the answer we are looking for. Why are we going through what we are going through? It says, “Return to your fortress, O prisoners of hope; even now I announce that I will restore twice as much to you.”

God says, “Even now I announce to you that not only will I restore to you all that has been taken from you, but I will give you double for all the trouble you have endured.” He says, “Don’t stop now…keep trusting Me, because I can see your future and it is very blessed. Keep walking with Me and keep trusting in Me and I will give you rest.”

“Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28). When we have learned to “rest” in God in the midst of our storm, God is mightily blessed. Because it proves to Him that we trust in His goodness no matter what our circumstances are.

It pleases Him very much when we trust in Him, and when He is pleased He will burst forth blessings from Heaven. He just cannot help Himself, He loves to bless those who trust in His goodness.

He, as He did for Israel in Zechariah 9:12, will stand up and announce to all that He is proud of you and intends to restore double to you for your continued trust in Him through all you have endured. And this is the beginning of your dreams coming true. Enjoy it, friend, because you have waded through the river of adversity and your heavenly Father is proud of you.

Return to your fortress, O prisoners of hope…

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I put my heart and tears onto a piece of paper today. Found my fire pit and a purple lighter so I could pray. Started a fire perhaps a funeral pyre for my family.
I wrote it down that this problem is too big for me. I said I’m scared now because I feel my heart getting cold and I don’t want it be. I start the fire and place my fear and doubt into the heat. The wind picks up and the fire grows while I look at my feet. I see my toenails and watch the smoke rise. Tears run down as ask Him if He hears my cries. I play a song that make me think and I get more sad. I feel my heart release as the smoke goes up. I throw a tear in the flame and listen to the sizzling sound.

She calls a few minutes later and asks what’s wrong. I want to say what do you think is wrong or something else mean. She talks about the kids and when we should meet. She says  bye in a tender voice. I don’t want to talk to her nor do I care. I then think to myself well He answered my prayer.

Oh.. why… does it have to be this way? Life’s ups and downs can sure be fun. I’m looking back on today from 18 months now. I wonder how I ever made it through days like these. I read my words and can no longer understand what I felt today.

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You came to me to get your things from the house. I spent a few minutes before you arrived getting things ready for your sight. We sit and talk alone at last for the first time in awhile. I look at you and want to show you what’s in my heart. The words come out but they’re just not right and you think we’re about to fight.

You tell me that you’re not coming back. I said wait and see and never say never to me. You said you didn’t say never you said not which is not saying a lot. No not withstanding nothing is not better than never I say to me. You look at me and say you’re not happy with the way things were or could be. In my defense, I saw it  all slipping right through my hand. Tried to fight for us but I couldn’t ever get you to understand. I wrote my heart down on a letter and gave it to you. You cried and said how will I know things won’t be back the way they were. I cried and said things can’t be the way they were. You say now.. we weren’t meant to be. I look at you and say how did we get here and why did you marry me?

I look around and see the sun and I smile. You say you have to go.
I pray to God to take this fault and make it be. I get scared because I feel my heart growing cold to you. You look at our son and it reminds you of me. You come around and say you were wrong and I fall down.
I look at you and want to give you a chance. I fear the same abandon game and I say no. I cry out to God for the love to grow and He says not now. He plants a seed and looks at me and I see how. Oh I want us to be, but now I’ve fallen down. God come to me and I’ll tell them why. He looks at me and I start to cry. Oh why does it have to be this way? Why can’t we just all be happy like me? No not withstanding nothing is free.

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Yeah, I had pretty much given up. Told Yeshua – I guess it is over with, but I’ll keep praying buddy.

Well, guess what…. this guy calls me today. Said he went out of his way to track me down for his mailing list. Cool, I thought. Apparently, since I moved his newsletters started bouncing. Ordinarily, he said it would just be an ignore and move on. He called me though, which he said was unusual.

Anyway, we got to talking and he told me how he went through 4 years of HELL in his marriage. Said his wife wouldn’t even sleep with him for about 2 years. Wow. 2 years of couching it.

He got into trouble because his wife would say that family is more important and he would say that God was more important. Classic spousal jealousy of God.
I have concluded that I had actually made my wife an idol of my heart before my God. Sorry about that Yeshua.

