Glass Gloves

The youngest children are going back with their mother. I prayed for the best thing for the children and I guess this is it. I’ve accepted it. God Bless.

Standing on verse 5 still.

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Question:

Hab 1:1 The oracle that Habakkuk the prophet saw.
Hab 1:2 O LORD, how long shall I cry for help, and you will not hear? Or cry to you “Violence!” and you will not save?
Hab 1:3 Why do you make me see iniquity, and why do you idly look at wrong? Destruction and violence are before me; strife and contention arise.
Hab 1:4 So the law is paralyzed, and justice never goes forth. For the wicked surround the righteous; so justice goes forth perverted.

Answer:

Hab 1:5 “Look among the nations, and see; wonder and be astounded. For I am doing a work in your days that you would not believe if told.

Stand on it all day tommorrow.

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tomorrow we go into a temporary custody hearing. The hearing will start around 9 tommorrow.

I ask for the spirit of discernment and heart for the judge to make the right decisions for the children - not myself nor my wife - perhaps even a miracle or two and that NEITHER of us resort to mud slinging or at least minimally so - so that dignity may be preserved on all sides. Send light down on my wife, the judge, and maybe even me.

I am prepared to accept the outcome whatever it may be. Thank you for your prayers.

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I thought this was an awesome most in another forum that I frequent that is very telling with marital relationships and relationships in general.

What ____ does not understand is that the Laws of this world not only returns one’s actions — but also one’s thoughts. Which means that each person is the creator of their own illusion — and once the illusion is manifest, it becomes a Demiurge or creator of their world. Therefore, the vast majority of organic people not only worship a nature-god of their own making — but they attract back to them the fulfillment of their mindset. As an example: Women who suffer from abusive men, attract these men to them. Often, the thoughts of the women bring out the abusive nature of the men — and many of these men are different with other women.

The universe is like a reflective mirror which responds to our own thoughts, desires and actions. The viewpoint and opinions with which we see the world, is of our own making. Our own thoughts, desires and actions create our experiences and interactions with others. This is the power of the illusion of the god of this world which each person must overcome.

When I got my miracle prayer answered when I started this whole spiritual journey - I just recall praying to Father… the Father….

My wife is reportedly reading the Bible now. That was a very specific prayer that I had - that has been answered.

We go to court on Friday to determine which school our daughter goes to.

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Well, had a major upset this last weekend, followed by a major victory. The details are offline in my journal.

I wanted to take a moment and document something I call prayer momentum….. you pray for something… prayer fade kicks in at some point…. whenever you give up and then… prayers may start getting answered after the fact; however and unfortunately often by that time we are too tired to notice that our prayers are being answered - they have just been delayed. I call this prayer momentum… it is a force almost as though the prayers you prayed 2-3 years ago, start to kick in awhile later, but you forgot what you prayed for 2-3 years ago.

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Well, something weird happened the other day. I have a nightly routine of praying with a pastor friend of mine and a couple other folks that I’ve begun ministering to on this walk of mine. Well, for some reason I got it put really strongly on my heart about one person in particular one night. I mean strong… I could feel this person’s pain. I had never met this person.

I prayed for this person in agreement with my brothers for 3 nights in a row. Prayers seem to have some sort of amplification effect when it is two or three people praying with all their emotion. It is a phenomenon I have noted. Emotion is key.

On the evening of the 3rd night - this same person was doing a prayer of her own. She was telling the master that she relents - she is tired of the way she has been living her life. She is in tears. On her knees (sounds like me in regards to prayers for my wife sometimes).

She calls my pastor friend the next day asking to be picked up - she is in some alley and is now ready to turn her life over to Jesus and all. It’s a start and a miracle. This gal has been popping pills for 30 years and just stops. Had her come to Jesus moment. I had mine. I think this time for me is just the period of testing that happens after the come to Jesus meeting.

Yes - I know about the linkage of Christianity to Egypt, Krishna, etc. I know about the law of attraction, new age, how to grow one’s psychic abillities, and all that fun stuff. I still have tons of questions, but what I do know is that people’s lives are being impacted for the better by this stuff in huge ways. Life was so boring before. Yes, this is painful what I am living through now, but it is yet so beautiful when you rise above it all and see the big picture.

“In complete darkness we are all the same. It is only our knowledge and wisdom that separate us. Don’t let your eyes deceive you.”

