Glass Gloves

Marital Problems? Divorce? Get help here or somewhere before it is too late. Don’t waste time. Educate yourself. Do your homework! Be Patient.

February 24th, 2007

Total Annihilation of Commonalities

Warning blatant Rambling about to ensue!

Back when I had more time, I used to play a computer game called Total Annihilation (90 hits). The game basically simulates a real time futuristic battle and consists of both strategy and tactics. This one friend of mine would team up with me to battle the computer. One neat thing about this game is that after you and a team-mate beat the computer , you both can decide to battle each each other.

My team mate and I were both fighting a common enemy (the computer AI) and until the enemy was defeated we both got along in the game just fine - then invariably that faint “hint of glory” would hit our eyes. We’d yearn for the destruction of the forces that were previously allied against the computer enemy. He’d look at me - “shohn - what are you going to do” - “shohn” - “shohn” - I was lost trying to decide whether it was worth pressing the “break alliance” button. With one click of a button, my forces would start firing upon his base. If I pulled the trigger first, my odds would increase of winning. I had made the habit of building “big bertha” cannons (108 hits) that could fire one heck of an artillery shell nearly all the way across the battle field. If I hit the break alliance button, in a matter of about 30 seconds (big berthas are slow, inaccurate, but powerful) they would turn to fire into my friend’s base. If they hit his power supplies - I could cripple his defenses for a bit and get the upper hand. “shohn - what are you going to do”. Click - Immediately 10 big berthas turn to fire upon his base - he sends a heavy assortment of air attacks my way to try to take them out before they fire. All hell breaks loose.

Sounds kind of like a divorce race or even just a heated argument eh? What can you do to save your marriage? Stop pulling the trigger once conflict arises and the “grab for money” starts and instead try to unite against a common enemy. If you are really lucky, you may have someone gracious enough to draw some heat off you for a bit (my mother-in-law did this for me). You ever been in a physical fight with another guy? I have - plenty of them when I was younger. Two guys bow up to each other like the big talking monkeys that they are and then there is that glint in the eyes of one of them - if I pop him first - I will get the upper hand. Should I pop him - I may lose this relationship forever if I do this. I remember one of my best friends and I almost fought like this while in college. Thankfully we both backed down.

Ever seen the movie Tombstone? It is a western about the boomtown called Tombstone and Wyatt Earp and Doc Holiday. Try to recall the scene (about one minute into this trailer) right before the fight at OK corral. (109 hits) A number of guys with their guns pointed at each other, but noone has pulled the trigger and noone wants to. It is a bomb that needs to be defused. One little wink from Doc Holiday and all hell broke loose. Several were killed a few seconds later. That is what you are up against in this fight to save your marriage.

One of my favorite episodes (124 hits) of Star Trek: TNG illustrates this concept quite well. It is utter poetry

I noticed that this concept carries over into many other concepts in life. Let me try to relate this to another concept - what is “truth”. That is a common question that we as a species face. Our common enemy is author of “false” or “anti-truth” or at time regurgitated biblical theologies. The prince of lies himself. Either man or the prince of lies has so washed up the message that I’m still trying to sort out much of the details, but I think the core is readily apparent if you just read the scriptures enough.

For example, there are a myriad of churches out there often having their own theologies. Now what is interesting here, is that some members and pastors of such churches will say that we are all on the same team - we have common enemy, whereas others tend to focus more on their own interpretations of various biblical passages. The really fun ones are those that take one passage of scripture. The reality is there is a very real common enemy for all of the churches and sometimes that enemy even infiltrates. I once had some guy tell me that I didn’t have the strength (not quite what he said) to search google for “Pastor Charged”. Hmmm, I guess that’s fair, but how about searching for “Scientist Charged”. That said, I don’t think too many people have ever denied that the enemy can infiltrate the church. This goes even for Catholics. I see a ton of folks out there that assault the Catholic church, but what is so ironic is that most of the “protestant” churches still base a great deal of their core on the stuff that was given to us, right or wrong, around the time of Constantine. Was this the prince of lies realizing that he couldn’t stop the advancement of the early church, which in my opinion was closer to the truth, so instead he said well…. if I can’t beat em - then I’ll join em! Did Martin Luther go far enough? For me, this has helped to explain a number of biblical theologies that never really made sense to me. I’m still pulling it all together, but I think one of the biggest criteria in understanding a passage is that it would have to make sense. Stated another way, 1+1 = 2 - it just makes sense - it is apparent - there is no room for debate.

