Glass Gloves

Marital Problems? Divorce? Get help here or somewhere before it is too late. Don’t waste time. Educate yourself. Do your homework! Be Patient.

June 27th, 2008

Expected Tea

I walked into the bedroom. Lights are off. I fumble for my glass of tea. Ahh.. there it is. I take a swig. Curious. Taken aback. This is not what I expected. It is different. I’m slightly disappointed.

In that instant, I recall my potentially soon to be ex-wife’s first concert together. It was Tool - some of the videos and songs I’ve posted throughout this blog. We met in high-school, her and I. She left. I avoided her like the plague for 7 years or so. She had burned me. Never again I had said. Even still, she had made it so that there was no way we could ever reunite. She made it an impossibility.

My friends Martial and Kim got me tickets to the Tool concert. Her and I reconnected. She chased me. I was reluctant. This girl is going to burn me again. I don’t want to get mixed up with her. She’ll make a fool out of me. She put her hands around me. Charged me a kiss for some cigarettes. I relented. I said okay - you may have your kiss. Let’s see what could exist in this possible future. I found my feelings for her never really went away. Sucked like a bug drawn irresistably to a death in the form of a light. I feel a burning sensation in my heart.

Everything happens for a reason they now tell me. Someone will come along. I remember my prayer before she came back along. I decided to start praying intensely for a woman to pursue me to be my wife. She came along a month later. Pursuing. Not her God. Anyone, but her… she made choices that made this an impossibility. I can’t accept this God. She will burn me. It is in her nature.

The Tool concert. We’re at the tool concert. I’m slightly intoxicated. How did this happen? What am I doing here? Why do I have feelings for her again? She burned me. I see her there with me. I see her differently now. Yes she burned me before, but this is a woman who would never abandon me no matter what happens. She would never turn her back on me. She will be with me till the end. We will be buried side by side together as our great grandchildren attend our funeral.

This is not what has happened. My tea tastes like diet coke. It is not what I expected. Where is my tea? Why did I expect tea and instead receive warm flat diet coke? History now repeats itself. I wonder how often has this happened. Ahh.. there’s my tea! Now, that’s what I was expecting. Soothing. I recall our first movie together. Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re going to get. It seems that rings true in not only my glass of tea, but in other things as well.

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June 27th, 2008

Wait it out?

2 years on average to restore a marriage…. we now have 1.2 years remaining in this game. I feel myself emotionally separating from her in major ways now - fighting it tooth and nail but it seems unavoidable. I don’t like it. I have fought and fought to hold onto the emotions of love, but sadly I see them failing me daily now. I pray daily, but the tears for her loss have passed. I force the emotions. I picture the whole family on some distant beach celebrating the summer. We were born in the same hospital. I’m always the “chaser” in our relationship. I chase - she leaves. I chase - she leaves. I find myself asking if I have been chasing her since birth.

Did my higher self, decide to chase her into this current existence? Was this experience planned out to the nth degree?

I no longer tremble when I pick up the children on our alternating weekends. I’m no longer afraid of whatever hearing may be arriving before the end of summer.

I find myself asking why it is that this path has been chosen for or by me. What lessons shall my consciousness, that I call me - learn? Is it patience? Even broader perspective? That which you judge is what you will be tested with? This whole site - the idea was to help others save their own marriages. What then? I have through my own power been unable to make progress in mine. I have seem only but glimpses of vibe. A glimpse of perhaps greater light.

Man = the Sun. Woman = the Moon. They reflect our light in the relationship. New spiritual law I’ve learned of. Makes sense doesn’t it?

The song below expresses the opposite of my feelings at this moment in time. If man = Sun, and woman = moon and she reflects what light I project, then what may she reflect back? What light is that? Self-confidence enough to let her go her own way or giving up? What light may then be reflected back by doing that? We shall see.

A groan of tedium escapes me, startling the fearful.
Is this a test?
It has to be. otherwise I cant go on.
Draining patience. drain vitality.
This paranoid, paralyzed vampire acts a little old.

But Im still right here, giving blood and keeping faith. and Im still right Here.

But Im still right here, giving blood and keeping faith. and Im still right Here.

Im gonna wait it out

If there were no rewards to reap, No loving embrace to see me through this tedious path Ive chosen here, I certainly wouldve walked away by now.

Im gonna wait it out

If there were no desire to heal

The damaged and broken met along this tedious path Ive chosen here,

I certainly wouldve walked away by now.

I still may. and I still may.

Be patient.

I must keep reminding myself of this…

If there were no rewards to reap,
No loving embrace to see me through this tedious path Ive chosen here,
I certainly wouldve walked away by now.
And I still may. and I still may. and I still may.

Im gonna wait it out.
Im gonna wait it out.
Gonna wait it out.
Gonna wait it out.