~Janet Jackson

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In my studies, I have noted a phenemonon that I shall call prayer fade. It is when you sit there and pray and pray and pray, but nothing happens and eventually you give up on your prayers and start praying for something else then one day, the original prayer gets answered out of the blue. As part of this process, I have spoken to several individuals who are or were in very similar predicamints as myself. What I have noted is that in each of these cases, the partner wishing to stick out the marriage kept praying and praying for it, but then eventually something snapped inside and they gave up. We all have our limits I suppose.

I got to thinking about this some more the other day though. I was thinking - you know.. I’m thinking about committing for the rest of my life. Then I went….. wait a second… I already did that when I got married. Doh!

Anyway, what was cool was I was weighing these thoughts out in my head and I’ll be danged - a song came on the radio about waiting it out till the world stops turning or something. I went to the convenience store awhile later thinking about this whole commitment issue, and as I was leaving the restroom - I’ll be danged - there it was - a sign saying “Commit for life”. Anyway, apparently this committment thing is a big part of having prayers answered or so I have read.

Dates. Dates. Dates. Read in the news the other day that Marylnn Monroe was found dead in her aparment or something on that same day in 1962.

8 4 1988 - The day my favorite dog died. His name was Max. Rest in peace Max.
11 11 1994 Great Day!
12 4 1994 Great Day!
10 4 2002 - Great Day!
8 4 2006 - Bad day
8 4 2008 - Bad day

All of the above are dates of significance to me. Perhaps one day I will tell more about some of them. As I zoom out from Max’s death, I remember that day in 1988 oh so clear. It doesn’t seem as significant as now as it did at the time. I was in disbelief that Max was gone. It can’t be. I recall praying for days. I recall blaming myself. I should have gotten up earlier that morning.

My dog Katy had died just a couple months before on May 20. I had left her in the car because she refused to come out of the car. I couldn’t speak for days after Katy died - nothing would come out - would just get this huge sinking feeling in my chest. I recall the shock hitting me after realizing what had happened with Katy. It was like someone had gently taken a sledgehammer to my groin area. My dad got out the air compressor to try and revive her. It was one of his favorite dogs too. I recall looking at him as he tried to revive the dog with an air compressor. I knew he knew it wouldn’t work, yet it seemed that he did it anyway just to carry on hope. Not giving up without a fight I guess. That was the way it felt the day my wife moved out.

I recall my brother, my dad, and I at the grave site for Max. We had just buried Katy a few months earlier. Her chain slightly rusting around the cross we had put up for her. Now it was Max’s turn. All of us sitting around this pet cemetary of sorts in tears. Praying. Perhaps Katy’s death stopped me from leaving my own child in the car on accident. Who knows.

I have some more positive news about this last Sunday that I can’t share here. Perhaps in due time. Right now it is recorded offline in my journals. I am becoming more hopeful. I feel that we may have some battles in the short term, but am getting more and more confident about the long term. Perhaps the air compressor will work this time before my prayers fade into the distance of my mind.

Katy and Max - gone, but not forgotten.

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I did some exploration last night. Got out of Dodge for a bit. Had to do some more thinking I guess. Anyway, got to thinking about defining what a happy relationship is. I mean, I thought we had one (obviously not), but now I am trying to understand what that means.

A happy relationship? I guess people define it differently. I had defined it as intimacy - being able to share your most intimate of intimates without fear of judgement. Now why is that? I don’t know honestly.

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Got this in email this morning. Amen!

THE BIKER and GOD

A biker was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky
clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, “Because
you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one
wish.”

The biker pulled over and said, “Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride
over any time I want.”

The Lord said, “Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous
challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach
the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will
nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard
for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more
time and think of something that would honor and glorify me.”

The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, “Lord, I
wish that I could understand my wife. I want to know how she feels
inside, what she’s thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why
she cries, what she means when she says nothing is wrong, and how I can
make a woman truly happy.”

PAUSE

The Lord replied, “You want two lanes or four on that bridge?

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Hi. I’m Shohn. That is pronounced “Shawn”. Yes, it is different. That is perhaps why I am different. I’m convinced of this. Something to do with spelling perhaps. Well, this is my first chain letter. Normally I delete these things - there is a public service announcement at the end of this though. I started reading some chain letters recently though. Some really special ones out there. They touch my heart sometimes, maybe this one you should read. It is personal. Besides, with a name spelled like that……

My hope and prayer is that something good will come out of this letter and perhaps even a miracle for a few other folks out there and just maybe …. just maybe….even my family.