That’s what I’m after - not the one “true” church, but rather the truth. In my opinion, many of the churches have there own blend of theologies that are often subject to the individual whims of a pastor, but one thing is clear, we as the laity should be able to check the math from the source (e.g., the scriptures). I think it is fairly simple; the math should add up. 1 + 1 does not equal 3. Conveniently enough, we now have the dead sea scrolls and many of the ancient manuscripts available on the Internet. Every time I find a passage that doesn’t make sense - time to go learn Greek or Hebrew and guess what - free Bible scholars abound! What used to take 30 years to figure out can now be done in a couple because of the expansion of knowledge caused by the Internet. Even atheists are helping! They point me to contradictions in our English versions so that I can try to figure out what makes sense. Thanks guys!

My point here is to do your own scriptural homework. You need to know Yahweh better in order to save your marriage and a good place to start is His words. His words - focus on the red print if you have one of those conveniently color coded bibles. That will help you to fight the enemy wanting to annihilate your marriage - to do this you need understanding of both marriage and Yahweh. He has provided the keys to the kingdom in his words - translated into most languages in the world today (I think we’re still waiting on the language whistled on the canary islands).

Let me put this into another perspective. I attend RCIA (Rite of Christian Initiation - i think) classes at the Catholic church. I’ve learned that there are many things that people outside of the “one true church” (I jest) do not understand about Catholic theology. In fact, I’d say that at least half of Catholics don’t understand Catholic theology and most that I’ve run into barely know the history of the Catholic church. What they do know is that there are more than 10,000 different brands of “christianity” and that they can’t all be right. Does that mean they could all be wrong though as well? Well I hope we’ve all at least got parts of it right. Recently (1992 - need a reference), the Catholic church and the Lutheran church agreed on some basics. One of the basics was that Salvation is based on faith in Jesus Christ (as He is called in America). That’s a big one. What happens to the souls who don’t believe or who are never exposed to Jesus? In some Muslim countries, owning a Bible = death I am told. Doesn’t seem overly fair to condemn someone to hell does it? How lucky am I for having been born in a “christian” country. I suppose if I happened to grow up on an island without access to missionaries, then it would really makes it difficult for me to believe in Christ. What happens to such souls? Some say they simply die or are totally annihilated - erased from existence. Well that’s better than hell forever I suppose and for me seems to make the most sense until someone presents a better way to explain all of this. Some say that we all go to heaven, but as much as I’d like and hope that is true, I’m doing some risk management here! Is Yahweh smart enough to know what happens to a gay man who stays with his wife, but keeps the 10 commandments? What about a gay man who believes in Jesus, but can’t resist his attraction to men? Hmm. I don’t know. What about smokers? Isn’t that defiling your body and probably breaking the laws of Moses at least in spirit? I guess the big question that Yahweh asks is where is your heart at? Is it in the right place?

Let me give you an example of where this can lead. I asked one guy in my RCIA class why he rejoined the Catholic church - he told me a story (from the 60s) about how he was bringing some poor folks he had met to the church. The pastors told him it was great that he was doing this while the poor folks were present. After they had left, the pastors said that he shouldn’t bring them back if they didn’t have any money. Was their heart in the right place? Do you know anyone like this? Then there are Catholics that are so hard pressed on the Catholic way - that salvation is only granted through the Catholic church, etc. (not quite unlike Christianity though). How dare you question the leaders, etc., Funny enough, Paul suggests that we should question the leaders to make sure what they are saying adds up. What is the greater sin though. If you believe that someone stands a risk, however remote in your mind, of going to hell for not believing in Yeshua, then isn’t the only moral and ethical thing to do - to practice intolerance for their false religious ideals. The Muslims do it all the time (in their minds), but I’ve done some homework and so far it just looks like a jumbled up version of the bible. Does that make me intolerant? Perhaps, but I am honestly concerned for their souls so still moral and ethical in my mind. I’m asking some seemingly “good” Muslims to better understand the “context” though - just to see if it adds up or not. I wish more protestants with a disdain for Catholics and vice versa would do the same, but I digress.