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June 26th, 2008

Division

In Genesis, the second day, 2, the number of division, was never declared as being good. Ever notice that?

Gen 1:1 In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.
Gen 1:2 And the earth was waste and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep: and the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters.
Gen 1:3 And God said, Let there be light: and there was light.
Gen 1:4 And God saw the light, that it was good: and God divided the light from the darkness.
Gen 1:5 And God called the light Day, and the darkness he called Night. And there was evening and there was morning, one day.
Gen 1:6 And God said, Let there be a firmament in the midst of the waters, and let it divide the waters from the waters.
Gen 1:7 And God made the firmament, and divided the waters which were under the firmament from the waters which were above the firmament: and it was so.
Gen 1:8 And God called the firmament Heaven. And there was evening and there was morning, a second day.
Gen 1:9 And God said, Let the waters under the heavens be gathered together unto one place, and let the dry land appear: and it was so.
Gen 1:10 And God called the dry land Earth; and the gathering together of the waters called he Seas: and God saw that it was good.
Gen 1:11 And God said, Let the earth put forth grass, herbs yielding seed, and fruit-trees bearing fruit after their kind, wherein is the seed thereof, upon the earth: and it was so.
Gen 1:12 And the earth brought forth grass, herbs yielding seed after their kind, and trees bearing fruit, wherein is the seed thereof, after their kind: and God saw that it was good.
Gen 1:13 And there was evening and there was morning, a third day.

Division.

I think this song acurrately captures many of my feelings after reading a story on the news about a woman caging her son, skinning parts of him, and feeding the flesh to members of her family. I imagined this happening to my own son and it has had me in tears off and on for a few days. Not sure why, but that story really got to me.

Angels on the sideline,

Puzzled and amused.
Why did Father give these humans free will?
Now they’re all confused.

Don’t these talking monkeys know that
Eden has enough to go around?
Plenty in this holy garden, silly monkeys,
Where there’s one you’re bound to divide it.
Right in two.

Angels on the sideline,
Baffled and confused.
Father blessed them all with reason.
And this is what they choose.
And this is what they choose…

Monkey killing monkey killing monkey
Over pieces of the ground.
Silly monkeys give them thumbs,
They forge a blade,
And where there’s one
they’re bound to divide it,
Right in two.
Right in two.

Monkey killing monkey killing monkey.
Over pieces of the ground.
Silly monkeys give them thumbs.
They make a club.
And beat their brother, down.
How they survive so misguided is a mystery.

Repugnant is a creature who would squander the ability to lift an eye to heaven conscious of his fleeting time here.

Cut it all right in two

Fight over the clouds, over wind, over sky
Fight over life, over blood, over prayer,
overhead and light
Fight over love, over sun,
over another, Fight…

Angels on the sideline again.
Been soon long with patience and reason.
Angels on the sideline again
Wondering when this tug of war will end.

Cut it all right in two
RIGHT IN TWO!

Right in two…

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June 19th, 2008

Demon Fighting, but Jolly Apple Lovin Trolls

So, obviously my marriage is close to death. That is okay. I expect that this is just part of the cycle of life, that this is something that must occur before it could ever be rebirthed. However, I thought I’d share something quick about some of the mistakes that others can avoid. Our pain becomes your knowledge. I had felt that due to my marriage falling apart that I had lost a lost of value in writing about this stuff. I mean really, what do I know? But, I also realized that we can learn from others’ mistakes and it doesn’t always require experiential knowledge to do so.

In my marriage rescue operation, I fell victim to something I call “back draft” resentment. I get this from the movie Back Draft. Basically, what happens is there is resentment sitting there behind the scenese from one or both parties. After you get your partner to reengage in the marriage for a bit, it could be a false sense of security because it is HIGHLY likely that the same old issues can reemerge after a period of time. Every story is different of course, but basically reader be advised if it ever got bad enough it can get that bad again.

So one partner is feeling lonely for whatever reason. They may be this way naturally, get bored with their life, feel like they haven’t accomplished anything, or perhaps even always been that way. It also happens in cycles. They call it the “7 year itch”. Whatever the reason, it doesn’t matter. If your kid decided that they hate their life, would you say… well have fun with that. Hopefully not.

Anyway, I’ve tried to draw a picture of what can happen if these relationship forces aren’t understood. In each case, try to think about the counter to these forces - the opposite of fear = confidence, etc. The drawing below is to realize, it is not either partner’s fault, but rather the reality of the system you both have been intertwined in. This is my diagram. You may have to create your own. My diagram has other relationship forces as well, but I put the biggies here to give you an idea of how to figure out what is going wrong with yours.
thecycle.PNG

Anyway, that is one point. The other is credibility. If you are reading this site, you’re probably thinking how in the world to I convince my spouse to come home literally or perhaps even figuratively if they are still living with you. Speaking from experential knowledge, it doesn’t work that way. It simply fails. Everyone knows this, yet it is so hard to put into practice when you are in the situation. Annoying teddy bear love always creating desperation cycle resulting in further damage to relationship.