Anyway, little things like that happen that just catch me off guard. I’m new to all this stuff. That is, the part where God just moves…. out of the blue and has some stranger say something to you that hits you right in the heart or right between the eyes with a 2X4. That is what happened today. I was laughing out loud when the call was over. I told God – you are Sooooooo funnnnnny!  The construction worker watching me was probably a little weirded out. Hah!
I’m serious. I was so close to just saying the heck with it. What are the odds? Play Texas lottery instead.
Anyway, also the other day I got pulled over for speeding, couldn’t find my insurance card, my registration was out, my inspection was expired, and I failed to signal. I might as well have had a giant sign on my car saying — PLEASE PLEASE PULL ME OVER AND GIVE ME A TICKET! PLEASE PLEASE! I WANT A TICKET SO BAD!
I prayed and prayed while the trooper went to his car. I received a warning. Maybe a warning of a different sort too from above.

Thank-you Jesus!

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So I guess I got another something or another put on my heart while I was in a deep state of prayer. It said “Your house will be rebuilt”. Not sure what to make of it. I asked for confirmation and something popped into my head. Page 727. I was at my grandma and grandpa’s though and didn’t have my Bible.

When I got home I was astounded as I opened me Bible. It was talking about enemies that were opposing the rebuilding of the temple in Ezra somewhere. Rebuilding the temple was the title of the page. Wow.
The question I posed was whether or not I was deluding myself with these things being put on my heart and whether she was ever coming home. I had asked if my wife was coming home. Started praying the names of God for her to come home yesterday morning as confirmation of my hopefully non-delusional state.
El Shadai – God Almighty – maker of the heaven and earth. I asked for her to come home. She did. She stopped by the house yesterday unexpectedly. Not quite what I was hoping for, but prayer answered none the less.

What was weird is that my mentor in Yeshua had mentioned this same concept… rebuilding / revival from the dead later that evening – unprompted by myself and without revealing the following details.

A bird almost died at my grandma’s. It had knocked itself out as it tried to get out of the garage. My grandpa said “Well, the bird knocked itself out, but it will revive”. It struck a nerve within me. The evening before I had been talking about rejecting my wife for awhile to induce that emotional wanting in her. The next morning my kids watched as a lamb was being born.   The mother of the lamb rejected the new lamb at first. Seemed to be sort of an interesting parallel coincidence to my conversation with my grandma. My grandma told me another story about a couple that had split – the wife had realized the mistake after the divorce. He wouldn’t take her back though – said something like “I don’t want you spending all my money again”. They are good friends and get together for fun in the sack still, but no longer live together. She keeps saying “marry me again”. He says “no”. Fun.
After the lamb was born, I sent the wife a text message – “the kids watched a lamb being born”. She wrote back “That’s awesome!”. Awesome? That word is not part of her normal vocabulary. Interesting. She was pleasant on the phone.  Seems like the anger is evaporating slowly but surely.
Talked to one of my aunts. She suggested that we both start praying for the wife’s heart to be opened to God’s knock. Her primary responsiblity should be to be a wife and mother my aunt says. For some reason, the wife is not wanting that responsiblity at this time. My aunt says that He is knocking at her heart each time one of the kids gets upset, but it doesn’t seem that she is opening the door or that her eyes are opened. We are praying for the door in her heart to be opened more to Him.  She mentioned that I should write the problem down on paper. Put it into a coffee can and then toss in a match or two and watch the smoke rise to the heavens. It has some sort of “release” effect in us I am told. Allowing God to take over. I may try this technique this evening.
Your house will be rebuilt. Is that referring to my temple or to my family? Perhaps both. Which house?
Also, had a really nice revelation the other day. Chills went up my back. Whole body tingled for hours. Seems like everyone is always looking for the beast in Revelation. Is it Saddam Hussein? Is it Hitler? Is it some other diabolical character yet to emerge? Some argue that it is the Eurpoean Union. Who is the beast?

The number of the beast is 666 – the number of man. Look at the Greek behind it. The man sets himself up in the temple of the most High God and blaspemes. The temple of God is within us. He tabernacles within us. Our bodies are His temple. Know what a tabernacle is? God dwelling with us. Used to be a tent / temporary shelter in the old testament – then it became man. Who is the beast?

The beast is me. When I set myself up as my own god and actually think that I am in control of my life I in effect blaspheme the most High God! Got chills yet? A bit counter intuitive to say the least.

Perhaps that is the house that needs to be rebuilt first, before my home can be rebuilt.

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