2Co 10:3 For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh
2Co 10:4 (for the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but mighty before God to the casting down of strongholds),
2Co 10:5 casting down imaginations, and every high thing that is exalted against the knowledge of God, and bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ;
How does one take every thought captive? Though I am certainly not there yet, I think one would at least have to have some understanding of their own mind. I imagine this would require a lot of discipline and observing of oneself.
One would have to be careful with this as one could easily suppress one part of the mind in an effort to build up another part – the net result being actually making things worse and eventually finding the suppressed aspect of mind coming out at a rather awkward time. As an attempt at humor and to register this better with your thoughts – let’s say you were to try to supress the part of you that likes to go skinny dipping. Perhaps you might find yourself shedding clothes at work or something next. Though extreme, I hope this underscores the idea. Cautions aside, I observed a rather interesting effect the other day that I think ties into a bigger picture.
Attempting to develop my other mind half, I had picked up my guitar and was working on learning the notes. I have played for years, but never really knew the notes and how the fret board operates. I just played from guitar tablature, which just shows which strings to play without notes typically. Anyway, years ago I was able to play by reading sheet music to some degree, but had long since lost that ability as I had relied exclusively on tablature. I lost that ability – or so I thought.
I was reading a book from the library for beginning guitar playing. First I read out the music and within about 10 minutes I was playing a few simple songs from sheet music instead of tablature. It was sort of like watching a child learn how to walk, but in very fast time accelerated mode. As my fingers and mind attempted to relearn what I had already learned, what I disccovered was that something I haven’t done in almost 15 years – came back to me like it was nothing, or riding a bike as the expression goes.
I then had a friend come by a bit later and was showing me how to play a particularly melodic song by the band Metallica called Justice for All. My friend was showing me, albeit – way too fast, how to play this song. I asked him to slow down. It reminded me of trying to learn Czech when the speaker was going too fast. He slows down and shows me the finger layout. He shows me a few notes. I played it, got confused. I asked a few more times and the something triggered within. I recognized the song and so did my fingers.
I played out the rest of the sequence much to the surprise of my friend. He says – how did you do that? I said “I already knew this song, but forgot that I had learned it”. I had forgotten that I had learned how to play parts of this song almost 10 years ago. The song reintegrated into the forefront of my mind after a few licks – as though I had never forgotten how to play it.
I noted a similar phenomenon one time with a password that I needed. I had taken an internship position, but still maintained administrative control over a few computer systems at my old job because my job was waiting on my once I finished the internship. While away, I had forgotten a very key password. I had tried several times to remember this password, but it wasn’t happening. This went on for a series of months. One day though, I’m just sitting there minding my own business and the password comes to me out of the clear blue sky. There was no associative thought at the time. It came out of the clear blue sky as far as I could tell. Something that was forgotten becoming relearned or perhaps refocused upon. An aspect of one’s mind that had remained hidden.
Another way of thinking of this is that perhaps the external mirrors the internal as has been said by mystics for a few thousand years or so. The modern new age is calling some of this stuff the Law of Attraction and “The Secret”, but I have found in my own research that there are concepts that seem to go across all religions. Something about praying for something, letting it go, and then it shows up not unlike my password, or reading sheet music, or even playing a forgotten song.
For example, I had broken the button to a favorite pair of shorts of mine. This was about 4-5 months ago. I was really distraught about this and then said…well let’s try this pray thing some more. I reached down inside and said – “I’d like a new button please”. A couple days later, a friend of mine (staying with me for awhile) walks up to me and says “Shohn – I found this button and thought it might be yours”.
I’m thinking to myself “What?!?!!?”. I didn’t disclose that I needed a button and that my shorts had needed one to to him. Yet here this fella is, offering an answer to my prayer from a couple days ago. The button was an exact match because it was the replacement button for my shorts.
So here I am waiting around, standing for marrriage restoration, waiting for my wife to come home one day and I notice an even bigger paradigm. Last year this time, there was no way I would think about “quittin” at this point. My wife was very distant then and it was as though I didn’t even know her yet my resolve was strong. She had become forgotten not unlike my button or the song from years past. It only took a couple months really before I could barely recognize her or who she was. It was as though she became a different person.
Now I am finding that our roles are perhaps starting to switch. She came over the other day to the house and talked for about 10 minutes. This was record breaker, but as I watched her… I felt vibe – yes vibe, yet a part of me felt actually a bit disgusted with the whole situation. I knew I couldn’t supress this part, but I couldn’t express it to her at that time either. Timing of the words is key. I’ll express in another channel. Writing seems to help.
She called me the other day and asked if I was sick or something and it didn’t seem to be just being cordial, but actual concern. I could feel vibe again. Yaay vibe at long last! There are other similar good things (TM) that have happened, but what I now find is that there is a part of my mind that is wanting to bail and call it quits. I’m now thinking do I supress this part and have it show up at an inopportune time? This all may sound slightly skitzophrenic, but to take every thought capture requires some observing of one’s own thoughts and personalities as they shift in and out.
With all that background, the way I understand it is that the weight of this world will attempt to “supress” one’s mind back into the world’s way of thinking or even against what one had set out to become -the net result is that often one becomes the opposite of the original goal. You can see this clearly laid out in the book of Job.