To help this sound more clear, click on the following link:

http://www.runsyourcarwithwater.com/Run-Your-Car-On-Water4.aspx (45 hits)

Wait a second… you didn’t even click it right? Why not? Because it is obviously bogus. So it is when you try to promise the world to your spouse. I’ve thrown some lines out there and had a few nibbles from her, but only when I wasn’t promising the world. Only when I was being real. That of course was mixed in with a lot of anger. Anger is good. It means they still care somewhere deep down inside, but don’t want to admit it, are saving face after filing, or whatever.

At this point, all I’ve got is that she is starting to be nice after about 8 months. Apparently she had  a lot of resentment in the system to purge. I’m not sure what is going to happen next, but I’ve accepted the worst case, but hope for the best. That’s all I can do. The emotions are largely in check at this point. I still have a bit of up and down on occassion, but it doesn’t last all that long.
Lately, I’ve been practicing more on my psychic abilities, hearing the still small voice of God that is within all well most of us,  praying freakin angels and shields of light around my wife. I’m not sure whether it was those prayers, or time that all of a sudden got my wife to start acting nice. I do know that I changed my prayer style though, and I started seeing manifestations of markedly different behavior from her. We’re not together yet, and we may have another year and a half to go, but there has been a turn around. Your mileage may vary. As I pray these things, I try not to impact her choices, but merely put protective layers of light, angels, rains of light, little jolley green trolls with an addiction to jolley ranchers that like to fight off imps, or whatever… the point is to use your imagination… thought and time and space are interrelated. Like casting a pebble into a pond.  I don’t fully understand how, but I know they are now. This is from a study of science, spirituality, personal but subjective spiritual experiments, etc. over the last 6 months.
You may not be ready for this….so brace yourself. It took me about two years to figure this out, and I don’t know everything yet, but from my path this is where I’m at now. You may be further than me or behind me in your path so be careful.
Here is another thing. When praying… I’ve learned a few things here and there. It seems like you have to talk to the subconcious. It doesn’t seem to know right from wrong really, in that all evil is subjective from its perspective.

Think of it this way… Hitler, though perhaps the most evil man ever… actually in his own mind, thought he was doing the world a favor. Think about it. Yeah, I’m not saying that there aren’t people out there with pure malicious intent, but this guy Hitler says.. .I’ve got a great idea… let’s advance humanity and stop all this poverty and disease stuff… but how? Well, his “how” was sickening to folks like you and me obviously, but you get the point? Yes, our “egos” allow him to be considered evil, and no doubt about it from the concious point of view, but the subconcious… is different as I understand it so far. The weird thing, as I understand it.. the subconcious is what connects us to waht we call God.  You know… have you ever had one of those feelings or prayers that you just “knew” would be answered? How? Was it a thought or an emotion? Think about it. Did you picture somethign and so strongly believe in it that it happened?
Subjective evil… there are many cultures around the world where having multiple wives is what all the cool kids are doing, so don’t be so quick to judge others when you by either chance or providence were placed into your probable middle class Western culture body - given that you have Internet access, a computer, Bible, etc.  Yes, that was out there but it  will  hopefully get you in the right frame of mind for praying.

Anyway, what I’ve learned is to try and picture things that generate emotions and use them consistently, then sort of speak it into existence. Then you ask the Father.. you know .. the one that is within all of us, and is part of everything… the carnal mind may call Him, Yahweh, or other names… that is worshiping a being. I’m starting to discover, that there is a much much bigger picture than that.. and the sad thing is, this paragraph will make absolutely no sense to you if you haven’t read or experienced enough to know what I’m talking about. I’d venture a guess that I’ve probably read upwards of 10,000 pages on spirituality, religion, and scripture this year alone.  When I don’t have time to read, I listen to audio and use text to speech.  As part of that process, a bigger picture starts to emerge that sadly I can’t condense into one paragraph nor are many prepared to accept. Some people just know what I think I’ve found though, almost instinctively. The sad thing is, we all do, but then something gets in the way. Ourselves. Our egos. The illusion that we are separated from God.
In any case, If you are doing this right, you will likely feel what I now call energy surges. Those are my experiences though. Yours WILL be different by virtue of your own path and relationship with God. These things are very intense for me now. My whole body starts tingling and stuff, and that’s when I know I’m in the “prayer zone”.  Evidently, I don’t have enough “power” to transport my wife back home… but I can respect her choices at this time for her to go through what she needs to go through as part of her own path.  Make sense? Baaaaahhh….  love is not forceful.  Whatever.

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June 18th, 2008

Vacuum

“Got an Issue, here’s a tissue….” Austin Power’s Father retort to Austin Power’s desire to have a relationship with his father.