You see - this is a little embarassing, but my wife and I have been having marital problems. It has been going on for a couple years. Most folks like to keep that in the closet I guess. It happens though. With a name spelled as weird as mine though, I figure the worst thing to do, is to not ask for help though even if it is embarassing.

Here is our 2 second story. We were high-school sweet hearts. We lost touch - got reconnected and everything seemed fine for several years. Now, we are on the brink of divorce. Whole family split down the middle. I’m still scratching my head. I mean I know somewhat how we got here, but I also still don’t know how we got here - know what I mean? Much of it is my fault, much of it is hers. I guess we came into this with different backgrounds. Different junk perhaps. Each bringing our own set of baggage to the table. Each blinded to differences in gender thinking or something like that and me just being so likeable and stubborn all the time. Through all of this, I do see a bigger picture though and perhaps that is what I’m trying to convey here and just maybe this message will touch some hurting couples heart or make someone’s day or even save some other family on the brink of divorce.

As of this writing, it has been 9 months we have been separated. Honestly, I never thought I’d make it this far and this is nothing compared to some folks. There are moments of light and vibe here and there, but they fade. I tell myself to be more patient. I pray more. I go through the ups and downs. I try to be her knight in shining armor, but always seem to take two steps back for each step forward. The “they” tell me to move on and get on with my life - that it is her choice, that she’s the guilty party here, but I know that ain’t the truth. I know we both made mistakes and still do. I know that in many ways we are both blinded to something bigger out there - perhaps all of us are. You know - all those words Jesus said - forgive one another - love one another - seems really simple, but perhaps not so simple when you are staring down the barrel of a divorce settlement and the possibility of the mother of your children remarrying one day and trying to figure out what is the right thing to do in those gray moral areas.

So here were are probably about to fight over a few things. I think we tell our kids not to do this. Kids - why are you fighting over that little toy. I imagine God looking down and me and my wife much the same. Somehow we forget that as we become older maybe. I always thought of having a spouse as something to where they could basically do anything and you would forgive and move forward, get help or whatever. Other folks tell me that, no, it ain’t like that. I guess that is reality or something. I look at my kiddos and wonder if ever there is anything they could do that would have me unable to love them again or to welcome them back home. I can’t think of anything right now, but perhaps there is. I know that you can’t force someone to love you or to change either, but I also believe in prayer because I’ve seen some wild stuff lately.

I know that people go through mid-life crisis now days and freak out and buy a Harley or have affairs sometimes. I read somewhere that 68% of American couples do stuff like that. 50% of our marriages fail the first time. 78% fail the second time. I think it is 83% for the third time. I guess that is just our culture. I also heard once that 80% of stats are made up on the spot. I read the stats and have learned that no matter how bad it gets, it can be undone with enough prayer - enough patience - enough something that I have yet to figure out, but I am trying as much as I know how and learning more each day. Heard about one lady that stuck it out for 13 years - waiting on her spouse to return - and he did! Those in the know say that it takes on average about two years. I see many of our churches teaching divorce recovery rather than how to rebuild. It makes part of me angry I suppose, but I also understand that is life. I don’t know why it is this way in America right now, but I thought I’d remind a few of you that it wasn’t always that way. Go look it up. It seems like we have become a step-grandfather and step son culture and have just gotten used to it. I guess that is just how it is, but it just seems like it ain’t supposed to be that way. It seems like we somehow have forgotten some basics along the way and are just doing the best we can. It is what it is though. I don’t judge you. I just don’t want to see my family get split up. Hope you understand my sentiment at this time.

Who knows. I’m sure many of you are step fathers and step mothers and step-sons/daughters and get along just fine though. Many of you come from divorced families just like me and are even in the process of getting one maybe like me. I don’t have all the answers nor do I pretend to, but I do know something is wrong with families splitting up left and right. Perhaps that is just my viewpoint for the time being. Everybody always searching for their soul mate it seems.

Anyway, not knowing what else to do I turned to God and went on a little journey. I think I found Jesus along the way. It has been wild. I see all kinds of wacky little miracles happening around me except for within my family. I blame the little miracles and stuff on Jesus now. Some say that I am unequally yoked and move on, but it just doesn’t seem right no matter how bad it gets. Lots of people give me all kinds of excuses I can use to give up. Sometimes they sound awfully appealing, yet it just doesn’t seem right in my heart. It’s not just her. It’s the whole package. The idea of a family staying together. As we drop off the kids - rotate weekends and what not, something keeps telling me to keep going - not to give up. Not to give up on her or my family. I don’t know if I will run out of steam or what it is going to happen. Heck she may shoot me before this is all over with, but I do know that we are more so than ever on the brink of divorce.

