I started a yahoo group instead of using the forum system on this site.

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Three major topic areas so I added numbers below to help separate it out a bit.

1.) It has been about 6 months since the divorce papers were finalized and I’ve probably been at this approaching 3 years now.

Part of me wants to move on, and yet there is part of me that is still hanging on. The kids have been with me most the summer, but that is now over so I am here to face myself again.

As I think about this, the question that should be driving this whole thing is quite simply: Do you love her still?

The answer is yes. With that answer, then that means that I can not move on. Are there ways to force the heart to let go? I don’t think so and it would probably be a disservice to others as it would be a form of suppression and may come up at an inopportune time. I’ve heard many people say after having moved on from their marriages, “Well, I’ll probably always love him/her, but…….”. Makes me sad.

At this point, I still need ways to continue to develop spiritually in the absence of the connection brought about through intimate embrace with one’s spouse. Thus, I am doing my best to take care of her mother and my own mother and learning how to build better relationships with the other women in my life. This at least provides some spiritual food from the feminine perspective. Many saints were known to do such things.

I’ve been celibate effectively for almost 3 years, and have had to learn about various techniques for “raising the energy” to better channel those urges into productive things. The idea is not to deny such things, but rather to transform them into something better. I’ve found some techniques that help with this.

I’ve managed to raised my conscious awareness level to some degree over the last year or so. Periodically throughout the day, I remember to breathe, feel my feet, feel my body, emotions, etc. Things that are taken for granted usually. In addition, I’ve been getting involved in various charitable type movements and such.

Where do we go from here? Well, periodically, God, or that universal consciousness governing all of our existences, still seems to move certain things. Most recently, around May of 2010, My mother in law and I were walking in a Wal-mart and somehow we ran right into my estranged mother of my children. If that wasn’t an act of God, I’m not sure what is. The chances were quite small of us running right into each other. If it would have been across the store I’d chalk it up to chance, but we ran right into each other. They talked and then gave each other hugs and went to eat for a bit. Poetry. It seems that it quickly faded though.

My daughter was in the hospital recently and once again, we were brought together like mother and father caring for our child to some degree. She refused to come to the hospital to see our daughter, but we at least managed to laugh here and there over the phone.

Of course, it has all turned to hell since then as it usually does. I’ve concluded that due to the way most of this just does not make any sense at all, that it is karma. My soul must have lived as someone else in some other dimension or time period and as a result, I’m living out this life to learn the necessary experiences for my soul I suppose. At least that is the theory at this time.

We all reap what we have sown. So, somehow I have sown this whether I (or other parts of me) want to admit it or not, or there is some valuable lesson to be learned. Woe is me? Nah. I tell myself: “I chose this! I did this!” and it seems to make it easier to bear. In other words, somehow in some alternate plane of existence, my soul or parts of me that I am ordinarily not aware of chose this path. Through my recent spiritual experiences, I have confirmed that we are much more than our body and that there are, in fact, multiple independently operating parts of our consciousness that seem to “sync” up periodically. Call it soul, spirit, or whatever, I’ve seen and experienced it for myself.

I’ve decided that all I can continue to do is to work on being a better me. So I work in consciousness exercises and have decided to just be happy even when I’m sad. Is happiness truly a decision?

It is interesting what this invokes in people. I think that by striving to achieve certain things, it seems to make people angry because it shines a light on what they are not doing. I’d say that people we see in our lives is a reflection of something in ourselves, and somehow my presence causes people to question themselves or something.
Recently I was asked: “Do you believe I’m going to hell?” and I didn’t even say anything – lol. Fun. Others have responded by becoming vegetarian themselves, or asking more questions. It is different for everyone it seems.

2.) Well, I think I’ve figured out why our country is having so much trouble. It is the word, Hello. I think it may trigger an association to the word Hell, everytime someone is greeted. Hello – Brings to mind pictures of demons and sulfuric temperatures? Maybe not, but just in case I’ve decided to replace that word.

Instead, I am now using either Shelmo, or Shallo which is a combination of Shalom + Hello. Tell your friends!

3.) I’ve managed to home school our children on some levels this last summer and it was awesome. They learned so much in such a quick span that I realize, on some levels, how off the mark we are as a nation. If you have the means to home school your children, I suggest you at least try. It may very well help save your children’s soul.

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Word has come through the grape vine that there are family members of mine reading this site and not fully understanding the purpose or me. I’m not surprised, that is the story of my life.

The purpose is that the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few or the one. As stated in the headline of this site, I’m documenting what works and what doesn’t. If nothing else people can learn from my mistakes.

When I started on this project the objective was to document the road. I knew there were times where I would lose my mind and that it would be one big roller coaster. I knew that different aspects of self would come forth and I wanted to document the compelxity of the human machine as I went through the divorce in the hopes that it would provide sufficient knowledge for others to not traverse this path, to avoid this pain, and to save their own marriages. I knew I would contradict myself over and over and wanted to catch myself in the act so as to find TRUTH!