I read about an interesting culture the other day.  Apparently, in Hawaii… around the time that Mr. Cook “discovered” those wonderful islands, there was a bit of an interesting relationship dynamic.

As I understand it, in this case, when children were born they were raise as part of a community of mother’s an father’s. Therefore, if one’s actual mother or father passed away - there wasn’t a major traumatic event in their lives.  Seems a little strange, yet somehow genius.

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June 15th, 2008

Blessing Today

Well, I received a major blessing today. Thank you Jesus! I can say this much, I have been praying MAJOR blessings on the (potentially soon to be ex-wife) PSTBEW off in spiritual space. I’ve altered my prayer technique to imagine light shields and angels and stuff fighting off evil forces from the PSTBEW even if we don’t get back together. They are very emotional prayers, and it is very hard to make sure my heart is in the right place. Sometimes, I found myself praying for blessings yet still secretly hoping that the Lord would shake her up a bit to wake her up. Would have to start the prayer over until my heart was right.

 

I won’t go into the details, but I feel peace because of this blessing. Once again, thank you Yeshua!

 

The details have been recorded offline in my personal journal. I may share one day when it is more appropriate.

 

Also, darkness before light. New spiritual rule I’ve learned. Always dark before dawn. The world moves in cycles - that includes relationships just in as much as there are physical laws to govern the motion of a baseball thrown into the air. I don’t yet understand the purpose in all this, but I know that evil also propels good. It is a fundamental spiritual law.

 

 

 

 

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June 14th, 2008

Wisdom from TheHealingRock

So I’ve long wondered a few things.

 

Awhile back, I was taught that I can’t uncover her nakedness - her sin. I made that mistake pretty hard core before. Now though, another “spiritual” rule that I don’t yet understand has come to the front.

 

Unforgiveness ALWAYS protects the abuser. ALWAYS.

 

Someone told me that “You must admit that she has done you wrong”. Unforgiveness ALWAYS protects the abuser. It takes two to tango, and I know you weren’t innocent, but you are being setup by the enemy.

 

Admit that she has done me wrong. What? That is new. Admit it. I had written it down. I’ve been so masking her nakedness, that perhaps I’ve been in denial about what has happened and been unable to forgive due to that denial without even knowing it, hence blocking my prayers.

 

Admit it. The words bounce around in my head. Admit it. Admit that you have been done wrong. Admit it. Can I? Is she no longer my perfect angel clothed with white as pure as the driven snow? Admit it?

 

I’m struggling with how best to do this, since words have power. Perhaps I will speak unto the Master of my feelings in the prayer closet that is my soul.

 

 

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June 14th, 2008

Almost only Counts in Hand Grenades and Horse Shoes

Jesus said something about …. well at least it was translated as: Be ye, therefore perfect.

What? You want me to be perfect? Clearly this Jesus cat was delusional if he knew me.

Then there is the ever famous:

Rev 21:8  But for the fearful, and unbelieving, and abominable, and murderers, and fornicators, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, their part shall be in the lake that burneth with fire and brimstone; which is the second death. 

 

Wait a second… I get a nice big flashing neon sign that says “ACCESS GRANTED” to the lake of fire that burneth with fire and brimstone…. if I …lie… fornicate…. or am fearful? Come on…. surely idolators and sorcereres, but fearful? And fornicating is so much fun! Gee whiz - and how come he doesn’t mention anything about obeying one’s parents specifically or hint hint hint adulterizing by remarrying - don’t even think about dating my soon to be ex-wife or you’ll BURN IN HELL. Righto - that might win her heart back. I wonder if I should put that in singing telegram and send it to her…. Imagine a guy dressed in a pink tutu with a little funky hat singing…. WIFE come back home cause the BIBLE says you will burn in HELL if you don’t. Yes, I’m saying this tongue in cheek, but don’t we do this to others or have seen others do this?

 

Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life. If you don’t confess Jesus, you will BURN in HELL - phrase sometimes overheard at a taiwanese barber ship with visiting religious chick whose got it all together.

 

I imagine Jesus saying something like, I’m not sure if I appreciate your rather creative restatement of what I actually said, but okay.

 

I just lost the audience. Hold on. I take it back…. it’s okay… just say you’re sorry… after all you’re forgiven, come back to church.

 

 

Feel free to rape the horses and pillage the women, and then beg for forgiveness when you’re done.

 

 

Really, that whole lake of fire thing… well it’s a metaphor for something and I suspect it isn’t quite what we’ve been seeing on the discovery channel lately. So… I looked it up of course. Your mileage may vary. Do your own homework, as I’m not responsible if you do… lie, fornicate, or commit adultery by remarrying and consequently wind up in a nice lake of fire that burns with sulpher. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

 

 

Anway, I looked up sulphur… it was a purifying agent in ancient times. Now why on earth, would there be fire and sulphur for purification? Is it to eradicate the soul or the sin or both or send them to BURN IN HELL FOREVER AND EVER making what we call a loving God into a terrorist infinitely worse than Osama Bin Laden. What does your heart tell you?

