Well, when I started this site I figured if it could help at least one person rescue their marriage then it was worth it. I know of so many more that it has helped that I feel the purpose was fulfilled. My marriage is now swirling down the toilet. Again, that does not mean it is over as I still maintain that Jesus does His best work under impossible situations.
Over the last week, I have been responding to interrogatories from my wife’s divorce petition. Fun stuff. How much money do you make it asks? How much money? Oh, and by the way – how much money do you make again?

Have you had sex with persons outside of your marriage during your marriage?

Have you ever beaten the tar out of your wife and children with a palm frond?

How about head butting your children in the nose? Have you ever head butted your children or put them in a half nelson over the course of the marriage? If you have, we’d like to know about any such half-nelons.

Do you think your wife has ever intentionally put you into a half-nelson? What about a full nelson? Has she ever given you a Nile Ruby or Indian Rope Burn? What about you? Have you ever been put into a human knot by your wife? Has she ever severly beaten you?

Trying to keep this with a light heart I guess. If I can’t laugh and still be joyful I’ve lost everything and I won’t let anyone take that away darn it!

Carrying my cross. Jesus seems to suggest in my heart that this is my cross to carry. Forunately or unfortunately, I haven’t shed my blood for Him yet so that certainly puts things into perspective.

Anyway, looks like she is gearing up for battle. I have asked to meet on several occassions to work this out peacefully, but she has thus far agreed to do so, but no action behind it.
I asked her to go roller skating or ice skating with me this weekend. She said she doesn’t like ice skating, but would consider roller skating. I figure I have about a .0000001% chance of her saying yes. If she says no, I will probably ask again in about a month or two. The goal is just to have fun really. Can you have fun with someone who is filing divorce against you? Call me crazy, but I could!
Anyway, I had gotten off the path or walk for a bit. Nothing reallly bad, but just sort of waivered a bit. Doubt and what not started creeping in. I had to found out whether I would have problems getting dates and discovered that I have absolutely NO problem getting dates. Sort of a confidence booster I guess, but probably not the way He would have done it so I had to ask for forgiveness and knock it off. I guess this is a public confession.
Also, some other cool stuff spiritually is still happening. It happens so much now that I’ve started to lose interest in writing down the cool stuff. No golden dust or whatever like some say in the “prophetic” movement which I’m still not sure if that is a big hoax or not, but some cool coincidences and stuff still related very much to my prayers and scripture reading.

This morning I was reading about a battle between David and the Arameans. This was ummm… directed / guided to by a place in my heart. The first license plate I saw this morning spelled out ARAMAAN about 10 minutes after I had concluded by morning reading. Pretty weird and sweet I thought.

Well, if we don’t get to go on a date I guess we will be shortly going to battle for a bit. I’ve offered two olive branches to work it out peacefully. I will offer one more. I hope it doesn’t come to battle.

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Yesterday I had spoken with my mother about a number of things, again, trying to better understand women and to see things from her point of view when she wanted a divorce from my dad. As I ended the conversation my mother had given me some additional tips for my wife and then we came to the subject of praying for this situation. We both agreed that the best thing to do was to pray for guidance. So I asked her to pray for guidance for me.

I had also solicited advice and confided in one of my uncles.

I have been tempted to investigate online dating and what not. Later on that night I went to visit with a friend who was divorced some 7 years ago to get more perspective. I wanted to understand what it is like after divorce – does anything change – is it better? I got the distinct feeling that it really doesn’t. My thoughts started to drift a bit during the conversation…Americans – We go to work, we take care of our kids, and we do various activities to fill our lives with stuff and fun things to do. We are so blessed and often don’t even realize it. I wonder, would Abraham have been an avid golfer, or was he too busy trying to keep his flocks from running around and getting eaten by lions, wolves, tigers, and bears? Did he take his wife out on weekly dates? Did he, perhaps, buy her one rose for each year he had known her each year on Valentine’s day? That would have been a lot of roses by the time he had Isaac! Yes all of this is easy for me to say, because God seems to have take good care of my family financially so far. Perhaps, it would be different if I was a farmer by trade. Perhaps it would be different if I lived on some mole hill in Africa and had to worry about Muslims chopping my hands off for being Christian… my head gets back into the conversation…
I came in around 9:30 and called my wife to speak to the children since they are with her this weekend. She said they were already asleep – she sounded very tired as well. She mentioned they were going to church tomorrow. As I hung up, I once again thought that perhaps something there will touch her heart. Bring my wife back can you I prayed. As I lay in bed, I prayed for the minister or the priest to have a special message regarding divorce or something that could touch her. Prayed for another miracle… then I stopped and instead once again I prayed for guidance.