I’ve learned more in 2 years than I learned in my previous 25 or more; however, I am now turning this blog private to avoid inflicting further harm. I’m now reaching a point in my growth where I realize that what I write can have a damaging effect on unprepared minds and I still have so much left to learn so I could inadvertently damage someone. Sorry, I’m not trying to insult, but just stating reality. There is a karma involved here and one I should have repented of some time ago. I’m repenting now.

At present, I believe we have about 20 marriages saved as a result of this effort. When I started this project, I figured if 1 (one) could be saved – it was worth doing. I never thought, that I would be attempting to save my own again, but such is life.

Some of the things I wrote early on invited MAJOR testing into my life. I’m now repenting of that and hoping that GRACE may kick in.

I will continue to write this as a private blog and those regular readers are more than welcome to register and get an account or whatever.

I shall refer to the “forces above” as God. You may call it Yahweh, Jehovah, Allah, Jesus, Cosmic Buddha, Nature’s God, the Force, Krishna, or Bob – whatever floats your fancy, I’ll just call it God below. It is much more complex than that, and yet paradoxically simple.

I have made an exhaustive study of most of the major world religions and have determined the following based on my own efforts, experiences, and reading approximately 30,000 pages of religious texts, books, and commentary, and more GRACE than I could ever imagine would be shown an arrogant guy like me.

These are the lessons I have learned:

There is more and I may update this post, but am turning the rest of this blog private.

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Well, within the last week I’ve had my mother and father law divorce, one of my best friends, and another old friend. All within the span of two weeks. Wow.

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Well, my mother and father in law are legally divorced as of today. What bittersweet irony that I was in court yesterday.

Other things in the news.

Apparently there are entities or an entity that is moving things around in my mother in law’s house and at my wife’s house. My sister in law got possessed temporarily by some entity that likes to cuss a lot. My wife has our kids wearing rosaries now.

Much of my reading into the first century church includes the idea that just eating veggies instead of meat was a great way of keeping out those pesky disincarate spirits, associated minions, and ministers some more sinister than minister.

Anyway, I never got around to posting this, but I feel the timing is now right. Me and the Mrs. met about two weeks ago to discuss the demons attacking her house.

In response to my wife’s request to meet about such things I wrote her the following after we met and read it to her over the phone:

Regarding our conversation about certain things today. Not telling you what to do, but here are some things that would probably help. If you like I can definitely cite sources AND personal experiences, but will
defer that unless you ask.

Shohn

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Shalom ______,

You asked about my forgiveness exercises because you thought it may be helpful in clearing some perhaps hidden anger that could be affecting your child. I’m writing a diatribe because I plan to post this to my blog (glassgloves.com), but also need your permission first. Your name will not be mentioned nor anything that could connect you.

The trouble with my forgiveness is that it seems that the issues with my wife continue to manifest; however, it seems the severity is waning and perhaps things from the left hand of correction are apparently moving against my wife now. Recently, we began seeing much more severe problems with our eldest daughter (technically my step-daughter). It has gotten so bad that CPS (child protective services) got involved. This could be the left hand moving I suppose that could be just part of her life plan and perhaps not so much directly correlated with my internal forgiveness work; however, the timing is remarkably uncanny. Of course, my wife ascribes this unpleasantness to things beyond the break up of our family, which is normal given the current “part” she is playing in our mutual growth and development (i.e., all of the world is a stage). I view the break up as the central issue and these other things as symptoms of that issue, she views the other issues as unrelated. Right. Her parents are in court today. Unrelated.

In terms of forgiveness exercises, in recognizing that in many ways my wife and indeed any woman that I’ve ever been with and vice versa will exchange various “psychic” / etheric connection data I had to work on me before anything could ever ever change with her. Indeed, this is confirmed by many relationship self-help books, but they don’t explain why. The why is due to the male-female relationship etheric reflective dynamics (i.e., sun – moon) I believe.

I also had to understand that it was likely that we (not us – but our souls) had done this before and in many ways perhaps she was merely acting as a mere reflection of things deep down inside of me that had yet to manifest. I had to ask myself, under what conditions would I manifest such things? I had to see from her point of view as well.

To see from her point of view I had to study her, get to really know her, understand why she thinks the way she does and then imagine myself functioning without the benefit of logic at certain points. Knowing someone and KNOWING them are two different things. I had to really KNOW her (as best I am able) and without the benefit of an active sexual connection. Therefore, I took her life as I knew it and drew it out on paper and started asking questions. I drew out her birth, her father figures, etc. I noted that she kept experiencing the same problems over and over. I did the same to myself.

I also got an astrologer to do an analysis of myself and her and I learned a lot about the both of us in that way. Then I sought out to learn astrology and learned a lot more about the different things and aspects that form the perspective of understanding and various spheres of mind that different people see out of and what not. I still have mixed feelings on this because I have yet to get a consistent reading across astrologers, but I have found that the “mirror” that they provide is invaluable in learning about oneself and the different aspects within. It is a tool. I figure it has about 40% accuracy at present. It is not a religion. It is not the end all be all. There is a lot of junk out there. It is not a science – it is more like poetry. I know this scares many people as well, so take it with a grain of salt.