 

You tell me. I mean, how is it that the lake of fire isn’t considered a metaphor, yet the dragon and beast is in Revelation? This is literal, that is metaliteral, and that is metaphysical and not meant to be taken literal… what? If I may….. let’s quote from the Monty Python’s Life of Bryan… a satirical overview of our own stupidity sometimes about scripture and in this case.. Jesus’ sermon on the mount.

 

Jesus talking in the distance…..blessed are the meek.. blessed are the….

 

Crowd Member A: What did he say? Blessed are the cheesemakers?

 

Crowd Member B: He said blessed are the cheesemakers…

 

Crowd Member C: Well, that doesn’t mean literally makers of cheese, but rather refers figuratively to all processors of dairy products.

 

 

How is this relevant?

 

Well, I almost got sucked into something last night. I guess it was my time of testing in the wilderness, though it certainly wasn’t 40 days.

 

What I can say is this… you can believe what I say or you can chalk it up to nonsense, but I’ve got a story that for you that may help to work out a lot of your theological challenges. While I’ve been bored, I’ve started to meet new folks in my town and what not. Anyway, last night I got tempted into some carnal delights. Ruler of this world always trying to bring me down. Danger Wil Robison! Anyway, right on time as the desires of the this contraption I call a body were starting to weigh in… guess what…. butterfly synchronicity motif emerged like crazy. I had written about this awhile back, but I’m talking about it was everywhere….. in a span of an hour - over and over and over. It freaked me out a little.

 

 

I thought I would share an alternate viewpoint from another journeyman that I found that seems to help me reconcile many of the events in my life such as what I described in the last paragraph.

 

 

There lived in a beautiful garden large numbers of a particular creature who crawled about, eating the vegetation, perceiving themselves on the one hand as being superior to all the other creatures in the garden and yet on the other hand perceiving themselves as lowly, wretched and unworthy of being loved. They had many mythologies and squabbled endlessly about whose mythology was the only right one and this caused many rifts, divisions and schisms between them.

 
One day, a beautiful butterfly came into their presence, soaring in the sunlight, reflecting magnificent rainbow-colours from his wings; so much so that he was seen as the Light of the World. Wherever he went he attracted followers, who marvelled at his magnificence and the wonders he performed in their midst. He spoke in a way they had never heard before. He told them that not only was he the light but that they also were the light; that the wonders he performed, they also would perform – and even greater things - if only they could believe; that he was their brother and that they also were, in reality, beautiful butterflies, capable of soaring in the light and creating magnificent rainbow effects; that they need not concern themselves with all their mythologies and divisions and they would find all that would entirely suffice them was to love the Creator and to love each other as much as they loved themselves.

 

Many believed what he said but many others scoffed at his words. The scoffers said among themselves, ‘He says he is our brother but it is evident there is nothing remotely similar between him and us; he has only 6 legs and two wings and lives on ambrosia whereas we have many legs, no wings and eat the vegetation. Clearly he is off his head and has no idea what he is talking about.’

 

Even those who believed him didn’t fully understand him and instead perceived him and worshipped him as a God, saying they were still lowly, wretched and unworthy of being loved and he was high and exalted and eternally beyond anything they could ever be; after all, he had wings of glory on which he soared in the sunlight and only 6 legs and lived on ambrosia, whereas they had many legs and could only crawl about and eat the vegetation in the beautiful garden.

 

Nevertheless, he told them that if they could imagine the things he told them were like bread and the love that he outpoured upon them was like wine, they could imbibe this as sustenance at a higher level of vibration than the vegetation they believed was their source of life and nourishment. This would then enable them to perceive themselves as they saw him and the higher vibration would transform them, from their own within, into magnificent, soaring butterflies also. He also shared with them another analogy to help them grasp this enlightened perception: that he was as a vine, tended in the garden by the good husbandman and that if they could imagine themselves as being branches in the vine, they could draw their uplifting life energy through him and that this would enable them to find fulfilment of their glorious, radiant potential.

 

Many did as he said but because the light of their inner discernment was dim, they were only able to follow his guiding as an outward ritual. Only very few were able to perceive the spiritual reality hidden within his stories. Those who did went by themselves, or perhaps with one or two of their closest, most trustworthy friends, into a secret place, away from the clamour of the world around them, wherein they contemplated his words deeply within their hearts and minds - just as he had counselled them - and gave thanks for all the wondrous gifts he had brought into their lives. In the silence of their own within they received the enlightenment he had promised that was sustenance for their souls and this helped them to perceive themselves just he had said they would.