I know that some of you reading this have been or are divorced. My parents got divorced. Their parents didn’t. It hurts, but that is life I guess. People die. People get divorced. It happens. I don’t judge you. You make the best decisions you can with the information you have at the time. That is pretty much what I’m doing now. Who knows, in 2 years time I could look up and not care about this message anymore and become one of the “they” who tells others to move on with their life. But while I am here - trapped in this prison of hope - waiting - secretly hoping for a miracle of sorts - stuck in this moment in time - I thought I would send something out to the world while the emotion is still fresh. You know how it goes. You get sucked back into life like trying to remember the best parts of the dream you just had that morning. Those feelings go away eventually. The crying stops eventually. You evolve or fall in love with someone else maybe. You tell yourself the divorce was the best thing that ever happened to you and maybe it was. I may be there one day, but not today so please be patient with me if my viewpoint seems skewed.

I watch movies all the time where two people get into a falling out, then the plot is wrapped up somehow at the end and go off to live their fairy tale ending. I don’t know how this will end. Part of me says that there will be a miracle or something because I’ve seen it so many times in my little spiritual journey, yet part of me feels like she’s gone for awhile. This is my movie. I am caught in the middle and not sure what the ending will be. I think I am writing the script as I go, but then part of me thinks it is God writing it and I’m just acting out the parts. Haven’t figured that part out yet if I ever do.

The “they” tell me that if it is God’s will then it will happen. To let her go and if she was yours - she will return. It sounds plausible, but man I get tired of hearing those phrases over and over. I know you mean well though and I also know that I may be blinded right now. That is fine. There are bigger things than me at stake here. I’m told that if I get a divorce then my kids are twice as likely to get one when they get married. I don’t want that to happen to them. Would prefer to save them that pain, but please relax - this isn’t to make you feel guilty or something.

Here I am though, stuck in the middle at the moment doing my best to become the best man that I can. Two steps forward sometimes forty backwards. Holding out as long as God keeps giving me strength. Today was the second worst day of my life. I know there are probably millions of people who had a much worse day than I did today - so I’m managing. My arms still work. I have a good job. It will be okay in the end I’m sure.

For those of you who are having marital problems and want to stick it out, I have learned a lot. I even made a web site of my experiences. Most of it is drivel, but it keeps me going. I have learned that there are resources out there to help you. Some are better than others.I have learned to try and understand your spouse better and you will know your self better. Learned about a lot of my own character flaws and especially hers (that was a joke). I’ve probably read every relationship book that I can. Prayed more hours than I care to mention. Spent more money than I care to mention trying to save this thing.

Still learning patience though, but I thought just maybe…. just maybe… if enough people started praying.. or even thinking happy thoughts if you like new age stuff, that somehow the movie will have a happy ending. If not and if nothing else - maybe someone else will because of this note. Maybe this note will make someone think twice before calling that attorney or trying to understand that your spouse is not you - and never will be.

Husbands - go tell your wife you love her or whatever she is into. Wives - he’s a man - not a superhero! Both of you - just accept each other… you won’t ever think the same. That is life.

If you want to pray for this guy and his family, send this to everyone you know or at least 7 people. His name is Shohn and her name is April so you know who you are praying for. He’s tried everything else and somehow the idea of putting a chain letter together came to him. Perhaps just pray for healing and good will towards both of us and maybe just maybe somehow putting this family back together. If you don’t want to pray for this guy and his family, that is fine. Maybe just send up a happy positive type thought though.

You may or may not get blessed - I’m not God so I don’t know. You may or may not die in 7 days, your love life may or may not be affected, and you may or may not have the worst day ever. This was my second worst day ever and probably her worst day ever. Perhaps tommorrow will be better for both us.

You don’t have to email this, but it will be really weird and miraculous if somehow she gets this one day from someone forwarding this to her and somehow our family comes back together because of this. I intentionally didn’t copy her or her family. You never know - you could be the one to do get it closer to her! So, April if you get this one day from someone you know, I’m sorry for my part of our problems and I still love you today. I don’t know how this movie will end or whether I will slip back into the dream of life and move on, but I hope that the day you get this you are having a better day, than the day I am writing this - 7/31/2008.

Mark 11:22 - my favorite passage. Go dust it off if you like.

By the way - here is the actual public service announcement - to all of you still forwarding those chain letters about Microsoft or some other company giving you $100 for forwarding- they are not real. Please delete those.

Never break the chain.

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