A Country western singer – Garth Brooks I think, wrote a song called the Dance. I was never really into country western music, but I’ve always secretly liked that song.

I started dancing lessons this evening at the behest of the ambassador to my wife, namely, my mother in law.

It was interesting. I’ve danced plenty of times, but nothing quite so formal and structured. The lady taught how the male was to lead and how the female was to follow his lead. The active male energy juxstaposed against the passive female energy. Then she would switch roles.

I found myself doing okay, but then the two left feed engaged when attempting to perform a left box turn. I felt the development of the feminine side within me as my dance partners provided instruction and suggestions. I felt the active male side as I found myself attempting to lead my dance partner away from a certain coffee table equipped with some sort of strange gravity type force.

It was an enlightening experience. I should have done this 10 years ago.

10 years ago, I would have considered something like this – a waste of time. A complete waste of perfectly good time. Yes, a waste of time. It would have been an arbitrary custom that we are encouraged to learn for no other reason other than to parade mindlessly about a dance floor without substancet to our being. Yet, on the surface – substance there is not, but as with many things in life – it has deeper meaning still.

Tonight what I saw was a metaphor in the unfolding of the same dance that we often perform to rediscover who we are, the same dance that we may perform with our spouses and other loved ones that may even serve as a greater metaphor for the same dance we perform with our soul and our Creator.

Creator and Createe in lock step partnership letting go and seemingly releasing ane retaking control from time to tiime. Truly an emotional experience to watch the active and passive engage turning and stepping around into something so beautiful with each couple – yet watching the group as a whole growing in knowledge and experience of the dance – each individual and each couple with their own strengths and weakenesses – learning to dance with each other.

Poetry. I had to hide it in front of all the lovely women there, but I had one baby tear in my eye as I left.

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Where were you the day they fell?

I flew into Newark, NJ the night before the September 11th fun. I was headed up to NY for a two week training course. Welcome to the job – some limo driver picks me up and takes me out to the middle of nowhere. I was in so much trouble with the training people because I had decided to bend the rules a little and show up a day late to the training course. Nervous a bit for the stunt. I heard that the powers that be were not happy back home. I go to the class the next day…. we’re about an hour or so into class when the announcement is made.

The twin towers have fallen.

I remember thinking….. sort of dazed…. whuuuut? I remember running some sort of simulation in my head of what or how that could possibly occur and thinking – that is impossible – this is a hoax. Yes an elaborate hoax.

They wheel the TV in. They’re not there. The towers aren’t there. A hoax I tell you. A hoax… hahaha you guys really did a number on me – I know I was late, but come on – surely you had something better than this.

It sets in … I say to myself …. how did the f**king twin towers fall. Surreal fading in and out of reality. Everything changed.

The phone calls start to pour in… Shohn I hope you are okay.. etc. Cell phone coverage is sporadic at best since we are out in the middle of nowhere. Frantic calls to let everyone know – no I’m not dead – at least not yet.

I imagine this must be somewhat what it was like to have watched everything change after JFK got taken out.

I spent that weekend at NYU with a friend. It was weird. My first trip to the city. The whole city seemed to have a somber tone to it. We avoided the tower area. Didn’t want to sit there and gawk at death and loss.

My friend and I party down and I temporarily contemplate moving up to NY because I like the place so much. The partying fades….back into the airport.

As we return home, the airport is empty. Thoughts of training and falling towers pass away. I look forward to seeing her again. Can’t wait.

I remember coming off the plane from New York, being excited to come back home to our apartment. I don’t remember exactly, but I believe I was planning on taking a cab home and splitting the fare with co-worker. I think I may have told her when I was landing or possibly to meet me at the airport, but I do remember thinking well, let’s save her the trip instead. I didn’t want her to have to drive all the way out there just for little ol’ me, I felt like it was an unneccesary burden and was actually trying to do that as an act of love.

As I walked down the escalator I remember being surprised that she was there. I was thinking – I could have saved her some time. So I remember asking something like “what are you doing here”?. I believe it was interpreted as – “What the hell are you doing here?”, which is not what I was thinking at all.

It was brought up several times in subsequent arguments, and each time I had tried to explain that it wasn’t like I was saying what the hell are you doing here, but it seemed like it couldn’t be heard. I know now that this is called projecting. I do it too. I wish I had known then what I know now. Hind site is 20/20 I guess.

