Glass Gloves

Marital Problems? Divorce? Get help here or somewhere before it is too late. Don’t waste time. Educate yourself. Do your homework! Be Patient.

June 9th, 2008

Top 10 Things that have outlasted my marriage!

Maybe this could be put on the Letterman show….. the top 10 things that have outlasted my marriage.

 

 

1.) Worn out consulting T-shirt I picked up as a recruiters hand out in college.

2.) My wallet I have had since I was 18.. wow… it even has staples to keep it together now. Sound familiar?

3.) My College Ring… I still can’t find that thing, but I it is either around the house somewhere or in a pawn shop!

4.) My belly button lint collection.. haha just kidding.

5.) My woolen trench coat that I used to wear in high-school while dating this gal…

6.) Many of my books that I have had since I was a boy!

7.) My E.T. the extraterrestiel doll that I share with children. I’ve had it since I was 5. Now they get to share it!

8.) My first shotgun! I’ve had that thing since I was in 4th grade…. ssssshhhhhh sshhhhhhh don’t tell CPS.

9.) Some of my socks.

10.) My first guitar! I still have that bad boy.

 

Heck, even my driver’s license photo out lived my marriage, if you can believe that! I still can’t  believe I used to have long hair!

 

Seriously folks.. I think it is really done this time at least from a legal perspective. I mean the odds are totally stacked against me. I’m going to keep praying, but we shall see what fireworks soon ensue.

 

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April 2nd, 2008

My Best Friend

Who is your best friend? If you don’t believe it, just try this experiment. Put your dog and your wife in the trunk of the car for an hour. When you open the trunk, who is really happy to see you!

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March 10th, 2008

Shohn Shohn bo Vaughn - Fee Fi Pho Moe John - Let’s play the Name Game!

One of my aunt’s and my mother had struggled with each other for years. My mom had said that my aunt had said that she had the “first” born grandson on purpose just to spite her. Not sure of what was actually said, but that’s what my mom heard. I was that first born grandson. Now my son is the last one in the line to carry the family name. On my mom’s side, there are no sons to carry the family name. The name will have died with my only uncle on that side. That conflict between mom and aunt has since been resolved so no worries there, but I thought it was interesting that on both sides of my family….. my son is the last of the Mohicans as far as carrying on any sort of name. Poetic justice or just random coincidence? Not sure.

This article will be long, but I think the punch line will be worth it.
So what’s in a name people may say. 10 fingers, 10 toes - other than that - who cares? I guess when born in   America our names really don’t mean anything. I have learned over the last year that this is not so with the Hebrew language. Everyone’s name means something it seems.

Let me first start with a rather crude joke that will help bring more depth to the concept of meaning in names. Yes it is crude, but there is a purpose so please forgive me.

An American Indian boy is in his tepee talking to his mother. He asks his mother… Mom - why is grandfather named Great Brown Bear? She says to him… well the day he was born, his father got out of the tepee and the first thing he saw was a great brown bear - so they named him Great Brown Bear.

Well, what about my father, Hawk Who Soars? Well, the day he was born, your grandfather stepped outside the tepee and the first thing he saw was a Hawk flying high in the sky.

His mother then says to the young lad…. Why do you ask Two Dogs Mating?

What a name to get stuck with eh? Reminds me of the boy name Sue of Johnny Cash fame.
There has been a lot of argument going back and forth over the use of the name Jesus, Yeshua, Yahushua, in some believer circles. Right now, it seems that there are several major camps here.

You’ve got what I may call,

1.) ordinary folks who seem to use Jesus but may say YHWH or their favorite derivative on occasion
2.) some who are absolutely against any of these silly name arguments - as though arguing over spelling and pronunciation is no better than the yeast of the Pharisees,

3.) Those who are so hard core on it, that it is considered sacrilege to refer to God as the the LORD since they say it is actually referring to LORD Ba’al aka Satan, and that his name has been replaced in the scriptures with something else.
4.) People who are clueless about any of this - and perhaps have the simple faith like a child.