As I started praying for guidance, in my heart I was suddenly overcome with strong feelings of being scolded. Questions arose in my mind as I was thinking this over to myself… What are you doing? When are you going to trust Me? Have I not shown you many wonderful “coincidences” this year already? Yeah, no voices from heaven or angels sitting on the foot of my bed, but I did feel an overwhelming feeling of being scolded as I was thinking to myself. Yet, so many choices present themselves – which path to take? You have received wise counsel from your uncle – trust that advice. Like the little boy on Charlie in the Chocolate Factory, you have been given a golden ticket. Golden tickets are answered prayers. I then pray..thanks for what I have been given, and thanks for this trial and period of testing. After all, I could have been born in some cave in Korea and never have gotten to see the wonderful beaches in Sydney! I could have never even had the time that I have had with my wife so far on this earth. So many things to be thankful for. I prayed for guidance once more and then dozed off for a bit. My mother and I had been talking about praying for guidance several times that day.
As I drifted off into subconscious melodies – half asleep half awake, I felt once again drawn to open the ol’ Life Application Study Bible to a specific page. Page 984 it was……. this was a new one I had never read.. thankfully, I was not annoyed this time, I went and cracked open the good book. Let’s see what is on this page….

Pro 2:2 So that you make your ear attend to wisdom, Incline your heart to understanding;
Pro 2:3 For if you cry for discernment, Lift up your voice for understanding,
Pro 2:4 If you seek her as silver, And search for her as hidden treasures,
Pro 2:5 Then you would understand the fear of יהוה, And find the knowledge of Elohim.
Pro 2:6 For יהוה gives wisdom; Out of His mouth come knowledge and understanding.
Pro 2:7 And He treasures up stability for the straight, A shield to those walking blamelessly,
Pro 2:8 To watch over the paths of right-ruling, And the way of His kind ones He guards.
Pro 2:9 Then you would understand righteousness And right-ruling, and straightness – Every good path.
Pro 2:10 For wisdom would enter your heart, And knowledge be pleasant to your being,
Pro 2:11 Discretion would guard you; Understanding would watch over you,
Pro 2:12 To deliver you from the evil way, From the man who speaks perversities,
Pro 2:13 Those who leave the paths of straightness To walk in the ways of darkness;
Pro 2:14 Who rejoice to do evil; They delight in the perversities of evil;
Pro 2:15 Whose paths are crooked, And they are perverted in their ways;
Pro 2:16 To deliver you from the strange woman, From the foreigner who flatters with her words,
Pro 2:17 Who forsakes the companion of her youth, And has forgotten the covenant of her Elohim.
Pro 2:18 For her house has sunk down to death, And her paths to the dead;
Pro 2:19 None going in to her does return, Nor do they reach the paths of life –
Pro 2:20 So walk in the way of goodness, And guard the paths of righteousness.
Pro 2:21 For the straight shall dwell in the earth, And the perfect be left in it;
Pro 2:22 But the wrong shall be cut off from the earth, And the treacherous ones plucked out of it.

The page moves into Chapter 3… the point of ch 3 seems to be trust in God – not your own wisdom. Interesting that I had felt scolded for not trusting Him before reading this.
This translation comes from e-sword. My study Bible says verse (16)  Wisdom will save you from the flattery of the immoral woman, from the flattery of the adulterous woman. (17) She has abandoned her husband and ignores the covenant she made before God.

Who is the her in verse 4? Is it the spirit, guidance, my wife, or all of the above? Who is the strange woman in verse 16? I could take it as my wife, but that wasn’t the context of my prayer. And she may be strange sometimes, but I don’t think that is what was meant by the verse. Shall I seek after my wife like silver? Will I trust my God?
She has given me a rain check on taking her out for coffee as of Friday, but the rest of the weekend she seemed very angry. Guidance… I pray for more guidance.

Our Father, great respect and love I give to your reputation, honor, and glory! May we come out of this through your guidance and demonstrate your glory to all! Hear my prayer O’ God. Thanks for feeding me today. I realize not everyone gets to eat whenever they want. Forgive me for the things that I have done and have failed to do especially in my marriage. May your Kingdom come and your will be done…. Lead not myself nor my wife into temptation…watch over my wife’s heart please and keep evil away from her and myself. Deliver us from this whirlwind of uncertainty and confusion. Can you join me in this prayer?