 

Those who were only able to perceive his words at an outer, ritualistic level began to quarrel amongst themselves as to who was the greatest among them, or whose interpretation of his words was the most accurate and to create ever greater numbers of rules and doctrines about these interpretations, even though the butterfly had plainly said there were only two ‘rules.’ This caused further divisions between them. Some broke away from the group structure that had been established in his name because they said that group no longer truly represented him and his teaching and was full of corruption and self-serving. In time there arose squabbling even within the breakaway groups, causing even further divisions. All these groups and the breakaway groups called themselves the ‘This’ denomination or the ‘That’ denomination and even though their holy writings told them that their Creator had called them by their names, all these breakaway groups had chosen to de-nominate themselves.

 

All the squabbling over who was right and who was wrong in their understanding of the butterfly’s wisdom caused many of the creatures - who had at first enthusiastically joined the groups set-up in his name because the stories about him seemed so resonant with their hearts and souls – to become disillusioned with the groups and they stopped attending the group meetings.

 

Some of those who stopped attending decided that the whole story could not be true and went back to eating the vegetation and even any old, decaying matter they found in the garden, embracing any elaborate theories placed before them by those who told them that they had a better idea than the butterfly (or those who claimed to be representing him). This led to more and more confusion in the garden and more and more division among the creatures.

 

Those who had never believed the butterfly (or the groups who claimed to be representing him) said to those who had left the representative groups, or who moved from one group to another, vainly seeking a more perfect representation of the butterfly, ‘We told you so; it was all too far fetched to be plausible in the first place.’

 
But those few who were able to see past the imagery of the butterfly’s stories, to the truth they contained, and followed his advice to enter alone, or in groups of only 2 or 3, into a secret place and there to attune with him and he would be there in the midst with them, found that his words took on a level of meaning that brought his wisdom into a new dimension of reality for them. This enabled them, in their own inner perception, individually, to enter into a place of being just as he had described. There, they found an inward peace, joy, love and tranquillity and spiritual illumination of the eternal realities, about which the butterfly had spoken, that was far, far beyond anything to be found in the groups who had de-nominated themselves.

 

***

 

Of course we all know what happens to caterpillars. They eventually stop eating the vegetation, enter alone into a secret place, away from the clamour of the world around them and there, in the solitariness of their own within, recreate themselves in the image and likeness of the Butterfly. Then they emerge and soar magnificently in the sunshine, reflect glorious rainbow colours for all to see and ‘live off ambrosia,’ giving thanks, by their very beauty, to the Creator for the joy and wonder of Life.

***

This allegory of the Life of Humanity indicates that the spiritual evolution of mankind is not yet complete, other than for a precious few, who long ago entered into their secret place, just as the Master counselled. However, we are now in the most exciting moment in the history of humanity, when the critical mass is approaching of those who have entered in and are recreating themselves from the Within into the Without into glorious, fully spiritualised, soaring Beings of the Light.

 

Those who have faithfully followed Jesus of Nazareth through the many denominational church institutions see these realities from the perspective as presented to them by those institutions. These closely formatted and structured forms of words suit those institutions, who maintain a rigid and tightly controlled set of dogmas and doctrines based on Scriptures that have been altered many times, by people with their own agendas, over the millennia since Jesus walked the Earth (for example, reincarnation as a belief system was removed from Church Canon in 553 CE at the Second Council of Constantinople by the then Christian Church authorities. There have been numerous other additions, deletions and amendments before and since, which, in combination, have drastically altered much of the message of Jesus as presented by scripture and the religious denominations established in his name).

 

Yet Jesus wasn’t rigid in the way he spoke of the things of the Kingdom. He constantly spoke in parables – allegories – which he knew would be interpreted by each individual according to the place each individual was on the path of Eternal Spiritual Progress and that is just as he intended it because that is the nature of parables or allegories and it served his objectives well to teach in this manner. Any individual who is sincere in his commitment to spiritual truth will undergo an evolutionary process in his perception of the meaning of any of these parables during a lifetime. This clearly indicates that to have rigid dogmas and doctrines on any aspect of Truth or the teachings of the Master Jesus is of the intellect, not of the soul perception and is not serviceable to the spiritual evolution of the soul of the individual, from its own within, where it makes its connections with the Creator, in whose image and likeness each soul is created. As St. Paul puts it: ‘Not that we are sufficient of ourselves to think any thing as of ourselves; but our sufficiency is of God; Who also hath made us able ministers of the new testament; not of the letter, but of the spirit: for the letter killeth, but the spirit giveth life. 2Cor 3:5-6.