Now all of this said, I have found several passages that say that in the latter times things will be said of the Gentiles - our fathers have inherited lies and they will cling to those who know God, then there was David calling on the name, etc.
Even in the oldest pre-Constantine manuscripts we have - there are “placeholders” for the divine names. That is, since certain Hebrew terms would not be accurately transmitted, the idea is placeholders were used instead to represent the divine names. In the dead sea scrolls, I am told that the YHWH name is present 7000 times. 7 is after all, one of God’s favorite numbers.
Now what is the significance of all this? Well, as perhaps a former member of group 4, then moving into group 3, then moving into somewhere between 1 and 2 - I do know that truth seems to be lost without the names, but I also realize we still need to be able to communicate with people in a manner that they will understand.

Each person seems to have a different measure of Spirit given to them, and you can’t just go in like a bull in a china cabinet and start shooting people in my opinion. It seems to be a very fine art. I’ve heard that Jesus… come on Shohn, just say Yeshua, you know you want to, had only about a 50% success rate with witnessing. The big man himself was only batting .333 ?

So what does all this have to do with a name? I’m getting there… it will take awhile so just hold onto your boot straps. I’m sort of blending two things at once here to get to this point. Yes this will be convoluted.

Now if you’ve read the Bible, you may recall a passage that talked about the master reaping where he had not sown. You know, where he talked about giving one servant 10 talents, another 5, and another 1 talent. All but the guy with one talent produced more talents. The 1 who produced nothing because he was scared (remember fear = opposite of love) got blasted. The fearful servant said he was scared of the master because he had reaped where he had not sown. The master then took away what was given to him, and gave it to another. Yikes. If you haven’t read this, then go find it. Google is great for this.

That passage has always troubled me. I used to think… God is mean. Shouldn’t he love the scared little guy who buried what he was given instead? Isn’t it all about LOVE man! Look at what I was doing… judging God. Not a good thing to do.
The trouble is that sometimes things are plain English - ha, but sometimes they have multiple layered depth and meaning - saying 3 or 4 things at once at least. I once read a book that said this passage was all about how God wants you to manage your finances - and it may be, but I think there is another jewel hidden here that I never found until the other day.
Let’s look again ….

Joh 4:37 “For in this the word is true, ‘One sows and another reaps.’
Joh 4:38 “I sent you to reap that for which you have not laboured. Others have laboured, and you have entered into their labours.”

Now on first glance, I thought this meant something about a mean master coming in and taking stuff that didn’t belong to Him. Then someone blended this into  book about managing your finances. This principal does seem to ring true for business that help the poor and what not, but then as I read into it even more - it seems to say something about the Harvest of Souls. That is getting people to “Get it” - entering into the Kingdom of sorts. More than just going to church and stuff, but that divine relationship. One preacher comes along and get rejected, one wolf in sheep’s clothing comes along and pushes you away, another wold comes along and swindles you out of cash to pay for his leer jet, another “REAL” one comes along and says something that hits you. Then you almost die in a car wreck, almost get divorced, or your mom dies of cancer…… you almost die of drug overdose, ……..and then FINALLY you turn to GOD. That is sort of my path. Hard hearted as I have been in my life.
Sometimes someone says just one word to hit your heart and your are from there after touched and changed. That Epiphany moment. God is REAL! Jesus is REAL! Holy Moly! What have I done with my life…. or something like that. Thus, He reaped where He had not sown.  Wow all of that just to lead up to the point that sometimes thing s can be obscured or even hidden in the scriptures until some great tribulation or you get to a certain age or whatever.
Now, I got that part over with. What in the world does all that have to do with a name? Well, it seems like it is another case of something being hidden and in there all along. You see, even from Genesis 1:1 it spoke of the Messiah, but you WILL not catch that in the English. From  the git go is spoke of Jesus. Wow. The part that upsets me, is that if this simple truth were more well known…. well I think it would add tremendous credibility to the scriptures… why? It becomes prophetic - telling the future.
People can’t make the distinction between LORD and the Lord unless they happened to read that little primer put at the beginning of each Bible. Now here is the issue, what we call the old testament has what we now call Jesus, has Yahushua or Yeshua if pronounced using modern Hebrew as I understand it at.

Now what in the world does a name have to do with perspective? Well, in this case, as I understand it, the name Yahushua or YHWH is Salvation is pronounced Yeshua and could basically mean I AM SALVATION or something like that. There are plenty of arguments about this, so I’ll leave that one alone.
The thing is, that special name Yahushua… was talking about Jesus in the OLD Testament. It was there all along, but got masked with the erasing of the name and replacement with Adonai or as we call it in English, Lord. It hides redemptive truth! It is clear as day that Jesus was talked about from the get go and throughout the Old Testament, but my masking that with Lord….. in some ways the Bible became less clear and consequently subject to attacks by those seeking to prove it as just a series of made up  stories and old superstitions.