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Well, I haven’t really spoken to her about anything significant in two or days now – just dropping off the kids at this time etc.

About a year ago I had something amazing happen to me. It all started with a dream that I had prayed for my wife to have. She never had dreams, but did that time in my most desperate hour. It was a turning point in my life. All of a sudden, my entire perspective changed. I had received in my mind, an undeniable answer to a prayer.

Years ago, we had dated in high-school, but she went off the deep end and abandoned her family and went wild for awhile. I had uttered a prayer and written it down in July of 1995, that I would have preferred for her to be my wife and to bring her back one day. She came back about 7 years later.

Around 1997 I had a dream that she was driving a red Mazda Miata and had wrecked it into a telephone pole. I later found out that she actually test drove a red Mazda Miata at about the same time I had that dream. I know this because I have journalled my dreams and thoughts for years. I have journalled this entire experience and though it has been one painful experience I have considered a gift from above – a tribulation that will only make me stronger and can be used to help countless others.

In her dream – (the 3 hour miracle – do a search) last year, she had lost of all of her children. Recently the divorce proceedings had been initiated by myself because I had received information that she was filing, was seeing the person she had an affair with, was screaming at the kids, had plans to hurt me as bad as she could, and just in general seemed to be behaving irrationally. There were a number of things that have happened behind the scenes from her doing that defy logic and rational thought. I have communicated to her the entire time that I do NOT want a divorce, but have been backed into a corner – we can still figure out a way to reconcile. Her response has been it is too late now and on and on, but that was the same thing she told me when she moved out. She has told all of her friends that she is getting a divorce no matter what happens. I figured the only shot we had then was to let her go.
I’m sure much of this was my fault and much of it was hers. At the end of the day though, it doesn’t matter whose fault it was to stop it and look towards the future instead. I think of it like this. Her calling a lawyer and telling me she wanted a divorce was like putting us at Defcon 3 – preparing for Nucleur war on our family. I waited until I saw the missile doors open and smoke plumes from the missile silos. Her missiles had a malfunction (her lawyer cancelled), I called her and asked her if we could figure out how to reconcile that I didn’t want to do what I was about to do – she said she had to go. I walked into to talk to a divorce attorney for the first time in my life. The papers and a restraining order to keep her from removing the children from the home or their school was filed by 5 O’clock.

I had read in my Bible the day before something about being delivered by noon. You know, a little Bible roulette. From the time I went to the divorce attorney and then got back to my desk – I turned and looked at my desk clock. It said 12:00 right on the dot. Weird.

Her lawyer filed a motion to reconsider on the restraining order. Her lawyer got sick and collapsed about 15 minutes before that hearing. At the next hearing, the judge cancelled. His dockett was full for weeks and he cancelled on the day of our temporary custody hearing.

The ironic part is that all of this stuff happening is in direct alignment with the dream she had last year. Now I don’t know the purpose. It may be that I just get the kids for a little while longer. Who knows, but I just find it hard to believe it coming out this way so far and it just being a coincidence.

There was a another dream though…

My son had a dream a couple days ago. He’s 2.5 years old. He says to me. Daddy – I saw you at McDonald’s. Hmmmmm… okay. I guess he wants to tell me about a dream that he had. I asked him if my wife was there and and he no, but my daughter was there. Then he went on to describe what was apparently another part of the dream. He told me that he saw my wife and me and the two eldest children at a tree. He said _____ got bit by a big snake. He said there was a big black bull there and my wife and I and the eldest child were getting sticks from the tree and hitting the bull. He said “daddy pick me up” while he was in the tree. He also said the tree was small.
Sticks were often used to describe the relationship between two major divisions in God’s kingdom – you know Israel and Judah. Somewhere in Ezekiel it talks about join ing two sticks together – that this will occur in the end times. Many believe we are currently living in those times. Read all about Ephraim and some recent theological theories in this space and you’ll know what I’m talking about. The same story is in the story of the prodigal son. One brother out there being wild and the other doing everything he can to do exactly as his father commands, but missing the key points sometimes. It is a story not only about a son, but about nations – Israel and some say Ephraim (Christians – the Church, etc.). The whole Bible is a story about God tearing down before He can forgive, and then rebuild. I have prayed for almost a year for her to feel the way I feel about God. All is well with my soul – I hope the same will occur for her through this process whether we get back together or not.