Funny how things get interpreted to be something they are not sometimes. We all do this and I imagine that is probably the root cause behind some folks deciding to crash a couple of airplanes into some buildings. One guy says something, it gets misread or misquoted, taken out of context and the next thing you know – 1000 year later or so …. some dude is crashing an airplane into a skyscraper and thinks he is doing God a service.

God, love, faith…. isn’t it all ironic sometimes?

Where were you when the towers fell? My wife isn’t with me today, but she is alive and I’m thankful that neither of us had to part ways because of some airplane crashing into my place of work.

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From a forum I participate on (not my words):

So don’t be like me and go
into a mode of spiritual self immolation. Just turn
the knowledge within and use it in all interactions.
The reason you did not see the answer, is because
you did not look within yourself for it. You looked
at the external world, saw a problem, and wanted
something external to fix the problem. This is how
the mass of humanity go through their days. They
look at other people and situations around them and
see a multitude of problems, i.e. “He’s a hot head”,
“She, never shuts up”, “Why aren’t people more
loving?” and one I’m working on now “He/She is
selfish” (Actually, these were all part of my
delusion at one time or another) When we externalize
these judgments, we are failing to recognize the
true reflective reality, that being that these are
aspects of our own divided nature. To turn it
within, we have to replace the other with ourselves
and thereby know ourselves, i.e. “I’m a hot head”,
“I never shut up”, “I’m not loving”, “I’m selfish”.
Most never awaken to this truth and remain blind to
their own nature. As such, they must ever face
themselves in the external world by constantly
meeting people or being in situations that are the
reflection of their own inner nature.
Finally, it seems, and I could be wrong because this
has not been experiential for me, but it seems from
observing members of my own family, that the more
someone is given the opportunity to know an aspect
of themselves yet continue to externalize it as a
fault in the other or in circumstance, the less and
less likely it becomes that they will break free of
the delusion in their own mind. I hope this has been
helpful.

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1.) You wake up that morning. You are tired from the party the night before, but you have to go to work. As you leave for work, you kick the dog. What kind of day are you going to have?

2.) You wake up that mornng. You give thanks to God. Thank you. Thank you – Oh wonderful maker of this place! you go to work. What kind of day are you going to have?

What is going to happen to your mind in each case?

How to achieve option 2 each morning? I put signs on the mirror in my bathroom. I created a business card to keep in my wallet. I chose a symbol to remind me – a common one – a tree!

Some mornings are more difficult depending upon the cycles, but it helps. Practical eh?

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I had seriously thought about becoming a marital and family therapist over the last year or so due to some of the experiences I have had lately.

Turns out in the State of Texas – that would mean at least a masters degree and about 1500 hours of supervised work, with another 1500 hours unsupervised. The masters degree would be about 40,000. Not too bad eh?

Thought about this some more…. why become a counselor? Ultimately, the objective is to somehow help lower the divorce rates at least here in the states, and promote the family unit and hopefully make this country less of the train wreck it is starting to become in my humble opinion. The way I see it, is that the break down of the family is the root cause behind many other societal issues. Yes there are problems elsewhere – but what is the root cause? The source?

One could argue that it is a lack of training that causes marriages to fail so easily, perhaps it is the ease of obtaining a marriage license? The ease in obtaining a divorce?

Now don’t get me wrong, I know you can’t legislate morality too much, but at the same time it sucks to see families getting ripped apart left and right and afterall – we do have laws against murder. I guess that in many ways my generation is the product of 3 or 4 generations of parents raising kids as kids and just doing the best we can. It has to turn around somewhere and start somewhere.

What is the model though – and why does it matter? I guess I still look at the prior to and including WWII generation as the model or ideal for how things should be done. That generation kicked a$$.

What does all this have to do with getting a degree in counseling? Well, I realized that again – that would not meet the bigger objective. The objective is to reduce the divorce rates. I need to think bigger. Bigger.

To heck with getting a degree. It’s Political Action Committee time.

Fathers Against Divorce (FAD)????? Nah too negative.

Better Husbands make Better Fathers and Less Divorce for the Future of the Family – too wimpy?

Father’s For the Family (FFF)?