These are challenging questions; however, I believe the answers are in the scriptures - tucked away for anyone willing to understand and so are many of the answers for your marriage problems. I guess we’ll find out soon enough if Yahweh comes back to rule Earth directly, which I believe is less than 30 years away, but I digress. It will be total freakin annihilation for real! I’d be honored if He let me stick around to defend the faith during those times of woe. This should at least confirm your suspicion that I’m crazy though ;)

Now back to what in the world does this all have to do with your struggling marriage. Well, I was building a theme as best I could this whole time. Common enemies make lesser enemies friends - at least for awhile. This could buy you enough time to restore your marriage to enough stability to start working the problems.Are there common enemies that could unite you as a couple? I can think of one that is quite apparent - bills and occasionally mother-in-laws. Are there others? Time for you to do some homework huh? Find a common enemy to help unite you two again and if you are really sharp you’ll realize that the devil is the common enemy for your marriage and indeed the rest of humanity.

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February 23rd, 2007

Strength in Numbers

Well I managed to save my marriage, but If you’ve ever read the “Desperate Start Here (162 hits)” section of this site, you’ll know that I’m still praying for my mommy and daddy to restore their marriage. Well I’ve been praying for this for years, but it was only until the mess that my wife and I went through that I learned a few things about prayers. I’ve written about much of this before - ask for His will, trust in Him, ask for forgiveness, etc. All of this is part of building your relationship with Yahweh. Someone may ask - what does that mean though - a relationship with Yahweh? Does that mean you hear voices in your head telling you what to do? Does Yahweh speak to you? I have to say that I haven’t advanced to that level - nor do I know anyone who is at that level except the prophets before the Renewed Covenant.

What it does mean is that as I pray - Yahweh puts things into my life and in my path. Opportunities and sometimes stumbling blocks to build my faith and if I do right to advance me in my spiritual growth. I’ve had many examples and experiences in my own life that were almost on a daily basis where some prayer of mine would be answered. For example, I’d ask for revelation on why a certain passage seems to conflict with another - many times someone would just start talking to me about that subject completely out of the blue and I would know that my prayer had been answered.

Now, back to mommy and daddy, I say it that way because it may sound ridiculous that I pray for their marriage to be restored as though I’m some 5 year old. People tell me it can’t be done and I say anything is possible with Yahweh. I’ve seen way too many of my prayers answered over the last couple months since I started to know Him.

I prayed harder for my Dad and recruited other people’s prayers. He was closing in on marrying another woman - 60 days and counting about two months ago. To me - that is the ONLY thing that can destroy a marital bond is remarrying. As I tried to converse with Yahweh, I asked that whatever happened that I hoped that it would be in His will to restore their marriage, but at a minimum I wanted to converse with my earthly father about the truths contained in what we call the bible now a days. I told Him that I knew that He would probably pull a rabbit out of a hat right at the last minute just to test me. Well He did….. right at the last minute this woman that my Dad was going to marry revealed her true colors. My earthly dad wound up not marrying this woman which gave yet another chance for his marriage to be restored with my mother. In addition, we have recently begun to discuss various books from the Old Covenant (Job). I hope to one day have discussions with dad about reconciling science to the biblical account and the truths contained within, but we have a start at least.

Now what is the message here? Well - I doubled up my prayers by having multiple people assist in this prayer effort. Yahweh pulled a rabbit out of a hat by stopping this remarrying thing with my Dad. Strength in numbers.
Now you may ask why does Yahweh step in on some marriages and leave others alone? I still think it has something to do with Him not wanting to get in the way of people’s free will, but he may intervene where one of His children are involved. Become one of His and you’ll have the power of the universe behind you - saving a marriage is a piece of cake to Him. When I say become one of His - that means studying His word, praying, and hopefully you’ll be able to have the kind of spiritual experience that I had or the many others that are out there. The guy who wrote Amazing Grace comes to my mind - go look up his story to see what I mean about a spiritual experience.

What does that mean for you? That means that you should get as many people as possible involved in praying for your marriage - the goal being to use this experience to become closer in your walk with Yahweh - no backsliding. Repent! I have seen it happen again and again. If you want - email the admin address and I’ll have your prayers forwarded to all my family and people who have been through this mess or post to the forum (135 hits) that is now hopefully working! Meanwhile, I ask a small favor of you - say some prayers for my mommy and daddy - they’ll need it!

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February 9th, 2007

Desperately Seeking Comments… This Is Nuts!!