Though I don’t claim to understand dream interpretation or always subscribe to them having meaning, I at least thought that it was an interesting dream. The parts I find interesting are that, scripturally, the snake and the bull were always symbols of what we now commonly refer to as the devil and as far as I know – my 2.5 year old son has not studied the Bible lately and wouldn’t be familiar with the symbols involved. Also, many claim that trees are representative of either the family or children when in dreams. Of course, there is little actual science behind this, but interesting none the less.

Many places in the Bible it talks about fools following or even giving creedence to dreams, but I guess when I see certain symbology and “coincidences” occuring it makes me wonder.  My earthly father has prayed for the first time in years. There are parts of my family that are being forced to talk to each other that haven’t talked in years. Nothing like a great calamity to bring everyone together. I don’t yet understand the purpose in all of this, but I feel like I need to tell the story still so that others may benefit. This blog has been my story of being torn down and rebuilt. Perhaps it is her turn – only God knows why and I thank Him for this most painful, but wonderful journey. I ask that you continue to pray for both her, my mother in law, and my children, and if you are feeling really froggy – maybe even me.

My father was a wandering Aramean. This is my story. This blog is about how I came to Jesus, the big man incarnate. This is what has happened to me and I share it with you for the benefit of others. Perhaps I’ll make a movie about it one day.

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Our heavenly Father, I lift to you Shohn & his wife and their marriage. You are the creator of marriage, and it is just an image of your love for us. But it is a wonderful way for us to share Your world, and to enjoy the company of a special mate. Please guide Shohn and his wife through this tough time. I ask for Your power in their lives to protect them from any deception or misunderstanding that may arise. Please allow them to see into each others’ hearts. To see the Love you have granted to them. Provide each of them with your Perfect Wisdom – that they may understand how Love works. Please, God, show them Your way in life, that they may again see and feel that first love. As you have given me, provide Shohn with the promise that, regardless of what happens, You DO have his heart and life in your Holy embrace. This is the time when our faith may be weak, but I know you do not give up. Keep Shohn “going” now, as he is seeing his marriage fraying. Allow him a vision of a great future, together again with his wife and family. I ask that you give us your understanding in this through the Name of your Son, Jesus Christ. Amen.

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Apparently, it is a good idea to write a top 10 article to get people to come to your site as I learned from the Top 10 Reasons to write a Top 10 article (16 hits). Since the objective of this site is to save marriages, part of that objective would include getting more people who are thinking about getting a divorce or how to save their marriage to come here. So here is my initial draft at the Top 10 Ways to Stay Married. I’d be delighted to hear others! I’m sure I can do lots of combos on this – Top 10 Reasons to Stay Married, Top 11 ways to get divorced, Top 10 Romantic Ideas, etc. Top 10 Cheesy Ways to Run your Spouse Off when they are thinking about divorcing you, etc. Anyway, here goes.

Shohn’s Top 10 Ways to Stay Married If Your Spouse Wants a Divorce

1. Make a top 10 list of everything annoying or that angers your spouse and stop doing it today.

This one should be a no-brainer, but hey, it was easy, and really is the first thing you should do to avoid divorce.

2. Stop Expecting Hugs and Kisses and anything intimate for awhile.

Yup, you might as well get used to no fun in the sack, no intimacy, and in many cases utter disdain for you as a person. Did you expect horizontal polkas on your first date? Well you can’t now either. You are pretty much in first date mode – anything else will pretty much get you divorced.
3. Get Control of Those Panic Emotions!

Yes panic can and will set in, particularly, if you actually believe in marriage, soul mates, etc. and aren’t just trying to save your marriage because you are scared. That sad part is that panic and crying makes everything worse and causes your spouse to go bye bye. Nature trips, powerful mental images (e.g., your spouse with another person), etc. can help you get those pesky panic attacks in check.

4. Learn Your Spouse’s Love Language and Start Making Them Feel Loved!

Somewhere deep down inside, your spouse still has some feeling for you, but right now it is somewhere out there in the Oort cloud (227 hits). You can bring it back, but I guarantee you better be consistent, and pace yourself otherwise they’ll know this is all the last ditch effort that they are convinced it is! What is the ol’ love language you say? Your spouse has probably repeatedly asked you for the same things over and over and you never took it seriously. For some it may be sex (that’s most of us men) and for others it could be helping out with the kids. That’s right, helping your wife with the kids can actually enable her feelings in some cases. That said, that probably has nothing to do with your sex appeal if you are a guy, as I understand it, that is driven by other forces. Well let’s get to the next item to find out!