Dads Against Divorce (DAD)?

Dad’s For Family (DFF)

Borrowing from the Life of Bryan..

The People’s Front for the Liberation of Judea?

The Popular People’s Front..

Not sure.

I think the FAD thing could become a FAD, but it is a bit negative and with all the Politically Correct crowd about it could do more harm than good.

As I think about such an organization though – there would have to be some built in policing to keep it from growing out of control and going too far. I could imagine some future scenario where it would be impossible to get a divorce from one’s spouse who is working as a prostitute due to the efforts of the FFF or FAD. That wouldn’t be good either.

Look at the ACLU for example. There was a time and place when it was great. Now, it is just out of control. The organization would need to have some sort of bylaws, that would allow the organization to scale down as the divorce rates or family started to succeed. Some guiding principles of sorts and a self terminating or reducing organization – once it has outlived it’s usefulness, it would ramp back down ideally.

Food For Thought (FFT).

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“Told You So” – Spencer Green (No hits)

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Todo: Fill out this article later.

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BUENOS AIRES (Reuters) – Furious rail commuters in Argentina set fire to a train on Thursday in anger over delays during the morning rush hour.

Television images showed black smoke and flames engulfing the train at the station of Merlo, in the western suburbs of the capital, Buenos Aires. At nearby Castelar, passengers hurled stones at the ticket office and blocked the rails.

“We understand that people get angry when the service is delayed or canceled, but they absolutely can’t attack a public service in this way,” Gustavo Gago, a spokesman for rail company TBA, told local television.

Many passengers said the delays, caused by a broken down train, had cost them a day’s work.

Argentina’s dilapidated rail services are plagued by delays and travelers’ anger sometimes erupts into violence.

Last year, commuters torched a carriage at a station south of the capital and rioting broke out at a main railway station when passengers clashed with police, causing dozens of injuries and arrests.

(Reporting by Helen Popper and Nicolas Misculin; Editing by Eric Beech)

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The Victim Script. You know people that play it. Heck, there are plenty of times on this stupid blog that I have played it.

Some folks like to turn themselves into a victim on just about everything. Reminds me of a commerical I once saw. The scene is regarding a labor pool and the difference between some college grads from a local college and the standard no degreed labor pool. The boss comes in and instructs the laborers on a task that needs to be completed.

The first pool of laborers says something to the effect “Why are you picking on me?”.

The second pool of laborers says something to the effect “I’ll have it done by end of day”.

The commericial was designed to push a local university’s agenda, but I think it illustrates what a difference point of view can make.

I know that I have done this on parts of my marriage and so has the wife. As I do the post mortem on what all went wrong, the objective is to make sure that it doesn’t happen again and share with others so that they can see whether or not they are doing the same things.

It is often hard for folks playing the victim script to see that they are playing the victim script. Everything that is said can get twisted and turned into the role of a victim. As I understand it, we should always seek to avoid making ourselves the victim.

I watched it happen with a friend of mine, but what was cool was this person recognized it. They went “Oh – I didn’t realize I was doing that”, this person then sought ways to improve this aspect of themselves. This person then help me identify one of my weaknesses – the fragment of my personality I had written about the other day. Sometimes it takes years of pain to take off the welding glasses and see ourselves in the mirror.

Sometimes it takes realizing that what we see in others is actually just a reflection of what we see in ourselves.

The way I understand it though… it starts like this as an example. Someone may call you up or come over and visit and decide to unload some problems or issues. They continue for say 20 minutes. Eventually, you as the recipient – though trying to be a good friend – may start to tune out on occassion. At this point, the brain or whatever is controlling the person may cue up a feeling that they need a REASON to feel they way they feel. Since there is noone in sight, but you – that friend’s brain then identifies a new target and REASON for their frustration – and guess what … it becomes YOU!

They may then say…. “Is this not important to you?” – “Are you ignoring me – because I can leave”. Cue up the Shaft theme song at this point.

Ever had this happen? I know that I have done this to other people, but never knew why. Now that I know the phenomenon – I can do something about it or at least try to!

I’m sure you can think of other similar scenarios. These are termed the law of projection and law of reflection in certain circles.

Sometimes it takes realizing that what we see in others is actually just a reflection of what we see in ourselves.

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