I really don’t know where to go with this.. I’m pulling my hair out trying to figure it all out. I’ve been married to one of the most beautiful women that eyes can be layed upon for 10 years. We have 3 absolutely beautiful children. We’ve grown apart and it’s not by my choice. She will not forgive and chalks up every argument that may have been my fault and every mistake that I have made and will not let them go! We had our last scuffle 3 nights ago. She says “That’s the last straw!” She tells me that she has no more love left to give me and is only here for the kids. Today I made arrangements for a marriage counselor and have high hopes that we can make ammends as I am fully willing to “roll up my sleeves” and go to work on our marriage. She fully agrees to go and work on the situation. Later this evening she says that she want’s to go on vacation with her sister and another friend to Cabo San Lucas. Not with me by the way and during spring break. I ask if she’d like to take a vacation with me instead and she says No! Not right now. With the way that she feels about me right now and the things that go on during spring break. I can do nothing but worry about the whole situation. I’ve been there before. I know what goes on! I hate to say that I don’t trust her right now, but to tell you the truth I really don’t feel comfortable about the whole situation. If I say no. She’ll say that I’m being untrustful about our marriage and controlling. What Do I Do?

I know that I’ve made mistakes during our marriage and sometimes been hurtful. I’m human.. we all make mistakes and you can bet that she’s hurt me plenty at times. I’m the type that can forgive and forget and not chalk up the things that have been said or done over the years. One thing that I can guarantee is that both of us have been faithful to each other throughout the whole marriage. Am I over reacting??

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February 6th, 2007

Twinkles of Light Saber

In my previous post I discussed my apparent disdain for relationships as a science. Make no mistake, I think there is some value; however, it just feels creepy chalking everything up to an equation - it seems to take the oh I don’t know - humanity away. I do think it would be really swell if it reconciled to Songs of Solomon though.

This post is more about seeing through the anger cloud that your spouse will be putting off if they are “through with the marriage”.

I’ve noted that when my wife was wanting to leave me, it got pretty brutal. I’ve said most of this before, but she gave me comments such as “It’s over” and “I don’t have a heart” during this period in our marriage. What I noticed was there were little “twinkles” of light among all the angry “noise” and darkness. I’ve noticed this is the same for other people going through this as well.

I’ve noted that when you are trying to repair your marriage it will be something like this from your spouse: ANGER ANGER ANGER dePRression guilt nice ANGER ANGER ANGER ANGER ANGER ANGER cordial ANGER ANGER ANGER ANGER ANGER cordial ANGER ANGER ANGER ANGER ANGER ANGER ANGER nice ANGER ANGER nice ANGER cordial ANGER guilt ANGER apology ANGER ANGER ANGER nice ANGER nice ANGER nice nice nice ANGER nice nice nice nice nice nice NICE NICE distant LOVING LOVING distant ANGER - get the idea? I hope so after typing three lines! There is a pattern.

Just because your spouse is all mean to you right now, doesn’t mean it is over. It is just the way these things go. Figure out where you are at in the pattern and stop blaming them for crying out loud - it doesn’t matter whose fault it was to fix it. All you need is time, (from here on out I will refer to God by his name Yahweh) Yahweh, knowledge of what is happening, and a game plan. Most states even have a cooling off period that can buy some more time for the marriage to work - and guess what couples get divorced and marry each other again all the time.

That made me think of some other phenomenon though. Have you ever turned your TV on to channel 3 or 4, whichever doesn’t get reception in your area, and noticed all the static? Scientists tell us that some of that is the background radiation from when the universe first began (although there is much debate about whether the universe had a beginning). When you are speaking to your spouse that wants to bail on the marriage, there will be little hints of love, but it will sometimes be like trying to figure out which one spot on your static filled TV belongs to the aforementioned background radiation from when the universe first began (or your relationship) and which belongs to all the localized radio signals from stray electrical appliances, earth, etc. Interestingly enough, there seem to be many reconciliations of science to the biblical account (102 hits) of the beginning of the universe. With all the “static” out there in both the “christian” and “scientific” community, I’ve concluded that I need to do my own homework before placing my salvation in the hands of mere mortals. But what does that have do with your marriage? I’m getting there!

The rule I’ve learned about near divorce experiences (I coined the term right here!) is that you can definitely save your marriage if you have Yahweh involved and you trust Him. The only exception I can think of is if He decides that you need to become a modern day prophet or something, but I don’t think he’d break up a family for that. Trusting is partly following His rules, and learning how to pray, and not doubting that He will answer. Letting go. That means being humble enough to realize you need His help - not mine, and being “selfless” in your prayer. In popular culture terms, “Luke use the force”!