I see a similar effect all the time in folks who chose to get divorced. They say things like – well I’m so much happier now or what have you, yet from my point of view and hopefully I’m not projecting – they don’t seem any happier, but rather are attempting to rationalize their current existence as being the correct choice. It’s their life so not my concern really, but given that it is contrary to my objectives I have to be aware of this phenomenon. What is scary is I find parts of my mind attempting to do the same to me now – as though my previous fight and tenacity is getting worn down and on the virge of apathy at times and I try to rationalize quitting. Go on, you deserve better, it was her choice, etc.
The net effect is that the way this world works – it is attempting to make me reverse course on what I had set out to accomplish and maybe even rationalize why I can quit.
Now, let’s tie this all back into music. Our ears are such that as we play the music – there are notes that do not have a sharp note with them as I became more intimately aware of while picking the guitar back up.
The pound sign (#) indicates a sharp note, which is a half step up in frequency.
A A# B C C# D D# E F F# G G#
This is going by memory, but look at B and E, or look at the layout of a piano keyboard. What happens is that we change into something else as external stimulus arrives without even knowing it and that is how our goals are not met. Another analogy is like the memories from a dream fading each morning.
All this writing, and then I remember…. my marriage.
In the marriage restoration operation, folks say that one must “let go”, yet what is the difference between that and apathy? I’m not sure. It is a very fine line to walk and I suppose one could fade into another side if external stimulus were not present. At this time I am very fortunate, because I am seeing some signs that the wife’s heart is warming just a tad.
At present, the idea of returning home may be the most foreign concept in her mind, but at the same time for years she had considered me as the one who got away. Somehow that changed. I’m now waiting for that part of her mind to resurface and recall the good times and the fact that we were a family once.
At this point I am really really hoping that this is the scene out of What Dreams May Come with Robin Williams where the hero is rescuing his wife from hell. As he goes to rescue her – she is lost and can not be communicated with – absorbed in self pity and self hate. The hero himself becomes sucked into her world that she has created. Her own private version of hell. As this happens – she awakens, but he is gone. He becomes lost into her hellish world while she then must rescue him. The roles flip. I find myself right on the cusp of this situation as I try to avoid slipping into apathy to absolve myself of the anxiety as it comes. Stated another way – I sometimes get tired of being sick and tired and want to seek an outlet, but I document here to both express and for others to relate to the path as it goes.
Note the ups and downs of my communication even as the stimuli change. If I can remain aware long enough, I can then realize that often there is a similar effect – the dusk before dawn effect that is related to Octaves I think. It always get darker before the dawn, but one has to be aware of this to make use of it.
I don’t have any easy answers at this time, but thought I would write about concepts I am struggling with at this point as I may be unable to relate to them in the future should the external stimuli change (e.g., the wife comes home????).
Take every thought captive to Christ? Easier said than done, but my current marital situation does allow for a great deal of work to be done on my mind and being. I’m now left wondering if the guy I was a year ago, would even recognize the guy I am today.
Part of this means conciously working towards being what it is that I pray for. I must BECOME a better husband. Not something that I just read about in a book somewhere, but real experiential knowledge. At present, there are limited opportunities to test out in real life, but I can play out situations in my head to self-integrate new thought forms and behavior patterns. Consider this like a basketball player getting mentally prepared – imagining the shot. This is real.
I’m now working to learn a number of areas that I have been less than privvy to for much of my existence as Shohn. Part of becoming a better husband is – How to write from the heart – from the spirit as it were.
To do this, I set out to learn a new language here and there. I picked biblical Hebrew given that it is largely a dead language in terms of available speakers in the world today. We really have a limited understanding of what it would have sounded like. Yes there are guesses of course. I am having to speak to at present another dead language -that which my wife and I used to speak to one another. Going back in my memory and suspending myself and trying to see things from her point of view. I practice this with others now – trying to see them as the Lord might see them – suspending the ego for a moment as best I can – playing out their entire life story in my head to understand how they got to where they are and how they thing they way they think and how they may receive what I may say. All of this has to occur within an instant so practice is vital.
Back to dead languages or conveniently time snapshotted languages. The Hebrew letters looked like Martian not even 6 months ago, but what is now happening is the letters and many words have started to integrate into my psyche. I look at the letters – sometimes even on rock paintings and can recognize what the letter or word is. How surreal is that?
I am attempting to integrate another foreign language. Writing from the heart. Not just cheesey love letters with carelessly sown words all across the page, but something that flows. As in music, timing will be key.
Writing from the heart. I plan to send my wife a text message to day or tommorrow. I am waiting until I get that feeling in my solar plexus area. The heart. Those feelings of love, warmness, gentleness. I start by thinking about what not to write.
I miss you, love Shohn. ….. no… it contains a slight bit of guilt and implies action.
Come home, love Shohn. no…. can not issue a directive such as this, it will send her reeling.
I hate you. Just kidding!
I took her mother out for dinner last night for her birthday and baked a cake (my first bunt cake). Perhaps I should glue that experience together?
Wife, your mother and I had a great time last night for her birthday. Though different, it reminded me of many of things I had forgotten about you. Wanted you to know, I was thinking about you and I love you. I hope you have a good day. Shohn
If it feels cheesey and bit too structured, it will not be received. I
I’ll probably think about what I want to say for 10 minutes and then “let go”. I pray instead for the right words.. let it go and trust that they will come to me, not unlike that password I forgot years ago or the button that showed up after a prayer.
I have effectively forgotten who she is, but I hope that as I trust my intuition and wait for the heart that the right words will create the appropriate stimulus within her world and perhaps she may then awaken before I fall asleep.
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