This post applies only if your wife is still living with you under the same roof. If this is not the case you may want to start from the beginning (222 hits) or look here (182 hits).

Okay here we go. One of my counselors revealed a very simple truth to me.

People tend to forget about problems once a solution is identified.

I’ll try to explain. Do we worry about the problem of slicing bread? Nope – bread is purchased sliced now a days. The problem simply doesn’t exist.

Let’s try to put this into practice. I’m sure you are capable of doing about a 100 things that bug your wife and vice versa. One of them may be the classic toilet seat debate. I think almost everyone with a toilet can appreciate the inherent humor and value in this debate. Women want the toilet seat down – guys want it up. Personally, I couldn’t care either way so I tend to leave it down for my wife, but let’s think about this.

A couple of times of leaving the seat up may be annoying to your wife. If this has happened to your wife thousands of times, then perhaps she is at a breaking point and what could have been a seemingly small issue could now be a big deal to her.

Instead of focusing on the problem – ask instead – is there a solution? In corporate parlance, don’t be part of the problem – be part of the solution. Of course, surely by now you know that you need to respect her wishes and just leave the thing down – that is one solution, but sometimes there are creative solutions.

Let me show you one that will likely be the best thing since sliced bread. It is the dawn of a new era. Enter the automatic toilet seat raiser!

(358 hits)

Are there other problems in your relationship that have solutions creative or otherwise?

I know my wife and I had this challenge just recently.

My wife and I were discussing an upcoming major decision for the both of us. I like to debate big decisions to make sure it is the right choice. I play “Devil’s Advocate” on both sides of an argument to make sure it is the right course of action. In other words, I analyze it. Unfortunately, my wife was receiving this analysis and debate as a personal attack on her given that I was playing Devil’s advocate on some of her points. We needed a solution to this communications gap.

• I told her my intentions were not to hurt her, but rather my goal was to make sure we are making the right decision.
• I explained that I was playing Devil’s advocate.
• I started prefacing my points with a warning shot to let her know that I was playing this role.
• I asked her to suggest better ways of saying something if what I am saying comes across the wrong way – to which she agreed.
• I let her know that it was important to me that she be a part of the decision making process and that it was our decision not mine.

After all of this – she admitted that perhaps she was being too sensitive and wasn’t really sure why. She agreed to help “train” me to say things in a way that wasn’t offensive to her and acknowledged that my motives were pure. Problem solved. Now I’ve got to buy her one of those fancy toilet seats for Christmas! How romantic.

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This entry was posted on Sunday, December 3rd, 2006 at 4:46 pm and is filed under Marriage Principles, No Laughing Matter. You can subscribe via RSS 2.0 feed to this post's comments. You can comment below, or link to this permanent URL from your own site. Your comments will be moderated but will appear as soon as humanly possible.