What’s your summit?
Your spouse has, or is soon, leaving. The divorce papers have been filed. In your heart of hearts, though, you have committed yourself to saving your marriage – you still love her. Is there a limit to what you can personally do? Is it all worth it? When do you give up – or do you?
Recently I watched a show on Discovery called “Everest: Beyond the Limit (195 hits)“. One 50-ish climber, still a few days’ climb form the top, “hit a wall”. His dream since he was 8 years old had been to climb Mt. Everest. He was so close to realizing his dream – within 1,000 vertical feet , yet he knew he could not take another step. He turned back. In this week’s show we see him coming to grips with the end of a dream. Was it failure? He called that turning point his personal summit. Had he continued, he certainly would have died. (The summit of Everest is called “The Death Zone” for a reason.) Now he will live with the mixed result of failing (?) his dream, but more importantly recognizing his true limits. There is satisfaction in knowing when to turn back.
By this time in my marriage/separation/divorce I was emotionally exhausted. I wondered about the support I read in James 1:2 (11 hits) that life’s troubles are how God prepares you for receiving God’s wisdom. Whew!! In exhaustion I might just give up. I feel that Marriage is God’s second gift to Man (after He gave us life, he gave us companionship.) That Marriage is a picture of Jesus’ relationship with His Church. God told Hosea to marry a prostitute (12 hits). (No, my wife is no prostitute.) But when Hosea’s wife left him, he went to look for her and found her again.
Is it OK to give up? Well, bottom line is you will eventually move on, just as your spouse will. You fought the Fight of Your Life, knowing that the goal was worth everything, and you feel you have used/spent everything. You finally hear in your heart, “No more.” You can close that chapter of your life. You have reached your personal summit (not the true peak, though) and could not take another step.
“Failure”? You decide. Call it Failure, and you may spend too much time dwelling in the past, with bitterness. Call it your Personal Summit, though not satisfactory, and you will know you have gone to your absolute limit, and returned a survivor.
I do not write this to tell anyone to give up. I pray that the Lord will supply whatever energy & wisdom is needed to each spouse. That both hurting individuals in this painful situation of divorce, barring reasons of violence, will find healing , love and happiness again, well before anyone reaches their summit. However, continually respect yourself, and keep tabs on your emotional energy.
As I write this (I’m not shohn, remember, I’m Ray), my wife has moved out and filed papers. I have no intention of giving up, but I am afraid for the future. No way do I want to give up. But, like the Everest climber, for practical reasons reaching my own personal summit might just be a matter of survival. The question remains: Can I go the distance? Can you? What is your resolve? In my view, for my marriage, it’s worth it!
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January 1st, 2007 at 11:19 am
I was going through some papers, and found this testimony from my previous wife. “Rachel” died of cancer early in 2000. Before she left this world, she wrote the following. Now, seven years later, she speaks to me, of God’s timing and her resolve. Imagine! Dying of cancer and learning from God at the same time! And all I’m dealing with is a divorce!