With all this ground work done, I had to set out to actually forgive her and the harder part – forgive my self.

I would go for a walk and ask to be shown the behaviors and things that she was reflecting back to me. Images and scenes from the past would appear in the back of my mind and I would try to see it from her point of view. Things I never intended for harm, would be shown in a new light. Some things I should have done better. Some things I simply lacked emotional maturity on.

I would then do some internal dialog almost like gollum on Lord of the Rings and try to reconcile the internal aspects that were hurting.

It couldn’t be manipulation of these other aspects or “children within”, nor could it be for the purpose of making the pain or children go away, but rather to bring that part forward and fully feel and express the emotions. This became what I call self-invoking.
I would do my best to maintain split-brain awareness. This means – a part of me would be crying its eyes out, and another part would be consoling and encouraging, and another part would be simply observing.

The parts that needed it would scream at the top of their lungs what they were feeling – be it anger, resentment, even hate, or whatever. I had to do this where noone could see it for obvious reasons.

As the different scenes would play out in the back of my mind, I would reconcile them as best I could by giving them “reasons” to forgive. It would often take a form of “forgive them – they know not what they do”.

After doing all of this, I noted that she called to apologize for the first time in a long long time and this became more part of her pattern. Lately she says “I wasn’t trying to make you feel this way or that”, but after a couple days switches back into the cold resentful gal she’s been for almost three years now. The thing to recognize is that I go through similar peaks and valleys and that in many ways she is reflecting not just me, but a lot of stress from what I think may be the left hand of God stepping in now. Towards this end, I have done my best to “educate” her on what is happening and to say that if I am wrong then things will get better (more pleasant), if I am right they will get worse (less pleasant), etc. I do this soley to provide information and I tell her that she is accountable for what she does with it given that she considers herself a Christian and what not. Things have indeed become less and less pleasant for her, but I can’t be certain as to the reasons why – it could be part of her life plan.

The rest of the time I pray light around her, the house where she resides, her mind, the kids, etc. and thornbushes around her and any would be men trying to make their way into our family. I also pray for her eyes to be opened to the truth, etc. and as best I can “not my will, but thy will be done”. Easier said that done – I know.

If any of this was hard to understand please let me know.

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Went to court today. They weren’t ready apparently. I watched and observed as her attorney gave incorrect information to my lawyer. Her lawyer reported that my wife has not been communicating with her. It was almost as though she lied, but I couldn’t say for sure.

The judge was supposedly a bit miffed at opposing counsel for not having their stuff ready, but I wasn’t miffed about this.

I was there and the Mrs. wasn’t.

Perhaps there are reasons why they weren’t ready.

To top things off – I was called down to pick up two of my kiddos from CPS yesterday. There is trouble within my beloved’s current house, though I don’t want to go into details. CPS had me sign a document stating that I would have them until Dec 17th. I called CPS and they haven’t responded yet.

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Our final decree status hearing is scheduled for Nov 18.

In an ironic twist, my mother and father in law have their hearing scheduled for the following day.

Coincidence or message from above?

I guess it depends on one’s eyes.

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So me and my estranged wife met to talk tonight. We talked for a record breaking full hour face to face. I even held her hands to comfort her on something. She looked into my eyes. I looked into hers. We kissed and made out. Just kidding about that last part.

But, I bet you’d never guess that she wanted to discuss the demonic attacks that she says are happening in her household and that temporarily possessed her sister. Talk about an ice-breaker. It was sort of odd how it all went down.

My wife is pretty freaked out at the moment though it appears she has developed a sense of humor. She asked me for some demon repellent. I so wanted to say… well, come back home – restore our marriage for starters would probably help, but I bit my tongue.

Send some light and prayer please for her and the kids.

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Thanks Heavenlies.

She called me this morning to apologize for something that happened last night. It was first thing in the morning about 8ish. She’s NEVER done that. I know it may not mean anything. I know I know. Still though, my jaw dropped. She apologized – unprompted. What in the world is going on with her? I’m so used to her having an icy demeanor that it is weirding me out a little.

She also invited me in to her house when I picked the kids up this last time. I got to use her restroom again.

I’ve been practicing being mindful of my thoughts as much as I can remember lately. I’ll have a resentment come up and if I catch it in time, I’ll do some self-talk and say over and over “I forgive myself. I forgive her. I am growing closer to God.” or very similar affirmations. Another thing is trying to work on the positive self-programming.

This is harder. One has to face “reality” on some things, yet the words one chooses can make all the difference in the world in terms of how one views things. An unpleasant situation can be flipped into a test or viewed as an opportunity for growth,etc. Easier said than done, but baby steps.

Today is the 2 year anniversary since she moved out.

Happy halloween sweetheart. Wish you were here with me and the kids – together at last. Love you still.

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