So… does this matter when talking to your sweet sweet grandma about sweet Jesus? Probably not, does this matter for witnessing to suspicious minds like mine. It does.  Where to draw the line? I don’t have the answers. Personally I’m just saying Praise Jesus, Yeshua our Messiah at the moment. Seems to communicate on two levels without making people too nervous.

Now that was fun with names, and hopefully my wife will continue to retain my last name (staying on the topic of this site - marriage ya know), but if you want to see something really neato… and this IS the punchline check this out ->

http://www.khouse.org/articles/1996/44/ (33 hits)

If you read slow, scroll to the bottom to get the punch line. Awesome stuff. Halleluyah! Thankyou Yeshua! Praise Jesus!

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April 24th, 2007

Keep yer eyes on the ball not my date..

I thought I’d take a moment to explain one of the core concepts of resurrecting a marriage with an angry spouse. I’m just getting my thoughts out for now, but this stuff should be going into the promised “free save the marriage” manual I’ve been writing about for a bit. I’ve almost settled on a platform if I can get it to integrate with Wordpress. Probably going to go with phpWiki. Any hoo - back to it…
You see - I’ve stated before that your spouse is not the same person right now. Your spouse is angry or even emotionless / dead inside if you are in real trouble.  Unfortunately for you, until you “get it” your spouse will NOT start to turn the corner. What a lousy selection of words. “Get it”. As best I can explain, I remember my wife telling me that I was guilty of being a control freak. Who me? A control freak? You’ve got to be kidding me… I let you make decisions on most everything we do.

Wait a second… I “let” you make decisions. Meaning ultimately it is my decision, but I relinquish control when I feel you won’t mess it up. OOOOooooooh. Perhaps I am a control freak from your point of view and that IS what matters right now is your point of view - especially since I’m trying to figure out this whole “agape” thing. So I stopped making decisions for her for a couple of reasons. One was to give her a feeling of control and I tell you there was a part of me that was afraid that she’d mess up our whole family’s life the way she was acting, but I just “let go”. You want a new car? Sure… go price it out - let’s see what is available. She prices it out and discovers - “yep we can’t afford it”, but it sure made her feel better having that control back.

As usual, I’m going to relate this to a movie scene. If you have ever seen Star Trek VI - the Undiscovered Country, there is a scene where the humans and klingons are sitting down to a luxurious dinner of blue food. The humans go on to talk about how they believe everyone is entitled to inalienable human rights. To which our idealistic klingon princess replies, “Inalienable”, “Human Rights”. If you could only hear yourselves. The very terms are racist. Righto.

It is all about point of view. Now getting back to it. Her point of view is that you are now an alien. You are no longer entitled to horizontal polka rights. You are no longer entitled to a kiss. You are no longer entitled to anything having to do with “us”, because it is no longer us, but now just you and me. Your rights have been effectively demoted to premarital levels of not worse. That means you must treat her as though you were trying to secure a first date. You can no longer be that big talking monkey walking around the house with nothing but your hanes showing. In fact, if you happen to get a date - guess what - you can’t even talk about the marital problems because there is no marriage to talk about. That part of your spouse is dead………………………. for now. Every time you “expect” a kiss or a hug or an “I love you” you are pushing her away. You are in a position to demand NOTHING after the way you have acted. Remember, this is her point of view and if you don’t get into her shoes and understand this - there is no way you have a fighting chance at saving your marriage. You still haven’t changed just like she said.

But you say, well I know I’ve done this and I’ve done that, but I wasn’t that bad. Yes - not that bad from your perspective. She snapped okay. It happens to the best of us.  So you may ask… what can I do then? Well - when you are around your spouse. You are on first date behaviour. If she fell for you because you were fun and are no longer fun - then guess what you better be fun again. If she fell for you because you were fun at first, but now have become as annoying as a table of monkeys drinking round after round of bananna daiquiris then guess what - time to stop drinking bannana daiquiris and focus more on what matters to her. Do you even know?