 

Jesus was unequivocal about entering alone into the ‘closet’ for communion with the ‘Father’ and that when 2 or 3 were gathered in his (Jesus’) name he would be there in the midst with them. It is in the interest of many religious institutions to promote the perception that congregations should be as large as possible, for pecuniary and doctrinal reasons; but when an individual within such a congregation becomes drawn by the Spirit within to enter alone into his closet and there ponder sincerely and earnestly the mystical dimensions of life, he will begin to receive illumination direct from the Source of All. Such a seeker will experience there a peace and joy not of this Earth and will awaken to eternal realities that will place him in the perception that the congregational churches are no longer able to be the source or channel of his spiritual sustenance because he will have outgrown them. He will also find that they will have no desire to hear of his inward, mystical experiences.

 

Jesus was also unequivocal that we are (all) the light of the world and that the things he did, we – if only we can believe – will do also, and greater things. He came to remind us of this eternal truth and to demonstrate it, so that we would have a living example of the magnificence of the human spirit to follow and emulate.

 

It is inevitable that this will happen eventually to us all because that is our fundamental, essential nature, having been created in the image and likeness of the Creator. While some state that we are all god, the truth is more perfectly stated when we say we are all a part of God; that within us is a spark of God’s Consciousness that was given to us at creation. It is only a matter of when, rather than if, that we move back into full awareness of that. We are all at free choice to begin to make that journey at any time, including right NOW.

 

In writing the story of one’s own experiences one is open to allegations of arrogance, vivid imagination and bias. There will be those amongst the readers of this story who will say this is an affront to Christianity. There are those (and I have already received hundreds of messages to this effect) who will say this has opened their eyes to a greater truth about Jesus of Nazareth, who have been searching for some more realistic, meaningful representation of who he really is than has been portrayed by orthodox religion for centuries. There will be others who cannot decide.

 

Into whichever category you fall, I ask of you 2 things: 1) Please listen to your heart and your feelings as you read. Your heart and your feelings are your soul speaking, communicating with you. If your heart and soul resonate with this story, you will feel good about it. Some may find that they feel good about some parts of the story and not so good about other parts. 2) Please read the whole story before casting judgment.

 

You can read the rest of his story under MSN groups - Mysticism 101 - Synchroncity. Good luck. I post it here, because it seems to line up with where I think I’m headed spiritually and many of the observable phenomenon in my own life.

 

 

 

 

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June 11th, 2008

Don’t take it Personal

Received some wisdom from an elderly pagan gal tonight. Yup. Pagan. She was nice. Her words were “Don’t take anything personal”. I liked it. I remember telling that to my high-school basketball coach after he had apologized for some unchoice words…. “Coach, I don’t take it personal”. I remember him stopping and looking shocked. I forgot those words from my 17 year old self. Don’t take it personal. That may be the solution to verbal volleyball.

It gets better.  Yes, I am analytical. Have been for most of my life, but then there are certain intuitive higher levels of thinking that words just can’t express. Analytical is good for some things. I’ve dissected and dissected the scriptures to no end. I’ve now decided that theology is largely irrelevant. The ironic part is that I couldn’t have come to that conclusion without having first gone through the exercise of dissecting and ripping apart everything I thought I knew or didn’t know. In the end, was the effort a waste? I don’t think so.. then end of the road was to discover the spiritual nature of the scriptures wrapped in a historical framework. Man decided to add some doctrines while he was at it.

What does matter, is the Way! Walk humbly with your God, in peace, gentleness, and blast the odd pharisee here and there if you’ve got mad mind readin skills like Jesus maybe. Still learning, but gee whiz.. 2 years of studing Bible in and out every day to realize that the message is just be pure, do the right thing, humble, love, and blast religious spirits. I’m still not sure about the latter part. Basically, this is what it takes to restore the marriage. Now though, it is no longer for me. I find myself asking… who is this for? Is this for God? For her? For my kids? Is it so I can have victory? Is it truly out of love or is it that I want what I can’t have right now? We have about 60 days left give or take before the divorce can be final. I’ve actually quit worrying about it for a couple weeks now. It gets easier day by day. Whatever will happen, will happen. We make the best decisions we can with the infomration we have at the time. My people perish for lack of knowledge.

 

I went to a bar and drank root beer of all things tonight. Root beer. What the….? I didn’t even want a beer. Had no desire for it. So… no meat for a few weeks now, no beer, what next…no more pop-corn? I’ve been working on conscious efforts to control my emotions through the “Sedona” process and it seems to be working. Same thing as what Paul said about making our thoughts obedient to Christ.

Anyway, I liked this piece below:
Analytical thinking,
which divides and dissects,
does not satisfy the needs
of the spirit,
for the spirit finds peace
in unity,
which exists only
in emptiness,
where thinking has no influence.
To step into the realm of the spirit
is to abandon thinking.
Can you step over the precipice,
not knowing what is below?
Life starts this way.
(The Tao is Tao, 17)

Explanation and comment
It is shocking what the poem says in the first four lines, isn’t it? In a world dominated by the intellect, very few dare to think that our intellect is the source of our misery. But it is so true, isn’t it? Our thinking tends to separate us from everything else. We are trained in formal education to classify and categorize all things. We first divide them into organic and inorganic categories, then are taught to “identify” and “name” them. Of course this is necessary, and I am not arguing here that children should not learn to see the difference between things. The ability to identify is essential to our survival. It would be irresponsible, though, not to point out a problem that is created on a spiritual level.

