An article came into my inbox today, that I thought one excerpt was definitely relative to marital problem type situations. I’ve cut out the relevant portion below:
———– Excerpt
Bemidbar [Numbers] 11:1
1 And the people were as murmurers, speaking evil in the ears of YHWH; and when YHWH heard it, his anger was kindled; and the fire of YHWH burnt among them, and devoured in the uttermost part of the camp.
No one can speak evil in the hearing of YHWH and expect to be immune; and sometimes this evil speaking also affects those in close proximity. So, if you are aware of an evil speaker (lashon hara), then you had better speak up and put an end to the evil speaking; and if the evil speaker continues, then it might just be wise to put as much distance between you and the evil speaker as possible.
But what is lashon hara or evil speaking? It is defaming another person in the eyes of others. If what is being said reduces the esteem of one person in the eyes of another, then YHWH’s anger will be kindled against the person so doing this evil deed.
I have seen instances where the person so guilty of this evil speaking began experiencing the discipline of YHWH for this type of evil. But he had so convinced himself of his own rightness, that he was not able to repent; for he felt so justified in attempting to destroy the other person, that he could not see his own sin. The end result was his being totally consumed by His anger. This would not be necessary if the person would have just seen his own sin for what it was, and repented before YHWH and man!
———– Excerpt
Shohn’s comments begin–
The struggle with the above comment is that all too often in the marriage relationship - BOTH parties are guilty of the sin listed above. I know I have been for sure. I get frustrated and say something out loud that I shouldn’t.
How then is a pair of separated or struggling spouses to gain repentance and hopefully rebuild their marriage?
The excerpt above may relate to what James was talking about as far as “guarding the tongue”. Again, I don’t have all the answers but I suspect at this time in my walk that basically whenever we speak evil of someone it literally comes back to haunt us in THIS life even if no one is around to hear. Not trying to go all zen buddhist, but i think you get the idea. As I understand it - the Jews believed that literally evil words would come back and get you - like some sort of karma thing.
Lesson here is to be careful if I’m understanding this stuff right. I’ve gone through and tried to think of everything anyone has ever said anything bad about my wife, my marriage, etc. and especially things hat I may have said bad about ANYONE and repented of it and asked for intercessory forgiveness for them and me - you know - poured out Jesus’ blood in prayer and what not on it and asked God to remove such curses if they were present. It sounds a bit like prosperity Gospel, but it also seems to be a theme in the Bible so it makes sense to me.
Anyway, after doing this it seemed to help some with my wife’s heart condition and my own - your mileage may vary! One of those things that just seems like a general biblical principal - not really having much to do with salvation, but rather a standard for good living (James 5:16). I imagine that there is some of this going on on the other side of the fence as well as we are still human, so perhaps as a husband we have the right to repent in prayer on our wives (or husbands) behalf if she or anyone else you know has done any of this stuff. We all do this of course, but if memory serves there were literal curses on Israel for evil words, James spoke about it, and also Israel was supposed to be an example for the rest of us - therefore it seems logical that such curses could apply to us in this life if the blood of our Savior hasn’t been poured out on them to wash them away.
You know - the blood of the lamb spilled on the door posts protected the Israelites from the judgment that would have resulted in death to all the first born sons in the homes of those who weren’t protected by the blood. This occurred while the Israelites were hanging out in Egypt (which means crucible) in a state of slavery. Wheew.. long sentence that was!
The blood of the innocent and unblemished lamb was poured on the upright door posts (remind you of anything?) leading into the home (place of safety) and protecting one from death and judgment. Is our God poetic or what?
Here’s where this thought process gets interesting. I remember the quote from Paul about loving our wives like Christ loved the church. I’ve thought about this - not only did He die for them - but He also bore our sins (scape goat style - Old testament) and by analogy perhaps that is what we’re called to do for our wives to the degree that we can. There may be a reverse role as well, but I’m still thinking about that part. Not trying to go all chauvinistic - yes we are equals, but simply have different roles. I can no more be a mother than she can be a father. Not saying that it can’t be done, but rather the pieces just don’t fit as well.
I’m thinking that in many ways, perhaps that could be some of our role as husband though - baring sins of our wives - asking Jesus to intercede for both of our mistakes. Now I know there is plenty of scripture to say that each person is responsible for their own sin, but at the same time there are things that say that we become one flesh with our spouses (not spirit). It just seems like the rules are slightly different for spouses.
Remember, woman took the first bite from that forbidden fruit and man went along with it…… and…….he………. pointed the blame squarely on her lap…. oops….. perhaps he should have pointed at himself instead for going along with it. He violated God’s commands and it was irrelevant what she had done - that’s God’s business not ours, but that doesn’t mean we can’t put up intercessory prayer for such things.
Solomon himself said something about there not even being 1 in 1000 women that were “good”, but he had 800 wives or something so he either never figured them out or maybe he really had something there hah - I jest. I’m not saying women are evil, just that I suspect that God almost designed the very differences in women and men to be such a struggle that on some levels it becomes a direct parallel and model for us to understand His relationship to Israel - the church, etc. and that’s probably why we’re supposed to stick it out. It doesn’t seem to get better if ever without a LOT of pain sometimes and I know plenty of couples that have proven this. Make sense?
IF we trust Him, we obey Him - IF she trust Us - our modern Bible beating wives would actually WANT to voluntarily submit to us or something like that. Why is there no trust sometimes? I think it happens when we don’t obey Him out of love or perhaps are ignorant to His word.
The problem is that His definition of love and ours is slightly different and man does it hurt to be without one’s wife. I’m now calling this pain and love - teddy bear love. The reality is that it is in a way a selfish form of love. Not sure what to do about it though!
Paul’s grand speech on love in 1 Corinthians 14 (I think) -used the Greek word agape - which is typically poorly understood in English speaking circles. I think it may give us some insight into what He felt like when the Israelites decided to make a nice golden calf after all that He had done for them. Either way though, as I understand it - women really value sacrificial love while still maintaining strength of character. Sometimes hard to balance eh?
The question then becomes…. is this marital pain discipline - and if so - what is the purpose? Or have we simply left some doors open in our lives for the enemy to slip in? I think it is a mix of both personally. I guess it just seems like everyone loves quoting John 3:16 now a days, but seems to have forgotten the principles and commands. Reminds me of me a few years ago so what do I know - His grace alone brought me to Him. One other thing I was thinking about though… grace and mercy seem to occur before judgment.
I’m starting to think of grace in a similar capacity to that of a child being given warning shortly before a spanking and the following reconciliation cycle if present.
Now if I could only put 1% of this into practice, we’d be golden!
Done ramblin…. - Love ya all - have a blessed Passover and Resurrection day!
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