Ahhh yes, but you say it is a two way street and you can’t continue this way. It takes two to tango. No it doesn’t - you just need to quit getting on edge when you are around her. She can smell your fear and it is repugnant to her - not unlike that girl or guy you may have turned down for the homecoming dance back in high-school. You are actually no better off than that guy who couldn’t get a date (that was me at one point so back off ;) . Don’t be that guy. See it from her point of view. She is building a case against you and every time you come to her expecting a kiss, or demanding this, or stating your case, or just being flat out annoying and selfish -… guess what you just lost a couple of points for the team. Keep it up and you’ll be benched for good or she’s going to find someone who IS willing to play ball.

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December 29th, 2006

Why were you looking at her?

This post will be a bit crass, but it is reality for most men. Ladies - consider this counter intelligence and counter intelligence!

I can honestly say that this is one area that I have been fortunate enough to have had an understanding wife. She understand this part of the male psyche, that we are often a visual creature, etc.

Let’s just get to it - why do guys look at womens’ rear end (159 hits) as they pass by or sometimes focus on the cleavage during conversation?

I honestly don’t know. I guess we’re just hard-wired that way - well most of us. This used to frustrate me so much. It is actually a habit in myself that I have been trying to vanquish for years. I’m almost there, but it still pops up from time to time.

My wife and I would be sitting down at dinner or something and an attractive woman would walk by. I would actually catch myself observing the rear end of the attractive woman as she walked by. My wife would catch me red handed, but was smart enough to know that it almost an uncontrollable / unconscious thing with me and for most men. She would then proceed to poke a little fun at me - the big ape that I am.

My wife had a girl friend that didn’t see it that way though. Her friend would catch her fella doing something like that at a dinner outing and would blow a gasket. The whole night would be ruined I am told. Maybe her hubby is just “blatant and no tact” about it though. I can just imagine him whipping out a camera to take a few pics home while he was at it.

Now what I can say is this - I honestly make an effort not to do this sort of thing. I want to have eyes for only one woman - my wife. To look on another woman is a quality in myself that I find revolting, but I have accepted that at times - it happens and fortunately my wife doesn’t rake me over the coals when it does happen.

I’ve talked about this phenomenon with my wife at great length. I even asked her one time - “Why do women show cleavage in the work place?” It bugs me sometimes because it seems to be distracting in a work environment. She informed me that it is often just a result of the clothing that is commonly available now a days - they can’t help it.

Now guys here’s the rub - if you do get caught in the act on this - don’t deny it to your sweetheart - especially if she’s a bit insecure. It is a futile effort - just explain that it just a male thing and that you have no intentions of leaving her and for heaven’s sake at least work on it.

Now that we have gotten this far I thought that this may help some of you guys relate to your lady. You see - just in as much as there are almost uncontrollable urges for you to turn your head as a good looking girl walks by, women have their own set of emotional things that are difficult for them to control.

Us guys like to put all of our emotions in a nice little box and say “There - isn’t that neat and organized”. It doesn’t always work that way for them and they can control some of those emotions just about as well as we can resist turning our head! They have something called “memory popups” - that just surface out of nowhere and cause them emotional affliction. My wife had one of these the other day on the way to her parents’ house for Christmas. I asked “Can you just leave it alone?” - yeah eventually she will, but she just doesn’t quite have as tight a handle on the emotions created by old memories.

I never understood that part until I read the book below given to me as a Christmas present by my wife’s folks. Coincidentally, I opened the book right up to the section that talked about this phenomenon after we had just had this problem on the way to her parent’s house. Weird.

It is an awesome book, but probably most useful to you for explaining past behaviors and for marriage maintenance mode. I think this book would be extremely useful for someone who has quite a bit of resentment built up (i.e., your spouse that is trying to leave). It explains a number of things that are probably contributing to your spouse’s resentment. Ladies there is a counterpart for you too called “for women only”. My wife is reading it - we’ll see how it goes.

(12 hits)

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November 28th, 2006

Do what your Mummy says!

What I am about to tell you only applies if you are fortunate enough to have your wife sleeping in the same bed with you again and only if intimate relations have resumed at her invitation. If you aren’t there yet you need to go back to the start (150 hits) or at least here (120 hits).

Here we go. Some of this article may be a bit crass so you have been warned.
One of my friends told me a funny yet sad story about how he had gotten a bit out of control with his wife. No disrespect to my friend, but I thought we all could learn from his experience. Apparently, his wife climbed into their bed minus her underpants. To most guys - including myself - this would be an indicator of good things to come.