The youth are taught to believe that these differences are real and not just their intellectual effort to understand the world. They start believing that the world defined and separated by their intellects is the real world. Many education systems still lag behind the scientific realization that the world is in reality an ecological and organic totality of inseparable parts functioning in an indivisible network. Our division of the world, and our separation from the rest of the world, is in fact an intellectual exercise - it is the product of our thinking. It is not real.

These divisive patterns of thinking on a materialistic level has invaded our spiritual world too. With catastrophic results for our spiritual well-being.

What the poem is saying is that this intellectual division does not satisfy our spirit. It leaves us lonely and isolated. Even though our intellect tends to separate us from the rest, our spirit is desperately searching for peace in unity. Much of our dissatisfaction and unrest in spite of material well-being can be attributed to this. Our spirit is starving in a society satiated with divisive intellectuality and materialism.
One could also describe this process of separation in psychological terms. We are encouraged by our education system to create our own inflated idea of self or “I” in this world. Most people tend to devote their lives to their own invention of a fictional “I”, using material means to prove that their illusions are real. They would think, “I am great. I am cleverer than the rest and therefore more successful.” They would then spend their lives trying to prove this to themselves and the rest of the world. This “proof” would often take the form of competitiveness and material possession. “Look at me. I have a huge mansion, more beautiful than yours, a bank full of money, and a beautiful wife to match. I am a major shareholder in Exploitation Ltd. Wow! I am superior to you. What I think I am is real. I am the greatest.” Do you think people cannot be this naive? You are in for a surprise. They are. Maybe you have also fallen, even if it is to a lesser degree, for this form of “junk thinking”.

The sad result of this form of dedication to “I” is that people separate themselves from their fellow beings. Exploitation, often accompanied by destruction and cruelty, become respectable. In spite of their “success”, people embracing this life style remain dissatisfied, for they have not really begun to understand that the spirit needs unity, not separation.

“I” is the most divisive and destructive concept ever invented by thinking. The poem clearly points out that peace can only be found after you have accepted that you are empty, that “I” is fiction and only exists in your overheated mind. Getting rid of the ego is essential before you can find the kind of unity that will bring you true peace of mind. In a way, you have to ignore your own analytical forms of thinking before you can come into contact with your true self and establish harmony with others.

The last stanza of the poem comes to a profound conclusion: You must abandon analytical thinking if you want to enter the world of the spirit. To a generation who have been trained into mainly analytical, divisive thought patterns in an education system focusing mainly on materialist gain, taking this “irrational” step would be difficult if not impossible.
It is like stepping over a precipice, not knowing what is below. It is almost like forcing that most revered of all faculties to the modern world, the intellect, to commit suicide. Yet, there is no other way. You need to be courageous, and you need faith. But it is the only way. We have seen what destruction our focus on our intellect, our ego and materialism has brought to the world, and how lonely and desperate the human being has become in the process. The only cure is to abandon thinking and step over the precipice, and to come into contact with your spiritual being, which is an indivisible part of the rest of your being.
 

As the poem so clearly states: Life, true life - a life of harmony and true spiritual satisfaction - starts this way.

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June 9th, 2008

Top 10 Things that have outlasted my marriage!

Maybe this could be put on the Letterman show….. the top 10 things that have outlasted my marriage.

 

 

1.) Worn out consulting T-shirt I picked up as a recruiters hand out in college.

2.) My wallet I have had since I was 18.. wow… it even has staples to keep it together now. Sound familiar?

3.) My College Ring… I still can’t find that thing, but I it is either around the house somewhere or in a pawn shop!

4.) My belly button lint collection.. haha just kidding.

5.) My woolen trench coat that I used to wear in high-school while dating this gal…

6.) Many of my books that I have had since I was a boy!

7.) My E.T. the extraterrestiel doll that I share with children. I’ve had it since I was 5. Now they get to share it!

8.) My first shotgun! I’ve had that thing since I was in 4th grade…. ssssshhhhhh sshhhhhhh don’t tell CPS.

9.) Some of my socks.

10.) My first guitar! I still have that bad boy.

 

Heck, even my driver’s license photo out lived my marriage, if you can believe that! I still can’t  believe I used to have long hair!

 

Seriously folks.. I think it is really done this time at least from a legal perspective. I mean the odds are totally stacked against me. I’m going to keep praying, but we shall see what fireworks soon ensue.

 

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