I am now really starting to come to the conclusion, that Yahweh, though infinitely powerful, etc. has chosen NOT to interfere where His interference would jeopardize free will. That tells me a little more about how to pray. I’ve mentioned earlier what I’ve learned about prayer (most of it is in the Our Father - go analyze it to see what I mean) . As an exercise in knowing Yahweh, I suggest that you break the words apart and “translate” it into your words - try this with your kids as well. That prayers seems to form the basis of a relationship with Yahweh and His Messiah. I think you can request specific things though, if you are really bold, even negotiate (He’s your Dad and you may like the keys to the car for a date - not Dad can I have a prostitute for my 18th birthday). Moses did it (Exodus 32:32,33), but I’m still not sure whether Yahweh agreed to his proposal.

Free will is His greatest gift to us besides perhaps sending His Messiah. If Yahweh wants us to have free will then I suspect that he will only answer prayers that would not impact someone’s free will, except for rare occasions (Hardening Pharaoh’s heart??), but is much more open to orchestrating opportunities for the right choice to be made. I’ve actually tested this and I seem to be getting close to having my prayers answered much quicker now. I still pray for the “big ticket” items, but have become more strategic about it. For example, there are a number of web sites out there that spew forth regurgitated biblical messages (perhaps this one) that in my opinion drive many people away from Yahweh. I used to pray that such sites might become shutdown. Instead, I now pray for the owner’s of the site to have a spiritual experience such a mine through a stumbling block put in their life - then the owner of the website might shut it down after that. I guess it’s not much different than Luke Skywalker learning to use the force. I am still in the infancy of my spiritual growth though, so please pray for me.

Now back on topic - this is not unlike what has been told to us by modern society about what marriage is supposed to be. Marriage is good as long as it is convenient and there are luvvy duvvy feelings instead of to the death. All successful marriages have gone through their fair share of pain and people don’t realize that there is growth in feelings after going through the pain and making it to the other side. All this modern “wisdom” is destroying what is otherwise a pillar of our society. Even certified counselors and pastors help us get divorced at times without us even realizing it. Something like this - Ohh.. your partner said it is over - yeah I guess you better call it quits then - it takes two people to save a marriage.. blah blah blah. It’s all excrement. What choice do we have though with so much bad advice out there (even mine I’m sure).

I think it may be similar to trying to understand all the biblical interpretation or even “diet books”. There are many “interpretations” out there that just don’t seem to add up and or don’t make sense. Many discount the value of the Mosaic law, etc. My gut feel is that Yahweh put the dietary suggestions and “strange” rules in there not to harm us, but rather to protect us - like a father telling his kid something for his own good. What would the world be like if we just followed the rules and what do we do to it by not following them? On a similar note, behind all the diet books there is a simple concept - eat less - move around more that is effective no matter which diet is the latest fad. The simple concept for marriage is this, Saving the Marriage = Selfless Love = Yahweh’s Kind of Love. Doesn’t Yahweh love us enough to allow free will?
The core message is simple enough, but there is just so much more complexity in the biblical texts than I ever realized. It makes me want to go learn ancient Hebrew (108 hits) and Greek to figure out what else is missing in our modern day “Bibles”. Some interesting “biblical” theories of late are indicating that we may have all gotten it wrong.I have no problem with that, if my faith can’t stand up to examination then I want to know why. Right now I’m trying to reconcile many of the current attacks on Paul (87 hits) to what would make sense. Many of the things that are extrapolated out of a passage just baffle me.

Another thing that I am amazed by is the human mind’s ability to discern a pattern amongst what would appear to be noise on the surface. You spouse will be sending you lots of anger noise with stray pixels of love. Let them vent and take it out on you and just focus on the good in them.

This makes me think back to Star Wars VI as Luke SkyWalker is telling is father that there is still good in him. Luke’s father was trying to kill him, but still has good and so does your spouse deep down inside somewhere. Your spouse is trying to purge years of frustration, so just take one for the team, without losing your own self-respect. You can worry about the issues in the marriage later once you have some more stability into this thing and the biggest thing you can do is to let them vent and show some selfless love - that means don’t expect ANYTHING out of your spouse for at least 6 months if you want to save this. Period.

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