Unfortunately, for my friend it seems that his wife instead rejected his advances for physical intimacy and in response he threw a nice little temper tantrum. He proceeded to remove the sheets from their bed and even went so far as to toss his underwear somewhat violently. He then remade the bed with her in it. I can certainly relate to wanting to do things like this and have done much worse in the past.

I once commented to my wife on a similar situation albeit minus the underwear tossing - “I hope that one day you become reincarnated well endowed so that you’ll know what it’s like to be a guy.” - I said it much meaner than that of course - it might as well have been in demon-speak. I can say it much nicer now though. I just explained what is written in the following paragraphs.

Please filter appropriately as this is based on a study of my wife and many of my friends’ wives. For all I know, your lady could be loaded down with so much physical intimacy drive that you have to fight her off with a stick. Lucky you.

Also, for those couples who sleep in the nude - I have no answers on the subject of going to bed minus underpants.

At the risk of being crass, this stuff applies to the rest of us who have kids or who have a fear of the house catching fire while sleeping nude and then running out of the house naked much to the dismay of the local fire department that just arrived to put the fire out.

Fire Escape

Yes I have kids.

A couple of suggestions for guys and ladies.

Ladies

You just don’t know how much power you have over us in this area and if you do and abuse it - well you are only robbing yourself. Please please play nicely. Denial in the area of physical intimacy wounds our poor little inner child which is waht results in the nice little temper tantrum at times. You must realize that in many ways this is no different from the need to eat and drink for us guys. Think of it this way. To us it is almost like saying “Sweetie I’m dying of thirst can you get me a drink of water?” Then we receive a proverbial “Sorry honey, I don’t feel like getting you a drink of water even if you are dying.”

Please don’t come to bed minus underpants unless your intending on a roll in the hay or unless some gnomes stole your underpants (98 hits). At the risk of sound crass, wrap your bottom up like a mummy if you aren’t interested. It is nothing less than torture to your poor poor husband to show up to bed minus under pants and not be in the mood. Period.

If you’re bloating, head-aching, or any of the other common ailments - let us know. It makes it a heck of a lot easier on our inflated male egoes. Until we reach a certain age (80 (92 hits)?), you must realize that these thoughts govern (97 hits) our brain half the time if not more. We’re just wired that way. You could almost say it is our mummy.

Guys

Sometimes your lady just wants to be held and every little physical caress doesn’t mean that the horizontal polka is a go that night. I have yet to figure out how to tell the difference, but just realize that it may not be. The whole process is some kind of game to them. They’re looking for the dance of romance (though not all the time). Confusing eh? Again, just acknowledge it for what it is and play your part.

No throwing the sheets like my ill-fortuned friend. It is tough I know. Here is a trick for her to calm that inner sheet tosser of yours. I found that if my wife explains why she is denying me that proverbial glass of water it instantly removes those feelings. Ask her next time to just help you understand and you may find yourself sympathetic to your loved one’s plight for once.

Another thing - you can’t just come in from work, sling all your stuff down, ask for a beer, prop yourself in front of the TV, and then expect her to want to be physically intimate once it is time for bed. If you do this - congratulations - you just made her feel like a piece of meat (106 hits) and you are probably building up some nice resentment against yourself from her.

Lastly, I’ve noticed that there are at least a couple of ground rules that allow her to take the game to your desired conclusion.

  • It starts with you (assuming we’re working with the standard sex-crazed male situation and not the inverse (102 hits)). Make her feel loved. Think selfless.
  • She has buttons - you need to figure out what they are. In the case of my wife, I discovered a rather simple equation. Fun (181 hits) for her (99 hits) = fun for me.
  • Fun Picture
  • There are other buttons, but this is a big one for my wife. Do you know what your wife’s is? How sad if you don’t. I know I didn’t until I started piecing everything together.
  • She needs the right environment - that means no kids running around, the nest needs to be secure, clean, etc. If your wife stays home like mine, then bring home dinner for once. Figure out what she is worried about and help remove as many items from her todo list as possible. Then she can focus on more fun activities.
  • Whatever you do - if she says no - don’t complain. Suck it up and you can talk about where you both are going wrong (103 hits) later.

These rules apply if you actually want her to be into the experience. If she’s just indulging you (i.e., she’s not interested, but lets you have your fun anyway) then perhaps you should let her know how much you appreciate her kindness.

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