5. Confidence, not Arrogance baby.

Confident people are fun to be around right? Arrogant people are not so fun to be around. Do you think your spouse wants to be around this angry crying thing that this mention of divorce has turned you into? Yeah I know, it sucks, but if you want your spouse back, you gotta get your groove back. Don’t be someone you aren’t, but that doesn’t mean you can’t improve yourself, and get rid of all those nasty habits and get some new, more flattering clothes.

6. Education Education Education.

Read and understand the forces that are at work here. Just like gravity, electricity, etc. the relationship world is governed by emotional forces that we still don’t seem to understand completely. Examples, if your spouse has a poor relationship with their mother, that can actually bleed over and mess up your marriage if it goes unaddressed. Huh? If you come to your spouse crying, it actually repulses them in many cases, and can make them angrier. It may be perceived as emotional black mail. There are different kinds of responses to anger. Some folks can’t let it go, while others will sit there in total silence. Learn your spouse’s pattern! Learn everything you can from people who have been married, got divorced, and especially people who almost got a divorce, what worked, what didn’t, etc. For crying out loud read Hosea and the Songs of Solomon in the scripture. I don’t care if you hate God, it will still do you some good in trying to save your marriage.

7. Learn Agape / Sacraficial Love.

You might as well toss out ol’ Eros for now. Time to focus on Agape. This means a nice sacrafice on your part would be good about now. I said a sacrafice, not martydom. Don’t go diving in front of any trains as that will just further confirm that you are an unsuitable spouse in their mind. Do something really really nice, that isn’t going to be perceived as creepy. Here’s a clue – you probably need to not involve yourself in whatever it is, if you feel like you can trust your very very angry mate.

8. Don’t Talk About the Problems

Talking about the problems usually makes things worse until you have a COMMITMENT from your spouse to stay and engage in making the marriage better. It will take awhile to get that commitment, so until then, if they try to start WWIII, don’t fall into it. Don’t fall into that trap. You just sit there and let them vent or get out of the way until they are done. If they are the type who likes conflict, well you may need to actually engage them for once if you never have!

9. See Through the Anger and Emotional Roller Coaster.

Yes your spouse will say they want a divorce one minute and then something else the next. They will say they hate you. They no longer love you, aren’t in love with you, etc. etc. No big thing man. Teen agers can come up with the same stuff, but it passes! They will flip flop in their decisions. One foot in the pool and one foot out. It is just part of the cycle. Don’t worry about it and recognize it for what it is. Yeah easy for me to say, but believe me I’ve been there, and it got so much easier once I realized what was going on. It can be like being married to a werewolf for a bit! Love your little werewolf, not for what they are doing presently, but what they can become and leave the silver bullets at home. Well except for this top 10 list! Go see the movie What Dreams May Come with Robin Williams. That is pretty much what you are up against for the foreseeable future. Then right as you start to make progress, you’ll get angry and ruin all your progress. Don’t be that person when you have this awesome top ten list available!

10. Have a Moment of Clarity.
This one can’t be taught, only described. It just has to happen to you. It essentially means totally giving up and TRUSTING God, Yahuwah, Yahweh, the Great Spirit, Jesus, Yah’shua, Yeshua or whatever your favorite and endearing term for our Creator is, to take care of this. Through tons of research, I think His name (24 hits)is something along the lines of Yahuwah or Yahuweh (177 hits) translitereated to English, but that’s not the name I used when my miracle prayer (546 hits) was answered. It was something more along the lines of Daddy. I just know what I felt and others have described the same experience. It is the same force that causes those medical miracles that all of us have heard of at least once. It is like searching for the enlightement or lost spiritual truths! It is buried deep down inside you somewhere and it has nothing to do with going to church although that can help sometimes. Luke, use the force! You are finally past the check list! You are actually doing this because you now love your spouse more than yourself! You are no longer afraid! Nothing is impossible for this marriage!

Yes I know this is tough man, but believe me, it is worth it once you make it to the other side. Don’t give up. This could take awhile.

11. Repeat Steps 1 through 9 until 10 happens

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